Pride & Politics
by melps
Summary: Three years after the Comet, Katara leaves Aang. After a mysterious message from the spirit world, Katara leaves home for the Fire Nation. She takes on the role of Ambassador for her people, while facing bad omens from the spirit world, threats on Zuko's life, and the royal family's best kept secret. My post-series headcanon. Eventual Zutara. Chapter 17: Family
1. All Good Things

**one:** **all good things**

Katara's hands, chafed and dry from the return to South Pole weather, were balled up into tight fists at her sides, her whole body strung with tension. Her mittens were probably filled with nervous sweat. She was barely conscious of the fact that she was biting her lip.

This was it.

After all this, it was really going to end like this.

Nobody would have predicted it, least of all her. She'd hedged her bets and still came out in a loss.

Aang's voice, deeper and smoother than it was just a few short years ago, was loud and clear. "And the winner of the Second Annual Southern Water Tribe Official Penguin Sledding Circuit is… _Yuko_!"

The crowd erupted in enthusiastic, if slightly confused, cheers.

Aang was indeed officiating the event - in fact, it was Aang who had founded the SWTOPSC in the first place. It was partially a piece of the overall effort to restore culture that had been lost to the war, but also partially just because Aang was baffled that it wasn't already a thing. It wasn't that penguin sledding hadn't been done competitively before in her tribe, it was just that… no one who was alive had any experience with it. It was a small reminder of what the war had done to her people, that even the smallest of joys had been taken from them.

It was seemingly insignificant, but the community had really bonded over it in the last two years. Hakoda, having returned to his post as the Chief of the Southern Water Tribe, fully endorsed it, allocating public funds for the prize - the winner received two hundred gold coins. There wasn't much cost involved in setting the track; Katara had been used it as an opportunity to get out and do some real training and practice with her students - they'd collectively donated their time to waterbend the circuit over the last month.

Yuko, this year's apparent winner, was the very definition of an underdog. One of the youngest contestants - the competition was restricted to children, under age 17, but he was a mere twelve years old, older only than his younger brother Kobo, who was eleven, and whom Katara was pretty sure had only entered the race after throwing a fit to his parents that Yuko was doing it. He had shown serious disinterest in the circuit when it was announced, and hadn't attended last year's race; no one was even sure why he ended up competing at all.

He was a pretty good hustler, Katara thought with a raised brow, perhaps practicing in secret or at night. She wasn't sure why he would do that - as intense as all of the adults were on the outcome of the race, there were strict sanctions on official betting. In any case, she knew most of the village was hoping that the prize would go to someone whose father had not survived the war, someone who truly needed it.

It didn't matter now. Katara shuffled her way through the crowd - a giant sea of blue, Katara noted, with a brief whispering in her head that she hadn't really missed the monotony here - up to the podium. She watched on as Aang placed the pendant over Yuko's neck with a gleeful smile that rivaled the kid's own. He posed with him for a moment as the tribe continued cheering, hand on shoulder, giving a thumbs-up for the crowd. His parents were quick to join them, followed by Kobo, who wore the deepest frown Katara had ever seen on an eleven-year-old. They accepted the money graciously, and his mother, a tall woman with unusually short hair for a Water Tribe woman, gave Aang a bear hug which he happily returned. They all waved at the tribe once more before descending from the podium.

"30 minutes, town square, food and drink - 30 minutes, everyone!" Aang announced, then made a final bow, making a quick wrap-up of the event.

He made his way down from the stage, hesitant to make eye contact with Katara until he'd reached the last step, unable to look elsewhere - she was there, waiting for him impatiently. They exchanged a quick, awkward kiss before Katara mustered a smile for him.

"That went great!" she chirped. "Everyone loved it. You did a great job." Her hand rested on his arm and she gave it a light squeeze, trying to convey nothing but pride and cheer for him.

He rubbed his neck, somewhat embarrassed. He didn't return her smile, a fact she tried diligently to ignore. "Thanks. I still think Sokka should have done it - but I'm always happy to help," he muttered, waving a hand. "You know, Avatar stuff."

Katara sighed, letting go of him. "It was your idea, Aang, all of it. You deserve this. I'm sorry I-"

He cut her off with another handwave. "Let's not talk about this right now, okay? I want to take you to the party and try to find any kind of food that didn't come off the bottom shelf of the sea." He smiled at her, and forced or not, she accepted it with a nod.

"Okay."

Lately there had been so much fighting, it felt like they each had a foot out the door. Katara didn't know which way was up anymore; it was one thing after another, and Aang never stuck around long enough to finish a conversation, let alone a fight. They'd dug themselves into such a deep trench, he was going to have to take months of leave from Avatar work for them to swim back up.

They walked quietly side by side through the lightly packed snow, trailing behind the rest of her people. The sun would still be up for quite a while, and everyone was eager to get indoors where they could force some semblance of night. The new ice tavern in town, which some of the men of the tribe had established after returning from battle, was purposefully darkened on summer nights and lit floor-to-ceiling with candles on winter evenings - a refusal to accept the natural seasonal cycle of the South Pole.

Frankly, Katara was pretty fond of it, and she knew why the men who'd been abroad for so long pushed so hard for it. Spending so much time in places with even setting and rising cycles made you feel more used to it than not - midnight sun and dark noon were painful now.

Children weren't usually allowed inside the tavern, but seeing as this was the most sociable place in town at night and this was a day dedicated to the harmless fun of children, an exception was made by the owner, so long as their parents were mindful of them. As they entered, they could tell the place was completely packed, and almost half the patrons were children tonight. Katara could tell without looking that Aang was smiling for real now - he loved children more than probably anything else in the world, quite possibly even more than he loved her. It didn't take him five minutes to be dragged away by a group of small boys for a game outside. Her eyes trailed after him as he left without a word to her, completely taken with his fans for the night.

Sighing, she turned away from the door and scanned the tavern for Sokka, spotting him at the bar with a half-empty mug in his hand, chatting happily with the barkeep. She pushed through the thick mass of bodies, shoving her way to the stool beside her brother. His eyes lit up as she slid clumsily onto the seat.

"Little sister!" he yelled. "Damn, that was a good race today. I wasn't expecting that. Were you expecting that? I was not expecting that." His drink splashed slightly over the sides of his mug as he shook with vigor, trying to gesticulate with full hands to emphasize just how much he was not expecting that.

Sokka looked so different from the boy he had been just a few years ago. He was pushing twenty, well past a man by Water Tribe standards, and even had some facial hair to prove it. His jaw was more pronounced now, his hair longer - though still in the wolf's tail, as it would be until the day he died. He looked a little less burdened than the rest of them; something about his ability to laugh himself out of any dark place kept him floating. She'd been jealous of her brother for a wide variety of things throughout their lives, but that had to top the list.

She laughed despite herself. "No, Sokka, I don't think anybody was expecting that. All the rest of them look so dejected. Everyone's bets were on Kika or Tikar, I think. And poor Kobo - I think it would have been better for him if neither of them had won," she mused.

"Yeah, but he'll get over it. Remember when you and I were kids? All the stuff we fought over?" Here Katara opened her mouth to agree, but was cut off before she could begin. She laughed at the irony. "No. You don't. Nobody remembers what those dumb kid fights were about, you know? That's just what brothers do. And sisters." He held his mug up in cheers, then peered down at the contents. "We need to get you one of these."

Katara chuckled. He wasn't drunk quite yet, but he had already chugged enough to get him on his way. Aang seemed to have deserted her for the night, so he couldn't be there to give her disapproving sad eyes as she ordered herself a round in celebration. _To hell with it_ , she decided with a smile, raising her hand to get the bartender's attention.

He gave her a wide, toothy grin as she called out her order. "So where's your lover?" he teased, shoving her arm lightly. "I thought he'd be here, since this whole thing is his holiday." Sokka gestured vaguely through the air to signal 'this whole thing'.

"He's out front, playing with some of the younger boys. I don't know that he would have stayed inside long anyways."

"Still not getting along, eh?"

Her eyes flashed up at him angrily. "He doesn't like drinking, Sokka, you know that."

He raised his hands defensively. "I know, I know. But don't act like nothing's going on. Everyone's been talking about it."

Katara's cheeks flared red, and she squirmed on her wooden stool. She leaned up against the bar, eyes down. "Talking about what? What does anyone else know?"

"That you two aren't as touchy-feely as you used to be. Aang used to go stand on the tops of buildings and yell about how much he loved you, and now you two don't even look at each other if you don't have to."

"It's none of your business, Sokka," she shot back defensively. "Besides - it's not like you and Suki are in paradise right now either."

His expression sobered up for a moment. "Yeah, you're right," he said quietly, taking a long drink of his spiced cider. "But, at least I'm not pretending everything's fine when it's not. That's what you're doing, and it's making it worse."

"Maybe so."

They were quiet for a moment before Sokka brightened up again, seeing her drink arrive. "But hey! For tonight, you can keep putting it off like normal. Drink up!"

She rolled her eyes and smiled, obliging. "Have you talked to Dad?" she asked after a large swig.

"Yeah," he muttered. "No luck. It's like… he doesn't want to be home. He's so insistent that he needs to live in the Earth Kingdom, and I don't know why."

Katara reached over and patted her brother's shoulder, seeing his face fall. What a roller coaster night this was for him. "There's a lot of sadness here, Sokka. He lost his wife here. I wouldn't want to stay, if I were him."

"I mean, it would be fine, I guess, if I could go too. He shouldn't be able to force me to stay. It's not right. And it's-" he burped, loudly "-it's messed up, because three years ago I would have given anything for the chance to be Chief. It was all I wanted. I just want to feel like that again. Or at least - I want to want to. I want to... want to want to?" Sokka's face scrunched up as he struggled to express this train of thought.

"Maybe just give him time. He has to realize eventually you have responsibilities elsewhere. But you know - you're going to have to have a family for him to take it completely seriously."

Sokka burped again. "Ugh - why are we talking about all this? I came out to have a good time, and, honestly, I'm feeling pretty attacked right now."

"Hey - you started it!"

* * *

By the time Katara made it back to her hut, Aang was already home and asleep. Well - it wasn't really his home, just hers, or at least that seemed to be where they had left off on the issue.

She sighed deeply and took off her shoes and coat, careful not to make too much noise, folding them up and placing them on the trunk at the foot of her bed. Aang was sleeping face down, his thin frame expanding just slightly beneath the thick woolen quilt, the one that Gran-Gran had made for her while she was traveling with Aang and Sokka. Sliding in bed beside him always filled her with deep longing, as well as an off-kilter sense of dread. She took a deep breath, slipping off her dress with shaking hands and letting it fall quietly to the floor. Katara pulled the covers up over her, curling up against Aang's wiry body.

For all their distance and unease, a part of her still wanted desperately to close the gap between them and feel him close, even just for a night. Chances were slim, she knew, but spirits help keep her from trying.

Katara didn't know how long she lay there awake, unwilling to move and toss around to try to fall asleep. There was a knot deep in the pit of her stomach, even as she held him, and she was terrified to shatter the moment. Her mind, as much as she willed it quiet so she could have her small slice of peace, traced back through the last few fights they had had, poring over every word, every shift in body language, dissecting it all as if there was something she could do about it now.

#

 _"You did_ what? _"_

 _Aang stared up at her, confused. "I - asked the White Lotus for advice?" he repeated, tilting his head just a bit. "What's wrong?"_

 _Katara pressed her fingers to her temples, already feeling a headache coming on. "Why would you tell other people about our personal business, Aang? Especially without asking me?"_

 _Aang frowned, standing up from the table. "You said we needed to get help, Katara! I thought I was doing what you wanted." He placed his plate with the stack of dirty dishes that she was working on - failing to offer to help, she noticed with a shred of bitterness._

 _"Yeah - we need to get help. Together. After we've talked about it and decided who to speak to and then we do it together. Not that you get to go off and tell everyone how miserable we are." She dropped the water she was using - not paying attention and frustrated were bad conditions to be bending in, as it turned out._

 _"Well - how was I supposed to know?" he asked defensively. "You didn't exactly elaborate when you yelled at me that we needed help."_

 _"I didn't get a chance to - you ran off, just like you always do," she spat back. Katara dropped the water again, having tried to restart, ultimately deciding to give up. The dishes would be there later - it wasn't like Aang was going to do them._

 _He bristled at that. "I don't like to fight, Katara, you know that. I don't understand what's so bad about wanting to calm down so we can talk."_

 _"You don't come back to talk!" She shouted. "That's what's so bad about it! You don't just not fight - you won't even talk to me!"_

 _"And_ you _won't talk - all you want to do is yell!" he shouted back at her_ , _throwing his hands up. "So, are you happy now? Is this what you wanted?"_

 _Katara was crying before she knew it. He was right, and she knew it - and yeah, as much as she needed him to engage in a fight with her, it still didn't feel good._

 _"I just want you to stay!"_

 _"Well, I'm here. Say whatever you want."_

 _She paused for a minute, trying to collect her thoughts. She'd never gotten this far before. There was so much on the tip of her tongue - sex, intimacy, the fact that he was keeping something from her and had been for a very long time - that she didn't even know where to start. Katara looked up at him helplessly, tears still brimming her eyes._

 _Apparently, that just made Aang angrier. "All that, and you don't even have anything to say to me. Great." He swiveled around and grabbed his staff, leaning against the door frame as it always was - ready for quick takeoff, Katara noted, not for the first time - and made his way out the door._

 _She had lost count of how many times he had left her standing there alone, swimming in a pool of her own misery._

#

Katara, flinching at the too-recent memory, tightened her grip around Aang reflexively. She squeezed him too tightly, apparently, as she heard him start to cough - she quickly let go, and he lifted his head tiredly. The stubble on his head scratched her just a bit as he turned over to look at her, eyes bleary with sleep.

"Hey," he mumbled.

Her heart skipped a beat, a flash of hope running through her, and she reached over to hold him again. He flinched - barely noticeable, but still there - and he took her hand gently in his. "I need some space," he whispered. He kissed her hand before squeezing it and letting it go.

Katara nodded, throat closing up and unable to say anything. He rolled back over, scooting away and pulling the comforter up over his arrow.

The next morning found them on either side of the bed, much the same way the night had left them. Katara was used to feeling cold as she woke up, but this was bone-chilling - especially for summer. She reached over onto the floor to grab her dress, and put it on while still lying down, trying to warm up the fabric before she had to get up.

Aang, as per usual, was already up an about, using that fancy airbending trick that she'd never fully understood to warm himself up. She could smell that he was preparing breakfast - the vegetarian oat plate that Katara almost always passed up.

Today, she suddenly decided, she would make the effort. An olive branch, of sorts. Because this - the silence between shouts - all of it had to stop. And it had to start somewhere.

Her feet padded silently along the floor as she came up behind him, reaching up (only recently had he gotten taller than her, causing her to stretch up for contact) to press her lips to his cheek. "Good morning," she rasped, still imbued with sleep.

Aang turned and swayed back to look down at her. "Hey."

"Can I have some?" she asked, pointing hopefully down towards the pot, trying her best to look bright-eyed and happy.

"Um -" he stuttered, his gaze following her gesture down to the oats, "well, I-I didn't really make enough for two. You don't usually eat with me," he said quietly, sounding just the smallest bit guilty.

"I can help cook some more so we can eat together," she offered, turning from him to look through their small pantry on the far side of the kitchen space.

"We're out," he said flatly. "I didn't restock since - since I'm leaving tomorrow."

Katara froze for a moment, before remembering - he had mentioned, in passing, a meeting with the Ba Sing Se council, something about city planning. "Oh." She put her hands on her hips, switching her search from oats to her normal breakfast - sea prune bites.

"Did you have fun last night?" she asked, voice an octave too high, after a prolonged silence lapsed between them. "I didn't see you after you left with the kids."

The only sound for a moment was the clanking of pottery as he poured himself a bowl and grabbed a spoon. Aang, perfectly warm with only pants and socks on, treaded lightly over to the table, tucking his lanky legs underneath him as he sat down on one of the two polar seal fur cushions.

"Yeah, I did."

Unable to keep conversation going on her own, she focused on her own meal for a while, shying away from asking Aang to start a fire for her and struggling to get it going. He didn't offer to help - she was pretty sure he wasn't paying her any attention.

By the time she finally got to sit down with her meal, Aang was finishing up, scraping his bowl for the last little bits he could find. She blew on her hot prunes, biting into them without noticing the taste, staring wistfully at the wall behind Aang's head.

To her surprise, despite finishing his food, he didn't get up from the table. He sat across from her, staring down at the table intently, some deep thought playing out across his expression. "I've been thinking," he said after a long silence, "about my trip. I think - I think I'm going to head down today, instead of tomorrow. They're heading into rainy season, and I'm afraid I'll hit a storm on my way there, I don't want to be l-"

"Stop."

He blinked, looking up at her, meeting her eyes for the first time in what felt like forever. "Huh?"

"I know what you're doing. You can just say you don't want to be here."

He didn't have a response for that. He still hadn't moved from the table, though his bowl now sat empty between them.

Katara took a deep sigh, and the words tumbled out before she had even consciously processed them. "I can't do this anymore."

"Can't do what?"

"This. You, leaving me whenever something goes wrong, or you don't want to talk about something. I can't handle it anymore. I'm lonelier with you than I am when you're gone, and it's gone on too long." Normally, these words would be streaming out of her in a stream of fury, accompanied with yelling and hands on hips and tears. But she was resigned; her voice sounded devoid of hope - or any emotion at all.

Aang was unusually still. It was rare to see him _not_ fidgeting - playing with his air marbles, fiddling with his thumbs, pacing, channeling _some_ outlet for all of his 116 year old energy. "You... you want to take another break?"

He was referring, of course, to the three other times they had split up over the years - never with the conscious intention of staying apart forever. They'd been able to cover it up by taking trips to separate places, and passively letting everyone assume that they were still talking via letters, even if they weren't. They were young, they reasoned. Neither of them had done this before. It was going to take some time to sort things out.

But enough was enough. She was eighteen now, an adult, and their relationship was childish. If he wouldn't respond to her - her attempts to talk, to fight, to make peace, to have any semblance of a romantic relationship - it was time to stop wasting the effort.

"No," she said quietly. She couldn't keep his gaze; she didn't want to see the way his face fell. "Not another break. When you're done with this trip, don't come back, Aang."

* * *

 **author's note:** what's up nerds

i'm super excited about this fic, updates may be slower than ideal as i'm finishing my last year of school and working simultaneously. however, as with my FMA fic (which i am about 3/4 done with the next chapter), i'm putting my seal of promise on this that it will be seen through to completion.

pls leave me thoughts, comments, criticisms, and excited gushing over the upcoming reboot in the review box~

 **Cover Art Credit: Nymre**


	2. Dream Logic

**two: dream logic**

It took her almost a week to tell Sokka what had happened.

Aang's leave went without comment from anyone in the village. Throughout the last year or so they had been living together, he'd often gone on random trips with or without her - mostly without - to various cities, mostly in the Earth Kingdom and Fire Nation (though several weeks had definitely been spent in the different Air Temple remains). To everyone else's knowledge, there was nothing different from this trip than any other.

The day she'd broken it off for good, he packed up his few belongings silently, and she did nothing but watch. Part of her felt like it was wrong, that they owed it to themselves to truly seek help, but mostly it felt like a long time coming. It didn't take long for him to saddle up Appa, and when he was ready to depart, Katara had yet to cry.

She walked up to him in silence, both staring at their feet. He hadn't really objected to her decision, though he looked grim and pale.

After a pause, she gathered the courage to look up to him, taking in for the last time for a long time his features - his warm, hazel eyes, the sky blue of his tattoos, the newly sharp lines of his face that had replaced the baby fat of his boyhood.

"I'll always be on your team," she whispered, hugging herself tightly. "This isn't the end of everything."

He nodded, closing his eyes. "I know."

Katara lifted herself on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around his neck, teeth chattering as he pulled her close. "Good luck."

Their embrace lasted too long and not long enough. Before she could fully pull away, Aang's breath tickled her ear, and he turned his head to press one last kiss to her lips. It was gentle, and mournful. She kissed him back, though she broke apart from him quickly. It would only make this harder than it was already.

Six days later, she was lying on the spare pallet in Sokka's house, feeling haunted in her own.

He'd bugged her about it the first day she arrived, but learned very quickly that she wouldn't budge on it until she was ready. It helped that she wasn't actually in the house much - as with every other time they'd broken up, she threw herself into her work like a madwoman. She didn't exactly have time to be bullied into submission.

This six month stretch in the South Pole was the longest she'd been home without a break since leaving with Aang four years ago. Since then, she'd formalized her tutoring sessions with some of the young waterbenders who had migrated from the North Pole after the war - the Northern Tribe's way of assisting with reparations. Katara now held twice-weekly sessions, more if she had time, with the kids. It was tiring her out in an emotional way; she wanted to be out making bigger changes, relating between the Water Tribe and the rest of the world, improving the quality of life for everyone and increasing their global standing. An unwelcome bout of jealousy flared up in her whenever Aang left, whether she wanted to go specifically with him or not, wondering if she would ever really want to settle down in one place - home or not. She daydreamed about running off more often than not while she supposed to be watching her students practice, out away from the rest of the village, on the shore where the snowcap turned into the sea.

 _So close to where we first found Aang._

She shook her head, willing herself for the umpteenth time to focus.

"Katara! Helllooooooooo?" Sokka called out with waving hands, his voice echoing around the hut, loud and obnoxious. "You need to go to bed?"

She cleared her throat, shifting uncomfortably on her feet. "Yeah. No, I'm fine."

"What were you going to tell me?"

Letting out a deep sigh, she sat down, her thick coat stifling her movements just so. It took her a minute to get comfortable; Sokka took her cue and sat himself down on the cushion beside her, the fire warming their knees.

When she finally spoke, her voice echoed like Sokka's had, but was flat and empty. "Aang's gone."

Her brother blinked. "Yeah? Everyone already knows that. Did you hit your head in training today?" He leaned towards her, pretending to inspect her head for bumps.

She shoved him off, irritated. Normally she didn't mind that he still messed with her like when they were kids, but not today. Everything was still too fresh. "No. I mean, he's gone. _Gone_ gone. Not coming back. I… we broke up."

He shifted back into his seat, solemnly quiet for a moment. "Oh."

Katara's shoulders slumped with something akin to shame. It felt like admitting defeat. "Yeah."

"I mean, obviously I'm sorry that it happened, but…" he shrugged. "I can't say I'm, you know, surprised."

She fiddled with her mittens absentmindedly; she wasn't looking at him anymore, just staring blankly into the fire. "Me neither," she said quietly.

"Can I ask what happened?" Sokka asked gently.

The flames were dwindling, just a bit, and she wished - not for the first time, though she was too proud to ever admit it, to anyone - that she could bend more than just water. "There's something he wouldn't tell me." Her mittens now off completely, she picked at the dirt under her fingernails, flicking it off onto the ground. "I don't know - there were a lot of reasons, but I feel like that's what it came down to. That's what started everything else; all the fighting."

She didn't see where he had pulled it from, but she noticed from the corner of her eye that he'd started munching on seal jerky. Normally, people held off eating during serious conversations, she thought, annoyed. But she held her tongue - it felt good to finally talk about it, even if her brother wasn't the pinnacle of social mores. "What makes you say that?" His mouth was only slightly stuffed with food - at least it wasn't spraying on her.

A labored sigh emptied her heavy chest. "I don't know, really. Just a gut feeling, I guess. There was this - this wall, that came up at weird times, and I could never figure out what caused it, but there was something to it, and it scared me. I hated that he would keep a secret from me. And worse, that he would never even _acknowledge_ the fact that he was keeping a secret from me, even though I know he knew."

"Ah, okay, we'll mock and deride Sokka's Instincts all day long, but your gut feelings are enough to break up with the savior of the modern era?"

She knew he was joking - trying to lighten her mood - but it only made her angry.

Katara stood up abruptly, glaring down at him. "I don't need your judgement, Sokka. I did the right thing, for both of us." She was surprised at the conviction she felt in her words - she rarely felt unjustified, but this had been such a dramatic decision that she'd be lying to say she hadn't spent some small amount of time reconsidering.

He held up his hands in defense. "Hey - I'm not saying you didn't. You're right. I'm sorry.

"You should be." Huffing in typical Katara fashion, she strode across the room over to the spare pallet she'd been sleeping on, grabbing her overnight bag and shoving in the few things she had strewn about the bed.

"Whoa, Katara, please don't overreact," Sokka said, rising to his feet to follow her. "You don't need to leave. I really was just kidding. I'm sorry - I'm not good at helping with breakups. That's my bad."

"Yeah, it is," she agreed with just the smallest smirk. "I should get home anyway. I've been taking up space here long enough - really, I'm just avoiding being home because I feel -" she cut herself off, her hands fumbling with the last garment that she was trying to shove, unfolded, into the bag. Katara gave a small, unladylike grunt. "It doesn't matter. I need to be home tonight."

"Fine. But I'm walking you there."

She turned around, staring up at him warily. "Why? It's not like it's dark outside - and it's not going to take me three months to get there. I'll be fine."

"I know you will." He smiled. "I'm going to help you de-Aang the place. Any of his stuff that's still there, anything that reminds you of him-" he waved his hands in front of his face, wiggling his fingers "- _poof_. Gone. Outta here. I'm talking a full purge. Getting your house back to normal."

Katara blinked, then grinned.

* * *

Sweat soaked through her hair and dripped down her face when she bolted awake that night. She had dreamt of fire, and woke up feeling like it.

Her first instinct was to reach for her brother, as she'd done twice this last week as her nightmares woke her, but she was alone now. Her hope was that it would relax her, let her feel what she was feeling without restriction, but it just weighed her down more.

She sat upright, peeling a layer of blankets off of her as she started suffocating under their heat. Half-asleep still, her thin hands swept across her face as she tried to wipe off the accumulated sweat before she remembered she could just bend it away. After a few minutes of struggling to control her breathing and calm her heart rate down, she realized she wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep for a while. She swung her legs over the edge of her bed, swaying uneasily as she got to her feet.

The floor, ice cold under her toes, helped to stem the waves of heat still coursing through her. The nightmares she'd had earlier in the week had been so different - being stranded in the swamp, mirages of Aang surrounding her; chasing after Toph, trying and failing to rescue her from quicksand in which she was falling and couldn't see; Zuko, being struck by lighting in his duel with Azula, and Katara's efforts to heal him ineffective. The people who already felt furthest away in waking life, drifting out of reach in her sleep and leaving her all alone. Usually, the only dreams that could pierce her nearly so deeply were the nightmares about her mother.

She paced erratically around her room, hands shaking.

This dream had felt so different - it reminded her of the way Aang had described his visits to the Spirit World. Her body wasn't there, and she could strongly sense that, but the rest of her was present. Normally, her dreams had a twisted logic pattern to them, one that didn't make sense to an awake person, but this one had followed a strangely normal route - no weird cuts between scenes, she wasn't watching herself from afar, etc.

Katara had been on an island. Alone, like the endings of all her previous dreams, but this one picked up there and somehow only got worse.

On the island were sprites, dark, twisted-looking creatures who were completely silent. They took turns staring at her, then back away to another island, a short canoe ride away from the one she was on. On the other island was a large fire, causing a smoke plume large enough to be seen miles away. The entire island seemed consumed - she could barely make out the remnants of what had been there before; homes, a large building that looked like some sort of temple, the trees and other foliage that had swept across the topography of the land. It was Earth Kingdom architecture, but the climate was closer to that of the Fire Nation.

Am I in the former colonial isles? she wondered briefly, before the panic set in. There didn't seem to be any human activity despite the giant flames burning an entire city to the ground. Katara leapt to her feet, running faster than she could think to the edge of the beach, her arms swirling naturally around her to carry her through the salty waves with waterbending.

But instead of making her way through as seamlessly as she unconsciously expected, she tripped, falling forward and swallowing an unwelcome mouthful of salt water, and every muscle in her body tensed as she realized what had happened.

Her bending was gone.

As if that wasn't bad enough, the water level began rising faster than she could collect herself to escape it. It also began to heat up, turning from a cool summer ocean into a boiling hot lake in a matter of seconds.

She struggled to pull her head up above the rising water to see what was happening - the fire on the island had spread to the edge of the shore, and was violently burning right through the sea as if it wasn't even there. Intense, immediate dread seized her; she was too far from her island to make it back before the fire reached her. She was going to die here, and no one would even know where to look for her body.

The last thing she felt before waking was the scalding lick of pain that lanced through her core as the flames engulfed her.

* * *

Sokka came to check on her the next morning, despite her insistent protests the night before that he not do that, and, at least at first, was only mildly surprised to see her packing her things once again.

"Couldn't handle one night by yourself, could ya?" he was grinning ear to ear, obviously pleased with himself. "I knew you'd come running back."

Katara couldn't quite bring herself to laugh. "No, not exactly, Sokka." She was kneeling over a large bag of food, tying closed random packs that had been opened. "I called for an envoy to send word to the Fire Nation. I have to get out of here."

He stared down at her from her door frame, having just barely arrived. His mouth, as she saw when she turned around to see why he had gone uncharacteristically quiet, was hanging open.

"What?" she asked, mildly self-conscious.

"You're leaving? To go to the Fire Nation? With all that stuff?" His eyes scanned over the rest of the room, seemingly realizing that everything but her bare bones furniture was gone. "Are you moving away, for good?"

Katara sighed; putting down the food, she stood up and faced him, crossing her arms over her chest. "Maybe, Sokka, I don't know." She shivered as an icy breeze blew through the house. "Can you come in and close the door, please?"

As she told him about the dream she had, the more incredulous his expression became. She tried to relay the disembodied feeling she'd experienced, but out loud it didn't sound any different than normal dreaming. Frustrated, she gritted her teeth and closed her eyes. "It's like…" she breathed, "like how Aang described being in the Spirit World," Katara told him, hoping the metaphor that had first come to mind for her would translate for him. "Something wasn't right."

Sokka shook his head. "Look, I know I've mostly accepted your crazy at this point, and I'm not really going to question that thought, but I don't see how this has anything to do with you leaving."

"I don't know what it has to do with anything," she shot back. "That's why I'm leaving. I've already been itching for a change of scenery. I'm going to talk to Iroh - Aang always said he knows something about the spirits. He might have an idea of what I'm supposed to do."

To her surprise, he didn't have a smart remark for that. He just watched her carefully, thinking for a long moment.

"Yeah, that… that doesn't sound like a terrible idea," he admitted. "And you do need to get out and do something that doesn't remind you of Aang. I know your classes have been hard this week."

She softened, giving him a small smile and a breath of relief. With or without his support, she was going - but she had to admit that _having_ it made it much easier to leave.

Sokka helped her pack, though begrudgingly; he was loath to talk to her much, which only frustrated her more. Her ship was arriving by early afternoon; the trip would take almost a fortnight, and it would be difficult to write him while she was aboard. Even once she landed, she had no idea how long she would be gone for - weeks, maybe months - and she was suddenly very aware that Sokka didn't have the luxury of time that she did to figure his life out.

He didn't want to engage, but she forced the conversation, like she always did when it needed to be done.

"You have to tell Dad you won't do it."

He snorted. "Okay. Yeah. That's great advice, Katara, I'll just do that."

He knew, of course, exactly what she was referring to: the ceremony coming up at the end of the next lunar cycle, the one where Hakoda, after years of training and rigor, would crown Sokka as the new Chief of the Southern Water Tribe.

She gave him a light shove on the arm. "I'm serious. If this isn't what you want, you can't go through with it. Dad's the only man in the history of the tribe to hand off his title to someone else while still alive - you can't exactly turn around and do it to someone else five years down the road. We've just barely started rebuilding the culture in our tribe."

"Do you want to do it?" he snapped angrily, shooting a resentful glare at her. "It's not like I can just limbo under it and it'll go away like magic. Dad's planned to move officially into Full Moon Bay and is already coordinating with city planners there."

She cut him off with a raised hand. "I know, Sokka, I understand what he's doing. But you can't be forced to give up the rest of your life for him. I know this sounds harsh, but - but he's already had his chance to start a family and his life. You haven't had that chance yet, and if this isn't what you want, you need to go after what you do want. When was the last time you saw Suki?"

He gave her a defeated sigh. "Two months ago."

"And does Dad know that?"

"No."

"Does he know that she can't move here because of her role in Kyoshi?"

"No."

"Does he know that you wouldn't want to be Chief even if she could live here?"

"I mean… sort of?"

She put her hands on her hips; always the mother hen. "You have to tell him, Sokka. I mean it. You'll lose Suki if you don't. I don't want that for you, and neither does Dad."

He sat still, hands pausing over the coat he was folding for her, looking pensive. "I'll think about it."

"You don't have much time."

* * *

The ship was smaller than she might have expected, although to be fair she was the only person leaving the village. As she stood at the dock with her bags, with Sokka and Hakoda beside her there to see her off, her mind wandered back to the first ship she'd ever seen that wasn't ancient and immobile - the day that Zuko had arrived, looking for what he presumed would be an extremely old man; the Avatar. It might have been that she was half a foot shorter then, but his ship had seemed so incredibly massive to her - the memory of it dwarfed the one pulling into the bay now.

The men finished docking, and it was time. Her brother and her father helped her scoop up her luggage and hauled it on board with her, following her steps as she walked down the long central hallway and asked directions from one of the men on guard. Her room was down a set of narrow stairs and nearly at the end; Sokka was panting dramatically by the time they reached it.

Katara's arms were a little sore, too, but she wasn't about to complain. This was the most excitement she'd had in months.

Her room was a bit bigger than what she was used to, to her surprise. The room was decorated floor-to-ceiling in Water Tribe regalia; large polar boar tusks adorned the wall above the headboard, and the rug, matching the thick blankets, were a shade of deep royal blue with white fringes. Various trinkets in silver and gold were mounted proudly on both the nightstand and the drawing desk; some from the Water Tribe, mostly from other regions. This was the room, she guessed by his familiarity with the layout and where to put things, that Hakoda usually stayed in during his trips to the other nations.

"Thank you, both of you," she breathed as they helped her settle in. "We're not staying docked long- you guys should probably get going before you get stuck on board with me." Her lips curled up at the ends, just a bit, as she said it, attempting to joke with them. Truthfully, she was too anxious and wound up to let loose, but she didn't want Hakoda to see that; he had been deeply frustrated with her for leaving on such short notice, essentially leaving her students without a teacher for a completely indefinite amount of time. If he knew she wasn't even totally sure of her decision, he'd be that much more disappointed in her, and she couldn't stand that. She had also inadvertently made it more difficult for Sokka to confess to their dad, having put him in a sour mood, and Katara knew she owed him a giant favor for this.

She hugged them both goodbye, but when she expected them to take their leave, Hakoda turned to look over at her brother. "Sokka, I'll meet you outside," he said evenly. Not an order by anyone else's standards, but they both knew that particular tone for him was not to be questioned.

With the room to themselves, her father peered down at her with a grave expression. He was silent for a long while, every second increasing the anxiety winding itself into a ball in her stomach. She almost opened her mouth to ask him to spit it out, but decided against it at the last minute. He would speak when he was ready.

Finally, he murmured, "I'm very proud of you, Katara."

She tilted her head just slightly, confused. "Thank you ...?"

Hakoda took a deep breath. "But I have to ask - you're not doing this because of me, are you?"

Katara stared at him, dumbfounded. They'd resolved their tension _years_ ago - surely he couldn't still think she was angry with him for leaving?

"I've been gone so much," he elaborated. "I know it hasn't been easy, after everything we all went through, for you to come back home and still not have me here. I would understand if you were upset with me."

She sighed. "No, Dad," she told him quietly. "Truthfully, it has nothing to with you, or Sokka. I understand why it's hard for you to be here, and I don't blame you. This," she said, holding up the small bag she was carrying in her arms, "is for me. I need something outside of being the Avatar's girlfriend. I need something more than teaching. I helped bring this world back into balance, and... I feel like my part in rebuilding it isn't done. I just don't know what it is that I'm supposed to do."

Hakoda's mouth twitched upwards. "But you're not the Avatar's girlfriend anymore, are you?"

She paled. "What? I-"

He held up a hand. "Sokka told me."

Katara gritted her teeth. "Dammit," she muttered.

"It's okay. I'm not going to tell you you should stay with him, if that's not what you want." Stepping closer, he placed his hands on her shoulders and gave her a small smile. "I don't know if I tell you this enough, but you take after your mother. She would be just as proud of you as I am for everything you've done. And I believe in you."

Willing the tears in her eyes to go away, she shook her head, smiling. "Thanks, Dad."

"Good luck, kiddo."


	3. Old Friends

**three: old friends**

Katara was not loving how often her stomach rolled with this level of anxiety lately. First with Aang, then with the decision to leave the South Pole, and now, the morning of her arrival, the thought of seeing Iroh and Zuko for the first time in almost two years had her wound up and pacing around her room, a giant ball of nervous energy. Katara hadn't waited for a response to the envoy she sent them, she'd just packed up her things and invited herself over. Only now was it occurring to her that that might not have been her best idea.

She sighed. Can't _do anything about it now._

As the crew prepared to dock, Katara waited quietly with her baggage and wrung her hands, unable to help much. Distracted, her mind wandered back to the last time she had seen the Fire Nation royal family - a mostly uneventful trip with Aang. They'd come to check in with Fire Lord Zuko about the liberation process for the Hu Xin provinces, with the ultimate decision being to absorb it into the United Republic upon official instatement.

Katara hadn't been much involved in the meetings. She had really come to get out of the house, in a manner of speaking, and visit old friends. However, Zuko, the old friend in question, had been in a sullen mood the entire time she was there. She suspected it had to do with the failing search for his mother; and maybe, partially, the fact that Mai, whom he was still dating on and off, was quite literally a walking black hole, slowly draining the life out of him.

She wanted to say she had made peace with Mai and Ty Lee for their transgressions before the Comet - and sure, she didn't _actively_ hold a grudge against either of them. But still, that didn't mean she had to like them as people. Zuko had proven himself to be someone with a good moral compass, someone willing to work for what he had done wrong, but she hadn't seen any effort from Azula's friends - especially not Mai. As far as Katara was concerned, all Mai cared about was herself.

She hadn't even gotten a real goodbye from Zuko when they'd left. Something had "come up," and he wasn't able to make it to the dock to see them off. The last conversation they'd had, he'd been so grumbly and quiet and inattentive with her, that she'd gotten frustrated and cut it short to leave him alone to stew in his thoughts.

He hadn't been writing her, either, despite the promise he made her.

Regardless, it was time for her to take another stab at it. Xin, one of the crewmen, offered to help her out with her luggage, which she gratefully agreed to. Leaning over the railing, she scanned the dock eagerly, searching out familiar faces to greet her. Iroh was there, beaming and waving wildly. She laughed, realizing how much she'd missed him.

The man welcomed her with a large, warm hug as she descended. Her fears from the early morning were quickly evaporating. "Welcome back to the Fire Nation, Master Katara." He placed his hands on her shoulders, smiling. "We have missed you."

"I've missed everyone too," she breathed, soaking in the feeling of relief. "Where's Zuko?"

An odd expression crossed his face for just the briefest moment; she couldn't decipher it, and it was gone so fast she wasn't entirely sure she didn't imagine it. "He remains at the palace. My nephew sends his regards, but he cannot greet you in person until later this evening."

She raised an eyebrow. "No time in His Excellency's busy schedule to stop by and say hi?" Katara quipped. The joke fell a little flat; Zuko hated his friends using any sort of title with him. Katara loved to take advantage of his faux ire, but Iroh didn't pay much attention to it either way.

"He is very sorry to have missed you, Katara," Iroh told her softly, letting go of her. "But there is a great dinner planned for tonight. You will have time to reconnect with him then."

"Well, you didn't have to do that for me, but thank you." Iroh began to lead her to the caravan that would shuttle them back to the palace, and she felt a spring in her step as they walked.

The palace was a short ride away, especially compared to the last two weeks she'd spent at sea. The air was different here than her last visit; the streets were noisier, rang with more arguing, as well as laughter - she noticed more children running and skipping across the smooth brick roads and playing between the shops and stands. The vendors were bolder, hollering about their wares and produce so loudly they could be heard three streets over. It was dry season here; the grass that lined the paved roads was brown and brittle, the trees limp and sad. Few flowers were growing, fewer still blooming. The sun beat down heavily on everyone and everything on the ground; while she knew it wouldn't last very long, Katara was momentarily content with the change of climate.

Iroh, echoing her thoughts, leaned over and followed her gaze, fixated on the plaza they were passing by, easily the busiest part of the city they had seen so far.

"Everyone is preparing for the midsummer festival; it begins in three days," he told her. Pointing up at the elegantly constructed pagoda at the southern point of the square, he continued, "You came at a great time. This right here is where we will be holding the festivities. The colonies more or less kept the summer tradition during the war, but the Fire Nation Capital has not held a proper Midsummer Festival in nearly thirty years, since before my own son was born."

She smiled and turned towards him. "What's the festival for?"

"To celebrate the peak of Firebending strength. The festival was created to honor the spirits who gave us our bending."

"Will there be firebending performances? I saw some at a festival in an Earth Kingdom colony once, during the war. That's... sort of how we wound up with Aang's first firebending mentor." She shuddered a little at the memory of the giant fireball hurtling towards her face on stage, but shook it off. She knew better than to participate now, but she wouldn't let that stop her from watching.

There was an odd twinkle in his eye when she looked up at him eagerly, waiting for an answer. "The best in the world."

* * *

That dinner that Iroh had told her about was still several hours off. Katara was tired, having slept little and fitfully the night before in anticipation, but when she tried lying down in the guestroom that had been set aside for her, she found herself staring at the ceiling, trying to wish time to pass faster. She'd already gone through all of the clothing she had packed, trying to find something nice to wear for the evening. Truthfully, she just didn't own much in the way of fancy clothes. In the South Pole, she had a nice overcoat or two, but there wasn't usually much point in nice dresses - they would mostly go unseen under all the necessary layers in eternal winter.

Having settled on something mildly pretty - a plain blue, scoop-neck dress with a high waist, wide skirts and short sleeves - she eventually got up and left the room, meandering through the hallways of the palace's third floor. It had been some years, but she still more or less remembered the path out to the gardens. Some fresh, warm air would do her good.

It took her a little under five minutes to find it, but once she arrived, her hope was quickly squashed as she saw a pair of tense-looking guards hovering in front of the exit doors, closed.

She approached the shorter of the two men. "Excuse me - h-hi," she stuttered, feeling the intensity of the Fire Nation Royal Guard's stare beat down on her as she drew his attention. "Are the gardens closed?"

"Yes," he barked. "Fire Lord Zuko has ordered the exits closed off while renovations are underway."

Her eyebrows furrowed, confused. "Renovations? He loves that garden." Some of his best memories with his mother were there - it made no sense for him to tear it down or build up around it. "Why would he do that?"

"Those are orders, ma'am."

"Well. That's unhelpful," Katara sighed. "When will they be reopening?"

"To be determined, ma'am."

She crossed her arms over her chest, annoyed. What was she supposed to do now? "Thank you for your help," she muttered, giving them the traditional Fire Nation departure bow and gesture, which they pointedly did not return. _When did these guys get so stoic and mean?_

Frustrated, she sauntered off in search of the royal baths - Zuko had put in a large steam room somewhere on one of the lower levels a while back. She had never seen it, but he'd definitely talked enough about it the last time she was here. In fact, that was the only thing she remembered him being genuinely excited about the entire visit. _Guy must be under a lot of stress to be so jazzed about a steam room_. Lucky for her, it would be the perfect place to practice some waterbending techniques she rarely had the chance to work on. Steam didn't often occur naturally in the South Pole.

#

When she found it, she was shocked how packed it was.

The bath house was enormous. Several pools spanned the room, infinity edges spilling between them to connect the different bodies of water. Pillows and benches lined the walls, a good distance away from the edges of the water, and black and gold statuettes that Katara couldn't identify were placed at strategic intervals for decoration. She knew that the palace staff was allowed to use it during their breaks and after hours, but the place was filled top to bottom with a wide variety of men and women, many of which carried an authoritative, important air one didn't usually see with servants.

It took her a while to find a quiet corner to claim for herself, still an uncomfortably close proximity to a few other bathers, but she forced herself to let out a sigh and began to disrobe down to her wraps. It took a few more deep breaths with closed eyes to feel truly centered, but she eventually let the steam take over, felt it pulsing softly inside of her, and released her tense muscles. Her hands rose up instinctively in front of her and, eyes still shut, she let her limbs flow through the movements slowly, easily. It took more coaxing and strength than fully liquid water, and she soon warmed up to the challenge, opening her eyes and grounding her stance. It danced through the air seamlessly, and she thought with a smirk that anyone watching would assume it was easy. Her fingers curled out and in and out again, finessing it to fold in on itself and maintain its shape.

Katara was so lost in her own thoughts that the sudden sound of clapping in her direction startled her, and she dropped the water from its place over her head all over herself. Blinking, she cast her gaze over her shoulder.

It was Mai.

And she wasn't alone. Zuko's girlfriend, tall, slim and oddly beautiful, was surrounded by several other people, relatively close to her age, and relatively close to her signature level of dark broodiness that Katara disliked her for. She didn't recognize any of them.

"Nice show," Mai said evenly, peering at her through her perpetually-narrowed eyes.

Katara bent the spilled water off her hair and body and lowered her arms. She loosened her stance, standing full upright. "Thanks?" She didn't mean for it to come out as a question, but this was two more words than Mai had ever willingly said to her before.

Mai crossed her arms over her chest - quite a bit bigger than Katara's own, she noticed wistfully - and stood a little straighter herself. "You know, Zuko only told me two days ago that you were coming," she said, her voice still tinged with that raspy quality that Katara remembered. "You could have given us more notice, you know."

She ducked her head a little, embarrassed. She should have expected this - they had never really gotten along to begin with. "I know. I'm sorry. It was sort of a last minute decision," she explained, shrugging.

"Poor planning on your part doesn't constitute an emergency change of plans on our part." Mai tilted her chin up, just slightly. She let the silence drag on between them for a long, painful beat. Katara notice a couple of her friends trying to hide their snickers. Finally, she gave that trademark laboured Mai sigh. "But, you're here, and that's that. Sorry Zuko couldn't greet you at entry today; he was... helping me with some things." One of her cronies - a young woman with a small scar on her lip - let out an uncontrolled laugh that she tried unsuccessfully to cover up with a cough.

Sidestepping around the innuendo, Katara stuck out a hand to the closest one of Mai's unintroduced friends. "I'm Katara," she breathed, forcing a smile.

The woman stared down at her hand for an unnecessarily intense moment before reluctantly shaking it. "Ruriko," she remarked flatly.

"Nice to meet you." She met, learned and promptly forgot the names of the others in quick succession; none of them were any friendlier than the one before. They all looked somewhat similar, a slightly olive-toned look to their skin that Katara hadn't often seen before.

To her surprise, Ruriko spoke up. "We're from Kirachu island, here for the summit."

Katara blinked, stunned. "The what?"

Mai raised a thin eyebrow. "The summit, Water Tribe. Representatives from the major islands are here for the festival and are meeting this week to discuss matters of top national priority. We have other concerns besides housing the riffraff that shows up on our doorstep."

Katara felt her face turn deep, dark red, and thanked the spirits that the room was dim. "I-I didn't know that. Zuko didn't mention it."

The taller woman scoffed. "Presumptuous and ignorant. Wonderful. Are you bringing that attitude to dinner tonight?"

It took a second for the words to come together, and when they did, it hit Katara like a ton of bricks. Dinner wasn't _for_ her; she'd been invited last minute when Zuko got her letter. She hadn't realized it would be a court affair; she'd hoped, maybe naively, that tonight was just for old friends. By the sheer number of important people here in the room, Katara guessed she had walked right into the middle of a huge national affair. She kicked herself mentally.

As much as she wanted to throw a water whip in Mai's face, Katara bit her tongue and held back the urge. "I'm just excited to be here," she said quietly. She gave them the sign of farewell and marched back to the wall to retrieve her clothes, face still burning hot.

* * *

Finally, it was time. Her dress was tied, hair pulled back into a simple high, loose bun, and her skin was still glowy from the steam room ( _at least something good came out of all that_ , she thought). The knock on her bedroom door came and she answered with an excited grin to let in the servant who would be leading her down.

Iroh had mentioned that the dining area for each nightly meal had to be kept secret for now; nobody besides Iroh, who was Chief Adviser and assisted the Fire Lord in strategizing, knew the whereabouts until it was time to send for the escorts. He said something briefly about concerns of poisoning - he wouldn't elaborate whether it was simply a precaution, or whether they knew something that warranted the secrecy, but either way she knew she could get Zuko to talk. If he was in danger, no matter how big or small the threat, she was going to know about it.

The escort - whose name, she discovered after some intense prying, was Saori - was a young girl, about fourteen or fifteen, and was small and quiet. Katara tried getting her to talk on their long journey up to the fifth floor, but to no avail. The girl made a conversation of nods and one-word answers. She sighed; she desperately needed this evening, just for the sake of someone to talk to. The last two weeks of solitude had been rough.

As they approached a set of simple, yet elegantly crafted doors, Katara's heart rate kicked up. She nearly shoved through the doors in her excitement to get inside - though, to her disappointment, they were the first to arrive.

"I will show you to your seat," Saori murmured, so quietly she almost didn't hear her. Brushing her arm gently, she led her towards the middle of the table, at a seat that looked far away from where Zuko and Iroh would be sitting.

"How many people are coming to this?" she asked, eyeballing the long row of chairs. She'd assumed earlier that the national summit was going to be a large to-do, but there was no way _all_ of those people were coming to dinner tonight.

Right?

Fifteen, twenty minutes passed, and strange guests began filing in, their escorts leading them gracefully to their assigned seating. Everyone else came in pairs; it looked as though Katara was the only one here alone. Many were romantic couples, though not all. Some were with apparent business or political partners, some with friends. Everyone was wearing some sort of insignia that identified their colony; she recognized only one or two. It was funny how she had spent her whole childhood being terrified of the Fire Nation and their power and control, yet she'd never really stopped to consider how big they were as a nation - how much land mass, how many people, how many towns and cities and islands. She'd sort of always thought of it as one big conglomerate powerhouse, even when she was staying on the different islands in the outer rim.

It was nearly a half hour before Iroh appeared. _They're really serious about this security thing_ , Katara thought. Keeping secret the timing of the Fire Lord's appearance was part of the deal. _Something's wrong._

"Honored guests," Iroh announced, quickly shushing the entire room of its chatter. "Welcome to the Fire Nation Capital. I trust your journeys were safe and smooth." Here he gave a small bow of the head, which the rest of the guests returned to him. Katara, catching on a moment too late, returned the bow as well, a beat after everyone else. "It is my great pleasure to introduce the host of tonight's event, the Esteemed Fire Lord Zuko!"

Joyous applause spread easily down the table, and Katara found herself clapping with them, her heart stirring excitedly as she waited for his entrance.

Four guards shuffled into the room, each looking extremely tense and serious. Their expressions kicked up anxiety in Katara's stomach, her unease about the issue of the poisoning threat from before rising up again. Her hands curled up into tight fists in her lap; she was going to talk to him the _second_ dinner was over.

And then, from behind the last Fire Nation Royal Guard, she saw him, waiting for a clear space to enter.

Zuko.

* * *

 **author's note:** leave a review please! would mean the world to me.


	4. Black Ice

**author's note:** sorry for the delay! finals murdered me and now i'm back.

also, goes without being said, but within the confines of this fic i'm rejecting The Search and all other comics from canon. so, in case anyone wants to come at me with that, don't. otherwise, sit down, buckle up, and please keep hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times.

* * *

 **four: black ice**

He had gotten so tall.

The Fire Lord had a short, neatly trimmed beard on his chin now, too, she noticed. It looked surprisingly good on him.

Zuko looked nothing like the banished prince that had chased them across the entire globe. His hair, longer now than it was even then when he wore it in a ponytail, was pulled into a half up- half down hairstyle that accentuated the newly sharp lines of his face, all traces of his boyhood now gone, leaving a man in its place. Katara's mind wandered back to just a few weeks before, to the similar thoughts she had had of Aang during their goodbyes. They were all getting older, she supposed, and it should be no surprise to see her friends as the adults they were growing into. It didn't help that the last time she'd seen him, he'd still looked like a gangly teenager.

The person before her now was not just a man, but a ruler. His long robes, deep red and shimmering black, trimmed in muted gold, were regal and fine, and the crown in his hair was poised and elegant, if small. He walked with his head held high and his shoulders square.

It was only after an intense minute of staring that she noticed Mai, aura still as stuck up as it was a few hours prior, glued to his side. She hadn't quite seen it earlier in the dim steam room, but her hair was short now, an asymmetrical bob that somehow made her look even more dangerous and intimidating than she had before. The woman was a walking weapon. It was in the air she breathed, in her stealthy gloves that Katara was sure hid a multitude of sharp objects, in her dark eyes, in her strong, confident gait. She was a year younger than Zuko, yet possessed more venom in her body than he would in his entire lifetime.

 _A far cry from the Fire Lady Ursa would have been_ , Katara thought sourly. Still, she couldn't help but feel the tiniest bit grateful that Zuko's partner was someone who could so undoubtedly keep him safe. The list of people who wanted him dead ran ten miles long.

Mai looked bored already, and they had only just been introduced. Well - _Zuko_ had; Iroh had not mentioned Mai at all, or what her title was now. They weren't married - was it Lady Mai? Noblewoman Mai? Her family was of Fire Nation nobility, right?

They took a coordinated bow together and a bout of cheer erupted once more. Zuko led Mai to their seats at the head of the table, walking past on the side opposite where Katara sat. She tried to catch his eye to wave hello, but his head was turned to the side; it looked as though they were locked in conversation. Not a pleasant one, judging by the frowns on both their faces. Katara sighed, eyes falling down to her empty plate, and hoped that at least the food would be good.

#

It wasn't.

Honestly, she should have remembered how much she hated spicy food. It had been years since she'd had it - their last visit here, she'd asked for specific catering for herself and for Aang. The last time she'd eaten anything even remotely hot was during their travels with the gaang after Zuko had joined them. The day after the two of them had returned from their Life Changing Field Trip, Zuko had convinced her to try a bite of raw fire flakes, insisting she needed to try something new and interesting. This came right after another spat in which she'd defended her choice of hairstyle that hadn't changed in the entirety of her then-fourteen years, and so she'd felt a prideful spark of defensiveness. Katara ripped through nearly half the bag before she realized her mouth was on fire. He'd gotten way too much of a kick out of it.

After silently begging the server for several long minutes to make eye contact with her so she could ask for some milk to cool her tongue, she sucked it down so quickly she knew her stomach was going to give her hell for it later. It was as good an excuse as any to lie her utensils down and signal she was done eating.

"And who might you be, sitting over there so quietly by yourself?"

Katara blinked, then looked up. Across from her sat a man, early thirties, seated with a companion who resembled him so strongly she guessed they were brothers. He had close-cropped hair, unusual for a Fire Nation man, stark golden eyes and a strong nose. His attire matched what Admiral Zhao and other high-ranking military officials would wear during the war, though noticeably missing the matching brother had turned his attention to a woman with dark skin and darker eyes sitting beside him, and away from his designated partner for the evening.

She sat up a little straighter, trying to look nonchalant about brushing a loose strand of hair out of her eyes. "Katara - Master Katara, of the Southern Water Tribe," she told him, hoping she didn't sound too pompous. Katara rarely used her full title, but it seemed appropriate for the occasion. If she was only going to talk to one person at this event of Super Important People, she was going to be super important too.

The man smiled down at her and chuckled. "The Fire Lord doesn't usually share his guest lists in advance, but still, I'm surprised to see a Waterbender here." He bowed his head slightly at her. "Lieutenant Katsuzo."

 _He_ is _military. I knew it._ "I'm not really here on Fire Nation business," she admitted. "I'm just a... personal friend. Bad timing, I guess."

"On the contrary, I think it's great timing. Many of us need to be reminded that life exists outside of the Fire Nation. Most people haven't traveled outside the country since the war ended, and they don't see a reason to." He twirled a finger in the air, gesturing to the pomp around them. "A little cultural mingling might be in order."

She wanted to ask him if he had served during the War, but bit her tongue. "And are you one of the few, cultured exceptions?" A servant came around behind her shoulder as she spoke, being careful not to brush against her as she refilled Katara's cup of rice wine. She took another eager drink.

He finished his bite and dabbed at his chin with the fancy, embroidered royal napkins set out by each plate. "No, though I wish I could be. I've been on assignment for the last few years, deployed around to different islands but never outside the country."

Katara nodded, giving a small sigh. "That's sort of why I'm here. I've barely left the South Pole since the War ended. It's... not like how I thought it would be. I always imagined that once it was over, everyone would be able to travel freely again, and share the world like we used to. But it seems like everyone's somehow even _more_ afraid of each other now. I have friends in the Earth Kingdom I haven't seen in years."

"No one wants to make a wrong step. The last thing anyone wants right now is conflict, so people would rather not say or do anything at all that might stir the pot."

She raised her glass. "To stirring the pot," she declared, smiling brightly.

He echoed her sentiment, and they both emptied their cups. "You said that you're a personal friend... of the Fire Lord, I presume?" the Lieutenant asked.

She nodded. "It's kind of a funny story - we used to hate each other. But after he joined our group, with the Avatar, he became one of our closest friends."

Katsuzo's eyes widened at that. "The Avatar! I knew your name sounded familiar. You're the Avatar's wife, aren't you? I'm surprised he let you come all this way to visit a male friend without supervision."

He chuckled, and Katara knew well that he was joking, but she couldn't make herself laugh. "No," she rebutted, tone a bit too harsh. "I'm not his wife. We're-" she cut herself off, realizing this was not the place to make an impromptu announcement to the world that the Avatar was single. They hadn't told anyone about the breakup, other than her family. "...He couldn't make it, unfortunately. Busy with Avatar stuff, you know," she muttered, waving a hand.

Katsuzo started to speak, but was quickly cut off by a deep, booming voice making an announcement. "For any guests who would like to move on to the entertainment for the night, there is music and live art in the courtyard across the hall. Please feel free to excuse yourselves at any time; the Fire Lord will be joining the festivity shortly."

She raised an eyebrow at that, and before she could even ask, the Lieutenant explained, "Nobody leaves the table until the Fire Lord finishes his meal, unless there's explicit permission to do otherwise. Even then, people usually need to prompted a few times before they'll leave the room if he's still eating."

Peering down the table to get a good look at His Excellency, Katara realized that he'd barely touched his plate. There was a deep frown on his face, and he sat completely still as Mai spoke to him. They were too far away from her to hear what was said or hope for any clear lip reading, but neither of them looked happy, to say the least.

"Well, he's _not_ eating, at all," she mused quietly. "I wonder why."

Katsuzo shrugged, laying his fork and knife down resolutely. "I couldn't tell you, but I know I'm not waiting for him to start." He turned back to his brother, still engrossed in conversation with the beautiful lady beside him, and tapped his shoulder. "Let's get going." Facing Katara again, he gave her another bow of his head. "Enjoy your evening, Master Katara."

She returned the gesture, preparing to stand up herself. "You as well, Lieutenant Katsuzo."

#

The crowd seemed at least a little thinner once she managed to get outside; Katara assumed some of the guests had retired for the night. The courtyard, a grand stone pavilion lined with flowers, hedges and various other plants foreign to her. It was past sunset, not quite pitch black yet, but dark enough that the medley of lamps and torches interspersed throughout the displays were welcome.

She found a small pond to sit by, taking a moment to breathe and feel the warm summer air. It would probably be a while until Zuko came outside, and even then she wasn't sure she'd be able to get a moment with him. Maybe she could at least find Iroh; he probably took his nephew's safety more seriously anyway.

A few minutes went by as the hum of the party grew louder, more bodies filing in and filling their cups. Katara hadn't taken time to check out any of the performances up close yet, but from what she could hear peripherally, she knew they could keep her entertained for an hour or so.

Just as she was opening her eyes and ready to stand up in search of the Royal Adviser, she felt a light tap on her shoulder. Katara's head whipped around and her eyes followed the hand up to see who had come to bother her; she jumped up with excitement when the sight of his face registered, nearly knocking him over. "Hey!" she exclaimed, a giant grin spreading over her face. Her arms shot up to wrap around his shoulders in a bear hug of their own volition. He instantly reached down to return the gesture.

Zuko's smile wasn't quite as wide as hers when she pulled away, but there was a gleam in his eye that told her he was just as glad to see her. "Katara," he said warmly, his voice deeper and rougher than when she last saw him. "I'm glad you came."

A quick glance around let her know that he was wonderfully alone, no dark cloud hanging over his shoulder as she'd expected. "I'm glad _someone_ is," she chuckled. When he cocked his head to the side in confusion, she elaborated, "Mai was... put off that she didn't know sooner. It's my fault," she added quickly as he was about to interrupt. "It's not like I gave you guys much notice." Her cheeks felt just the slightest bit hot. In all the ways she'd grown up over the years, curbing her impulses was not one of them.

Zuko simply shook his head. "That's just the way she is," he sighed. "If it wasn't you, she'd find something else to be put out about. Don't take it personally."

Katara wanted desperately to comment on that, but somehow managed to restrain herself. _Some other time. Don't go getting into a fight with him your first night here._ "It wasn't even just that - I was talking with someone over dinner who seemed surprised I was there, he said that your people have really kept to themselves over the last few years. Is that true?"

He didn't answer her question, but instead furrowed his brow. "Who did you talk to?"

"He said his name was Lieutenant Katsuzo," she told him, feeling slightly uneasy at his intensity. "Why?"

Shaking his head once more, he said quietly, "Just be careful what you say and who you talk to. Things are... tense right now."

"I know." She crossed her arms over her chest and looked up at him sternly. "Speaking of which, what's going on? Your uncle said you might be in some kind of danger. Is it _real_ danger, or worried-uncle paranoia?"

Looking over his shoulder, he gestured her forward, leading her on a short walk further away from the commotion. "I won't lie to you, I-"

"Good, because you can't," she smirked.

He gave her a deadpan look, and she knew he wanted to roll his eyes at her. "It's not paranoia. My intelligence has confirmed activity of an underground Earth Kingdom faction. They're not too happy that the Fire Nation was allowed continued sovereignty, and they feel that the colony restoration isn't happening quickly enough."

"So, what, they want to force annexation back into the Earth Kingdom? So many of the colonies have more Fire Nation citizens than actual Earth Kingdom people, it's not that simple."

He nodded. "I know. Trust me, I know. But no, that's not it. Supposedly they want to take over the Fire Nation."

"They... _what_?" Katara was stunned. She knew there was still unrest, and she supposed she'd been pretty isolated from anything that didn't affect the Water Tribes directly, but this seemed too big for Aang not have known about. For Katara not to have known about. "Are they planning to..." her voice, already a small whisper, trailed off. She could hardly think about it.

"Assassinate me? Yes."

A small shiver ran up her spine. "How certain is your 'intelligence?' "

"Very. There's concern of infiltration into the military, possibly in the Council. I can't trust very many people right now."

"Why did you invite all of these people here then?" she asked angrily, arms gesturing around to the full courtyard. "You're walking on black ice here."

He raised his good eyebrow. "Black ice?"

"It's an expression. It's... a threat you can't see, something you don't know is there until after it's hurt you."

He nodded. "I know. It was Uncle's suggestion. Weed people out, if you will."

Katara gritted her teeth. "You should get out of here, Zuko. Leave the country for a little while. It's not safe."

His eyes flashed angrily. "And what, let my people think I'm a coward who can't handle a threat? No."

She was taken aback by that. "Do they _know_?"

"No. Of course not. But they will, sooner or later. And as soon as they think I'm unfit to rule, any hope for this country is lost." He closed his eyes and turned away, pensive. "I know I've made a lot of mistakes, and I'll probably keep making mistakes. But I'm not abandoning my post. My honor is all I have right now."

Katara sighed, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Maybe you're right. I'm just worried about you, that's all."

"I know," he said, agitated. "So is everyone else. I have guards on me twenty four- seven." There was a moment of tense silence. Pulling away from her just enough to force her hand away, he muttered, "We shouldn't talk about this here. It's not safe."

Nodding, she turned away and kept walking, leading them back towards the party. "So I saw that the gardens are closed off," she called back over her shoulder. "What's up with that?"

He sighed again, picking up his pace to catch up with her. "I know you're trying to change the subject, but..."

She felt her body tense up. "Security?" she guessed.

"Yeah." He shook his head, his long hair dancing in front of his face with the movement. "Don't tell anyone, but there's a secret entrance from the garden that goes straight to my mother's old room... which is connected to what is now _my_ room." Katara's eyebrows raised as she processed what he was saying. "It's too risky to be exposed like that, especially with all of these..." he hesitated. "These guests."

Katara nodded sagely. "How long have they been closed? The guards told me it was being renovated."

"That's a funny way of putting it," he chuckled. "I'm sealing off the entrance, that's all. Not much of a renovation."

"Oh." She paused, unsure of where to go from there.

Fortunately, he took the lead for once. "You didn't tell me why you were coming," he said evenly, looking down at her. "I sort of expected to see Aang or your brother."

She had a momentary flashback to her conversation at dinner. _I really didn't tell anyone, did I?_ "Sorry, Your Royal Highness, I didn't think I needed to send a lengthy scroll asking His Majesty's permission before crossing his borders," she jibed, elbowing him playfully.

"You don't! But all your letter said was - and I quote - " _I'm coming over_." You could have given me at least a little detail! Do you need something for your tribe?"

"No!" she scoffed, stopping in her tracks to look him square in the eye. The effect of her mock anger was thwarted by a random passerby bumping into her, caught off guard by her sudden halt. "Sorry," she murmured in their direction, biting her lip before looking up at him again. "I didn't come for _money_ or _favors,_ Zuko, I came to see you. And to get away from the South Pole for a little while."

"And away from your boyfriend and your family, apparently."

"He..." Katara trailed off. She hated talking about it; there was no real tactful or graceful way to go about it. With a heavy sigh, she cast her gaze down. "Aang and I broke up," she told him quietly.

She didn't see his reaction, but it took him a long moment to respond. "I'm sorry, Katara. I didn't know."

"I know you didn't. I didn't tell you. Or anyone else, really." She kicked the ground with her big toe. "I don't really want to talk about it."

"Well... what would you like to do while you're here? Did Uncle tell you about the festival?"

"Yeah. I'll definitely be there." She smiled. "There's some other stuff I want to talk to your Uncle about too. But I want to know more about what's going on outside of the Tribe. I want to find a way to contribute to the restoration. I'm hoping you can help me with that."

He grinned. "I'm sure I can find something for you to do."


	5. The Secrets of Spirits

**five: the secrets of spirits**

The Fire Lord's War Room was disappointingly bland.

Knowing that this was the place where all the Shit went down that led to Zuko' scar (a story he shared with her in a rare moment of raw vulnerability, after Azula shot him), Katara had built up the place in her head to be a lot more... well, _more_. More intimidating, more fearsome - at least more _decorated_.

"It's just... a fire wall," she blurted, dumbfounded.

Iroh let out a loud, hearty laugh behind her. "Yes, I suppose it is," he replied, still chuckling. "This is the Fire Nation, you know. We received the name for a reason."

"It just seems a little on the nose."

"Perhaps." He strode up to pass her, leading her to the long table along the ground and gestured to a cushion for her to take a seat. She did so uneasily in her dress, taking longer to get comfortable than Iroh. When she felt settled, she straightened her skirts and looked up at the General. "Why did you bring me here? Doesn't the palace have conference rooms for civilian meetings too?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. _Maybe this whole place was built as a military base_ , she thought dryly.

"It does," he said slowly, "however, those rooms are not as secure. Here, we can be sure that we are not interrupted, or watched."

Katara nodded. "I get it, but, still, it's not like I'm here on military business. I thought we'd meet at your tea shop or something." While Iroh had stepped away as acting management of the shop while Zuko needed him in the palace, he still retained ownership and spent much of his free time there. Aang had told her he still worked in the back brewing tea from time to time, when scheduling permitted.

The man looked grim at the mention of the tea shop. "Sadly, I have not had much time to visit the Jasmine Dragon as of late," he said quietly. "It is better for me to remain within the palace for now." Katara sensed there was more there than he was telling her, but she let it go. "So tell me, what is it you needed advice on?"

She gave a small sigh, looking down. "I guess I mostly just feel... lost. I thought that I would help rebuild my tribe and my culture after the war, and I know that teaching waterbending is a huge part of that, but it feels so monotonous now. I'm ready for a new project, but I just don't know what that looks like."

Iroh nodded, stroking his neatly trimmed beard. "It is hard for many of us know what our destinies look like. You are not alone in this," he said evenly. "We always have need of trusted friends here at the palace. If you would like, I am sure Fire Lord Zuko would be happy to appoint you as a personal bodyguard."

Katara shook her head as she thought about it. Zuko definitely needed as much protection as he could get, but was that really her place? "As much as I want to help him, I don't know if I want to commit to it as full- time work. I left the South Pole to get away from being attached to a man's hip; it feels wrong to latch on to someone else now."

"That is understandable, and probably wise. You are still young and have plenty of time to make a life for yourself." He paused, looking pensive. "I am assuming, since you came here for help, that you are at least somewhat open to working with the Fire Nation?" When Katara nodded, he continued, "It would be rigorous, tiring work, but I believe you would qualify to train as a spy for our military. I understand any hesitation you may have," he said firmly, noting the way she immediately recoiled at his offer, "and I would not suggest such a thing under normal circumstances. But this may be a way for you to become more involved in foreign affairs,y and learn about other paths you may want to take. Secret intelligence also offers a wide range of skills that will serve you wherever you go in life."

She paused, looking down at her hands folded neatly in her lap. "I mean..." she trailed off. Her head was shaking, just slightly, seemingly on its own. "I just don't like the idea of completely aligning myself with another nation. No offense," she said quickly, her hands coming up defensively. "But I still want to keep my ties primarily with the Water Tribes."

He nodded again and closed his eyes, his fingers ever smoothing through this gray beard, and she suddenly felt a small pang of guilt. He was trying to help her, taking time out of his busy schedule at her request, and she was firing back at everything, shooting down all of his suggestions. She really wasn't trying to be difficult, but she needed to get this right. "I think that what may be best for you is some middle ground." Iroh opened his warm hazel eyes and squarely caught her gaze. "How does the title "Ambassador" sound to you?"

Her head cocked slightly to the side as his question sank in. It wasn't long ago she had suggested the same exact thing to Sokka; only now was she really considering the weight of the position and the responsibility that would come with it.

Iroh continued as she stared at him pensively. "You would receive permanent residency here in the Fire Nation, but your day-to-day life would consist of working to strengthen the relationship between our country and yours, and to serve your Tribe on a global level. Correct me if I am wrong, but I believe this is the work that you are searching for."

Her lips caught up in a small smile. He was right, she knew it. "Would it be possible to have some sort of... trial period?" she asked with a small amount of hesitation. "I've been snowed in and living in a fish bowl down in the South Pole for so long. I don't really know what's going on in the world right now."

"I am sure it can be arranged. Time allowing, I can offer you counsel on foreign affairs to help you get up to speed."

Katara's smile grew wider, beaming up at the royal Adviser. "That sounds great. But - could you keep that just between us? I don't want people knowing I need tutoring lessons; I want people to be able to respect me, and it seems hard enough here as it is," she said, her mind traveling back to the stranger's comments about the Fire Nation being so culturally isolated. Her work was already cut out for her.

He gave her a firm nod. "Very well, Master Katara."

"I did have one other thing I wanted to ask you about." She paused, taking a long moment to find the words. At his prompting, she recounted to him the dream she'd had at home that had urged her here. "I know it sounds crazy, but... do you think it's possible that I could have entered the spirit world?" she asked him, her voice betraying every ounce of doubt she felt in herself. Could regular people even _go_ to the spirit world on their own, without a giant spirit monster abducting them, a la Sokka? She'd said it out loud now not once, but twice, and she felt a deep twinge of embarrassment for even bringing it up. She'd never heard of anyone just ending up there willy- nilly; even _Aang_ had to find special circumstances to get there, and he was the almighty Bridge Between Worlds.

To her complete and utter surprise, Iroh took her question seriously, more seriously than she did herself. "It is entirely possible. I have never known of anyone who entered the spirit realm through a dream, but then again, no one ever gets there the same way twice." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "After my only son, Lu Ten, passed away during the war, I was so distraught. Even more so than when I lost my wife. I was in a state of complete despair." Letting the silence lapse for a moment, Katara felt a heavy weight fall onto them as his memory fell back to the worst period of his life. "I was younger then, a bit more foolish. I had heard rumors of a man, the Guru of the East, who knew of a path to the spirit world. At the time I was not even sure if I believed that the spirit world existed, but you see, I was desperate to see my son again, even if just one last time, to say my goodbyes."

Katara felt her throat well up and her eyes sting as tears threatened; she wanted to stop him, to tell him he didn't owe any of his story to her, but at the last moment thought better of it.

"I traveled east after I left the Siege of Ba Sing Se in search of this Guru. It took me nearly a month to find him, and when I did, he was _very_ reluctant to help me. And he had reason to be," he allowed, his eyes cast downwards onto the table between them. When he spoke again, his voice was chilling. "Chasing the dead is a dangerous quest."

"The rumors about you are true, aren't they?" she asked quietly. "He _did_ help you. You went to the spirit world."

"Yes. It took over two weeks of rigorous work. Under his direction, I fasted, I stayed awake for days at a time. I subsisted on nothing but tea sometimes. I went through firebending exercises until I felt I had nothing left in me. It brought me lower than low; once I was completely empty, I was ready to accept fate. And it was at this peak moment of complete and utter openness that my energy transcended into the spirit world."

"That's... a lot more than Aang had to do," she mused. "Sometimes it took us a while to get to the right place, and one time we had to fight people off to get him to the meditation space safely, but I think once he got there he just sort of... _went_."

"The Avatar is a special case here, as with many other things. I would thank you kindly not to judge my struggles against his natural ability," he told her, though there was a twinkle in his eye that told Katara he was joking. "But it is true that most of us cannot slip in and out of this world so easily. While the dream and the sensation you described to me sounds as though it could very well have been in the spirit world, I cannot know for sure any more than you can."

"Could you show me how to go there?"

Iroh nearly choked at that, his eyes bugging as he stared at her. "You want to go to the spirit world? Perhaps I understate the struggle of getting there, Master Katara - it took me to the point that I could have lost my grasp on life and been lost forever. It is very dangerous, and not to be done on a whim." He gritted his teeth before continuing, pulling a lock of hair from behind his head and holding it up for her to see. "I was in the spirit world for about one week. On earth, the Guru did his best to help nourish my body while it was vacant, but the trip took a heavy toll on me. Despite my appearances, I am only a few years older than my brother - my time in the spirit world aged my body nearly ten years."

This time, it was Katara's turn to stare in shock. "Ten _years_?"

"Yes. Unless you truly believe you cannot seek out answers any other way, I would strongly urge you to avoid this path. You are young and still have much life to live. Besides, if the spirits are calling to you, they will continue to call until they get what they want from you."

* * *

As Katara parted ways from Iroh and began wandering away from the war room, her head spun with more questions than she'd had when they walked in. Would she keep having dreams where she was sucked away from the physical world? If she did, would those dreams age her? If not, was she just supposed to figure all this out on her own? If Iroh couldn't tell her what it meant, then who the hell _could_?

She was so absorbed in her thoughts that she didn't hear the footsteps coming from around the corner she was approaching. Without warning, she felt her face slam smack into something hard - or some _one._

"Ah - hey, watch where you're - Katara!"

She blinked and looked up, shaking her head. "I'm so sorr- _Zuko_!" Her blue eyes went wide as they drifted from him to the small team of guards that flanked him, all staring down at her very intently as they shifted into aggressive stances, not knowing whether or not she posed a threat. She took a quick step back, hands flying up in defense. "Sorry!" she blurted in a panic.

Zuko raised a hand to them, signaling them to back down. "I'm sorry, I didn't see you coming," he said evenly. "What are you doing?"

Raising her chin just a bit, she told him, "I actually wanted to talk to you - I have something I wanted to ask. Are you free?"

One of the shorter men behind him quickly stepped forward and declared sternly, "Fire Lord Zuko is due immediately to a meeting with Provincial Councilor Yutaka."

Looking deeply annoyed, Zuko brushed past him and waved them back, throwing a glare over his shoulder. "Takeo - reschedule my next two appointments for the day. I'm overdue for a training session, and Master Katara is going to assist me in getting back on track." He raised his good eyebrow at their concerned expressions.

"But sir-"

" _Dismissed_."

As they shuffled off looking glum and disgruntled, Zuko shook his head and closed his eyes for a moment. Katara was loath to interrupt his trance, but eventually time demanded it.

"Zuko?"

He blinked, dazed, and gave her a small smile. "Sorry. I haven't had a quiet minute in a while. I kinda forgot what it was like."

Her shoulders tensed up with worry, but she forced herself to shake it off. "Thanks for squeezing me in to your busy day," she quipped. "Does Mai have to schedule dates with you in advance?"

Groaning, he slapped his forehead. "I knew there was something I was forgetting. Yeah... kind of," he said. "Crap. She's already mad at me."

She ducked her head, feeling guilty. _Whoops. Shouldn't have brought that up._ "Sorry. My question's not that important, really."

Zuko gave a deep sigh. "What's done is done." He paused, lips quirking up in thought. "Since you're here, you wanna take a walk with me?"

She nodded and fell into step beside him as they continued in the direction he had been heading when they'd crashed. "So, do you actually want to train with me for a bit, or was that just a lie to get the guards off your back?"

"Oh no, you're not getting out of a sparring session today. It's been too long, and I'm still waiting for my rematch from last time."

She grinned. "Trust me, Zuko, it won't be much of a match."

* * *

It had been a terribly long time since she'd felt the exhilarating thrum of a fight pulsing through her. Her heart beat in excited anticipation as she stood firm on the edge of a small courtyard at the northern end of the palace, opposite Zuko, her back to a small, lively fountain. The afternoon was starting to die, the sky beginning to show faint streaks of purples and oranges against the backdrop of tempered blue, and the sun was at its hottest of the day. Katara already felt sweat forming at the creases of her elbows and knees, and they'd barely been outside two minutes. She quickly removed her outer robe, folding it neatly and placing it on the edge of the fountain from which she'd be drawing her water.

As she walked back to her starting position, she looked up and saw Zuko doing the same. Her heart skipped a beat as he removed his red tunic and her eyes fell onto the angry pink scar set squarely in the center of his abdomen.

Katara hadn't seen it since the initial healing session with him after their fight with Azula. She was needed elsewhere in the aftermath of the comet, and although Azula had made a snide remark about the royal physicians attending to him instead of her, that's exactly what ended up happening. Katara felt terrible about it, though she'd never expressed it to him; he took a lighting shot dangerously close to his heart in order to protect her, and she hadn't even had the decency to stick around to fully heal him.

 _That's_ _not what happened_ , said the small voice in her head - Sokka and Aang had both told her this on more than one occasion, but that didn't stop her from marinating in guilt every time she thought about it. And she hadn't thought about it in quite a while.

She was standing rather far away from him, but from what she could tell it didn't look much better than the day it happened. _What I wouldn't give for more spirit water_. He was self-conscious enough about the scar on his face; he didn't deserve another.

"You ready for the heat?" Zuko taunted her from across the courtyard, making a jokingly threatening pose at her. She forced herself to snap out of it and looked up to meet his eyes; they seemed to glow in the warm light of the fading sun. He had a smug smirk on his face that told her he was fully ready to whoop her ass.

Katara rolled her eyes at him. "If I win, you're never allowed to make puns again."

He chuckled. "Guess I've been spending too much time with Uncle."

At that, they both sank into their stances, hands coming up to the ready. Katara cracked her neck, squaring her shoulders and feeling herself grounded down through her feet. She took a long, deep breath to steady herself before her fingers curled in to bring the stream of water before her.

Zuko took the first strike. He aimed for her core, a move she easily blocked. She shifted gracefully from the defensive pose into an offense, twirling the water back around her and over her shoulder, sending it hurtling towards him in icy spikes. Instead of dissolving the ice with a blast of flame, as she'd expected, he dodged it, tumbling into a somersault and just barely escaping. As his inertia pulled him up onto his knees, he shot several small, quick bursts of flames at her feet. Her heart hammered as she jumped up in a panic to avoid it.

Their energies danced back and forth, both struggling desperately for dominance and ultimately failing to gain the upper hand. Each time Katara thought she had him pinned or frozen, he managed to wiggle out of her grip at the last moment. She finally admitted to herself that she wasn't going to win this fight while the sun was up; it had been much too long for her, and he had gotten better since their last fight. They were only minutes away from sunset, she realized, meaning she just had to stall a little longer before she'd be able to nail him down.

He must have noticed her small smirk, because she felt the heat emanating from his blasts intensify as he redoubled his efforts.

She lost her edge and found herself dodging more than she was attacking, staying close to the fountain as a physical buffer she could use to hide behind when her hair came too close to being singed.

Zuko seized the opportunity to tease her. "Lost your edge, have we, Master Katara?"

She gritted her teeth. "Just getting warmed up, Your Divine Royalness." The quip was lost on shortness of breath. She shot a quick water whip up to smack him behind the head to drive home the retort.

He was still smugly grinning as he sent a long tendril of fire, almost resembling a snake, towards her core.

She somehow managed to escape each shot until finally, finally, the last ray of sunshine was gone from behind the horizon. A sharp smile spread across her face as she used up the last of her energy for the day to pull up a wide wall of water. She forced him backwards until his back was up against a pillar, and using a flick of her thumb, she sent a small splash down towards his knees as a distraction to get his hands down away from his face. It worked - as soon as his face was unguarded, she flash froze the water to cement him in place, in a position he couldn't easily bend.

A small part of the back of her brain told her he still could have probably heated the water enough to escape, but for whatever reason, he let her call it.

"Took you long enough."

Katara cocked her chin up. "Just wanted to keep you on your toes."

His golden eyes flashed. "No no, you were stalling."

She felt a small blush on her cheeks. "Best offense is a good defense. Besides, you can tell yourself whatever you want, but I still won." She almost, _almost_ restrained the impulse to stick her tongue out at him.

"Sure. So, you gonna let me go now or am I gonna be frozen out here all night?"

"Fiiiiiiiine." She crossed the space between them to release the water, eyes lingering again just a moment too long on the discolored mark on his chest. He must not have noticed, though, as he immediately patted her head patronizingly and walked back to where he had left his tunic, humming quietly to himself as he did so.

She echoed his movements, dressing herself fully again and walking in stride with him back towards the entrance to the palace.

"Oh - I almost forgot. You had something you wanted to talk to me about?" he said, his voice raspier than usual from the exertion of their sparring session.

Katara ducked her head, slightly embarrassed now. Yeah, let me just ask you for a job that I'm not remotely qualified for. Nepotism at its finest if he says yes, humiliation and defeat if he says no. "Yeah, about that…" she paused, unsure of how to proceed. They were both still dripping and slightly bruised from the fight, neither had put their shoes back on, and it was nearly time for dinner. It didn't seem the appropriate time to ask about it. Then again, she had no idea when he'd be free to talk to her again. His council apparently had him booked back to back as a matter of course.

She sighed. "You seem so sure of your place. So does Aang, and Toph and Suki, and even Sokka seems to know what he wants more than I do."

When she took another pause, he prompted, "Where are you going with this?"

Steeling her gut, she continued, "I know this is a big request, but, I want to try my hand at being an Ambassador to the Fire Nation on behalf of my tribe." She let the silence fall back into place between them as she let her question hang in the air.

"You… really?"

Nervousness welled up inside her again. "I know I'm not qualified for it - hell, I can't even vouch for myself, I don't know if I'd be good at it, but-"

He held up a hand and waved her off, cutting off her nervous word vomit. "No - I know you'd be great at it. Nobody cares more about your people, or about people in general, than you do. That's the thing; you have a big heart. I think… I worry that it would be a frustrating job for you, not being able to give your people everything they deserve. It's so much negotiation, and you'll get a lot of answers you don't want to hear. I don't want that to weigh on you or make you feel guilty."

Katara blinked. That wasn't what she had expected to hear. "But-"

"Besides, you'd probably spend more time in meetings than I do. I'm not sure if it's all it's cracked up to be," he admitted.

She opened her mouth to retort - _I'll be the judge of that_ \- but they were approaching the entrance to his chambers, flanked on either side by sets of guards.

"Speaking of which, I have to prep for my next meeting," he said flatly, annoyance written all over his face. "Sorry. But just think about what I said. I'm not saying no," he said quickly, hands coming up defensively. "If it's really what you want, I'll give you whatever you need. You probably know your destiny better than I do. But I just need you to think it over. I'll find you tomorrow, and you can let me know what you decide."

Her eyes cast downwards, disappointed. It had taken enough nerve to ask the first time; she wasn't looking to be talked out of anything.

As he walked away, she shrugged to herself. At _least he's not saying no._

Now all she had to do was keep her resolve overnight, which probably meant a whole lot of willing herself not to think about it.

* * *

 **author's note:** Yes, I know I'm canonbending here with the thing about Iroh's age. Feel free to disagree, but personally it doesn't make a lot of sense to me that Azulon and Ilah had two kids 15 years apart, with nothing in between. Also, spirit world mythos is cool.

~Also, I meant to address this in the notes earlier on, but re: Iroh's job: I have a really hard time believing that Iroh would just kick his feet up in his tea shop and retire permanently the minute Zuko took office. He would be there helping his nephew figure out how to be a good leader until he could manage on his own. The boy didn't have any good role models for leadership growing up and his reign would be a hot mess without Iroh's guidance, let's be real.

Leave me all of your thoughts in the review box below, and Happy New Year!


	6. Crimes Against the Crown

**author's note:** long(er) chapter ahead!

just a forewarning, updates may be less frequent going forward as I'm working almost full time and started a new semester last week, but I'm not totally sure how it's going to shake out just yet. my heart burns for this story, so I might just pull some all-nighters cranking them out for y'all anyway.

* * *

 **six: crimes against the crown**

Despite her deep-seated fear of what she was now referring to as the Spirit Dream, Katara felt some rebellious side of her hoping and pining for more that night. The feeling was a dark energy that she couldn't help but chase; it was calling her, leading her somewhere, and she had to know where the path ended.

But, to her disappointment, that night she dreamt of Aang.

The dream wasn't an exact memory, but it may as well have been for all the rage and resentment it caused to well up inside her. She stood outside as a storm was beginning to pick up speed, and had climbed up on top of the house, watching Aang on the ground quietly asking her to come down. He wore no furs, no mittens, only his thin yellow and pale orange Air Temple garb, despite the rapidly dropping temperatures and intensifying snowfall. She was vaguely aware that she was crying, but the tears were of anger, not sadness. He could have met her up there - it would have been _so easy_ to just grab his glider, fly up and look her in the eye as he continued to deny her what she'd been asking for for months. But he couldn't do it. He _wouldn't_ do it.

 _Am I not good enough for you?_

She didn't exactly say the words aloud; her heart yelled them loud enough that she knew he could feel them.

Like always, he didn't have an answer.

Spirits knew she was never trying to pressure him into sex. But it wasn't as though he didn't want it - he just didn't seem to want it _with her_. Aang had never given her a reason, and so she felt it must have had something to do with her.

Katara was pelting him with snowballs now, just for the hell of it. His slightly stubbled face was stone, unmoving, unfeeling. The frozen water started to turn his skin red, but his gray eyes remained locked with hers, never pausing even to blink. She eventually gave up, her shoulders shaking as she lowered her head and came down to meet him on the ground.

She'd lost.

Again.

She almost expected him to reach out to her, but he remained still, watching the waterbender with an unreadable expression. Her blue eyes met his, but instead of feeling any spark of connection, all she felt was dread. "Is there any hope for us?" she asked him, voice coarse and dull.

Aang closed his eyes; his arrows, she could just barely see through the uptick in snow that flurried down around them, started to glow. "Hope is just a distraction, Katara."

* * *

Her first letter from Sokka arrived the next morning. It looked like it had been written the day she left, or just slightly after. Katara knew it was his from the chunky, messy blue seal on the parchment and the crumpled edges from him trying relentlessly to fit it into the too-small container attached to the messenger pigeonhawk. Her lips quirked up in amusement as the courier handed it to her on the front steps of the palace, giving her a deep bow as he heel-turned onwards toward his next stop. Turning around, she read it as she tread slowly back into the palace, heading for her room to tuck it safely away.

 _Katara:_

 _So... I sort of proposed to Suki._

 _I haven't convinced her to say yes yet, but I think she knows I'm serious. She's coming down here soon, will probably arrive by the time you get this letter. I even made her a necklace, if you can believe it. It's a Water Tribe style necklace, but I carved her fan into a gemstone imported from the Earth Kingdom. And before you say anything, YES, I practiced a few times before I made the final version. Dad says it looks great, thanks very much._

 _Oh yeah, I told Dad. Gotta admit, I think you were right. I brought up the ceremony next month, about me not wanting to go through with it. I think he actually heard some of what I said for once. I don't know where that leaves us, though. People are starting to ask questions, and there's been some talk about the Northern Tribe getting snoopy, but no decisions have been made yet. I'll keep you posted._

 _Anyways. How's the palace? What did General Iroh say when you talked to him? I know you probably haven't figured everything out yet, but I'm proud of you and I know you got this. Keep me posted on whatever you decide to do._

 _Oh - and give the Frowny Lord an arm punch for me._

 _-Sokka_

Katara rolled her eyes. Not one of the best nicknames he'd come up with.

She folded the letter a few times over before setting it on the nightstand by her bed. She'd wait to write back until after she gave Zuko her answer, she decided. No point reporting on news that hadn't happened yet.

#

She found him much the same way she'd found him the day before. He'd told her he'd come looking for her, and it wasn't as though she didn't _believe_ him, necessarily, but... she didn't really believe him. When she finally tracked him down - still stuck in a Council session for another fifteen or so minutes - the guards outside the door gave her harsh glares upon her refusal to leave and return when the meeting had adjourned. She'd probably miss him, she reasoned, and would have to start her search all over again. And with everything that was going on, it's not like they were handing out tour maps with dates and times of when to spot the Fire Lord throughout the day.

When the doors opened, the Council members exited first, all mumbling amongst themselves with the afterthoughts of the meeting. A small sea of red, black and gold moved around her, and she couldn't help but wonder why Zuko needed such a large court. She'd imagined a group of five at most.

 _No wonder his hours always run so long._

She'd hoped to slip in quietly, but she should have known better at this point. Katara had to wait until one of the guards was ready to allow her in, preceded by a hollow announcement of her arrival.

Zuko was hunched over a rolling desk that had been placed in front of his seat at the head of the table. A long, thin, yellowed piece of parchment lay draped across the desk, what Katara assumed must be a map of some sort. A short, stocky man stood beside him, murmuring quietly as they looked over it together, poring over some detail she couldn't see from where she stood. She gave a muted, yet pointed, cough to announce her presence.

The pair blinked in unison and looked up, confused as to their disturbance. Zuko's expression gave way to mild approval, while the councilman at his side fell into a small frown. The Fire Lord waved her in, signaling he'd soon be done with their conversation.

As she made her way across the room, she took her first real look around. The walls in here were patterned, shades of emerald green and pale gold with white trim. The Fire Nation insignia could still be spotted in strategic placement around the chamber, but it seemed that the overall scheme had been redecorated to emulate the interior design choices of many Earth Kingdom offices. The lamps along the high ceilings were embossed with the circular symbol with a square in the center, and the central rug displayed some long tapestry she couldn't quite make out standing so close to it. Where most of the rooms she had seen in the palace so far had had a warm red glow, this room felt like springtime, like grass.

She was right about the parchment - it was a map, only she couldn't tell where of. It was an island she hadn't been to before; the label on the bottom read _Saolin_. The map showed the island only, no other geographical identifiers she could use to orient what they were looking at, or why.

The man on Zuko's left coughed, shooting her a glance over his shoulder. Zuko stood up straight, arching his back slightly outward to correct the pain of standing hunched over. His long hair seemed to blend in with the dark silk of his robes as he stretched, both catching the light and shimmering mutely. "Thank you, Mayor, for your time," he announced, raspy voice kind but firm. "We will continue this conversation tomorrow afternoon. I trust you know the way out."

The man looked beyond irritated at this point, huffing childishly and throwing a glare like daggers at Katara as he leaned forward to roll up the map and wind the string tightly back around it. He shuffled out of the room quickly, feet stomping a bit louder than truly necessary as he made his way out the door.

Alone, Katara smiled up at her friend, though he was slow to return it. She tried not to notice; they had matters to attend to, and he had somewhere else to be very soon. "So, I was thinking -"

"When do you want to start?"

Katara blinked in surprise, losing her train of thought. "I - what?"

"I said, when do you want to start?" he repeated slowly. He cocked an eyebrow at her and crossed his arms over his chest - it was a default resting position for him after so many years of teen angst, and she knew that, but damn if he didn't look rather upset with her.

"How can you be so sure of what I decided?" she quipped, her hands automatically coming up to her hips. It was an attempt at lightening his mood, though he a wealth of experience in completely ignoring such things.

"Because I know you," he said simply, giving her a small shrug. "And I told you - I'll give you whatever you need in order to make it happen."

"Well, yeah... but I thought you wanted me to think it over?" She hadn't had second thoughts - quite the opposite, really - but she was thrown by his sudden gear switch. "What was the point of asking if you were so sure I'd do it anyways?"

"You weren't sure about it until I questioned you, were you?" His amber eyes flashed, his expression one she couldn't quite read. When had he gotten so clever? "You're just like me in some ways, you know."

She sighed; he wasn't wrong. She hadn't realized it was a game until now, but... he'd won this one. Maybe she should thank him for strengthening her resolve, because in truth that really was what he'd done, but that would probably just swell his head up too big for his crown. He did this for a living, after all. He'd have plenty of other moments of victory to bask in. "In that case... how soon _can_ I start? Is there, I don't know, new hire paperwork for me to sign?"

Zuko chuckled at that, turning away from her to take hold of the rolling desk that the other man had left behind. He grabbed the ends and began wheeling it away, near a similar desk and a chair that were sitting in a catty-corner towards the back of the room. Katara followed, instinctually wanting to help but not sure she was needed.

"Yeah, there probably is," he called to her over his shoulder. "But you can start as soon as you want. Tomorrow, even. I'll have Uncle send someone to your room tonight to deliver instructions."

There seemed to be a silence that opened up between them after that, as his tone felt very matter-of-fact; not quite like he was speaking to a servant, but not quite like to a friend, either. She realized that was probably her cue for dismissal, but an odd sensation of disappointment welled up inside her and she felt her feet stuck to the ground where she stood. Biting her lip, she debated for a minute whether to let herself out or if she wanted to try to stick around - though she had no real reason to, she didn't want to go quite just yet.

He seemed to notice her hesitance; when he finished sliding the desk back into place, he gave a slight tilt of the head as he looked up at her. "Did you need something else?"

She was quiet for a moment. Did she need something? She wasn't really sure. "Well - no, not really." So why weren't her feet moving? "I... guess I just thought I'd get to see you for more than four seconds," she said, laughing halfheartedly.

"Oh," he murmured. "Yeah - I haven't really been a great host, I guess. Sorry." Zuko thought for a long minute before perking up, his topknot bobbing a bit with the movement. "Hey - Ty Lee is coming to visit, she'll be here this afternoon. You should come with us to a show; they're doing a rendition of Love Amongst the Dragons for the festival tonight."

Katara smiled, for real this time. "That sounds great! That's your favorite play, isn't it?"

His lip twitched almost imperceptibly. "Well... it _was_ my favorite, when I was a kid. I haven't seen it well executed since I was about seven or eight. I'm starting to think that maybe it's just a bad play," he admitted.

She stuck her chin out at him derisively. "Even better."

* * *

So it was that Katara had an afternoon to kill.

It was ultimately her feelings of listlessness and loneliness that drove her to leave the palace, slipping on a thin hood to obscure her face more out of habit than any real worry. Spending time in the Fire Nation figuratively naked was never quite going to feel right, no matter how long it had been since the end of the War. Besides, who knew where this new role would take her, how she would be received? Better to stay anonymous than not.

Iroh had given her a small loan of gold coin to use until she was able to make a currency exchange; she used it to pay the carriage fare to the center of the plaza. She wanted to walk, but given the climate and the long hours ahead of her, there was a small, though real, fear of fainting of heatstroke before nightfall. Fire Nation summers meant business.

The carriage ride was not long, but she made sure to leave the driver a tip before following the path down to the pedestrian plaza, the same one they'd passed by on her arrival to the capital. It was a workday, not a weekend like it had been on that first visit, and so the streets were a bit quieter than before. Still, many of the shops displayed large stuffed dragons, panda-foxes, and other native Fire Nation animals that the children were drawn to - all presumably for sale. She stopped in front of one to admire the handiwork, as it was better than anything she'd been able to sew before. A lifetime of mending Sokka's pants and her dad's socks just wasn't the same.

The vendor, a tall, wiry woman with a high bun and more than a few gray flyaways, peered down at her quizzically. "You got kids, lady?" she asked. Not unfriendly, but confused.

Katara blushed; it probably wasn't often that a grown woman wandered over to look at stuffed toys by herself. "No, I don't," she said quickly. She hadn't even _started_ to think about kids. In five, seven, ten years, maybe. That was the sort of thing one needed a reliable partner for, though. She wasn't anywhere near finding one at the moment. "I'm just looking around, sorry."

The older woman's face turned sour now. " _Just looking_ doesn't do me any good. Buy one or get out of here," she spat, crossing her tanned arms over her lean frame.

Ducking her head in embarassment, she turned on her heel and continued on her way towards the center of the square, looking up at the large fire-breathing statue at the center. It was a tall man, wrought of gold, shirtless, hair slicked back perfectly into the Fire Nation Royal Crown and spilling down across broad shoulders. His mouth was open into a fierce howl, waves of bright red fire emitting from his lips and beating down a heavy heat to rival the summer air. It suddenly dawned on her what - or who - this was, and she felt momentarily sick to her stomach. She'd seen one of these before; she should have known.

Suppressing her gut instinct to vomit, she slowly came to the realization that it was just plain _odd_ that a statue of Ozai was still erect in the middle of the Fire Nation Capital. She wondered, not for the first time, how Zuko's people - Ozai's people, not so long ago - really felt about this new world order. It had to be a rough shift from a state of world domination into a docile, compliant nation, constantly on the brink of unrest. Shaking her head uneasily, she decided to file it away to ask Zuko about it later - surely, it had to have been a conscious decision to leave it standing, but for the life of her she could not imagine why.

As she made to move on to the northern row of shops - she'd spotted a sign for a bookstore, which was where she was headed next - she felt the smallest of tugs at her right hip, where she realized a moment too late was where she was openly brandishing her coinpurse. It was Water Tribe money, not Fire Nation gold coin, but it was still valuable, and it was still hers.

The waterbender spun around to face her thief; a scrawny man, late forties or early fifties, with shaggy hair and an equally shaggy beard. Her bending water, kept in a more secure place in a pouch behind her back and sitting hidden underneath her thick hair, was out and in her hands like a weapon in a matter of seconds. She flash froze his hands where they were - a trick she was getting better and better at, she noted smugly - and brought her hand up in a flat fist, connecting the butt of her palm hard against his nose, knocking him backwards enough that she could recoup her loss and back away out of his reach. The ice wouldn't last long in this heat, but it bought her a small bit of time.

Time she didn't need, apparently. Two Capital officers dressed in light armor were upon them faster than she could put her hands up in surrender. "I'm sorry, officers!" she blurted. "It was self-defense." In one of her raised hands was the coinpurse, the cord tugged loose and about to spill open its contents, evidence to her claim.

One of the officers waved her off as he cuffed the assailant, his gray eyes bugging out from his head displaying no small amount of terror. "Waterbender," he said sternly; no trace of malice could be found in his tone, yet there was some element of surprise there. "Who are you?" His partner came up behind Katara and lowered her arms, holding firmly onto her wrists, yet waiting to cuff her.

The young woman stuck out her chin just a bit. "I am Master Katara, of the Southern Water Tribe. I am here as a personal friend to Fire Lord Zuko," she declared, feeling a strange surge of pride as the words left her lips. She'd momentarily forgotten her clout when the officers had appeared and felt only her base fear instinct; _old habits die hard_ , she thought bitterly.

The men didn't react to her grandiose statement, but rather sighed. "I thought as much," said the one who had questioned her. She blinked at that; how did they know she was even here? Looking down at the man who'd attempted to pickpocket her, he barked, "You? Your name?"

"Gatson," the man wheezed. As soon as Katara had revealed her title, he had begun to visibly shake. She studied him for a long moment; his clothes, while not completely torn, were threadbare and dirty. He looked like he hadn't showered in days; she wondered suddenly if that was also about how long it had been since he had last eaten anything. She felt a sharp pang of guilt and pity, and felt her shoulders tense up more than they were already.

"Gatson," the officer repeated, his voice now more harsh, "you have attempted to assault a member of Fire Lord Zuko's protected circle. For your act of treason, punishment is death. You have the right to a trial by jury of your peers. You-"

"Wait," Katara breathed, wriggling free of the second officer's grip. "Wait! Stop. I don't want to press charges," she demanded.

"That's..." he paused, looking puzzled. "That's not how it works," he told her, though it sounded more like a question than a statement.

Her hands were on her hips, staring him down intently. "Isn't it? I'm sure the Fire Lord will love to hear about this. What were your names, again?"

The taunt didn't work. The officers, while somewhat shaken, kept their resolve and met her glare. "This man is dangerous, Lady Katara. We have no choice but to imprison him unless officially pardoned by the Fire Lord himself. Good day," he said brusquely, motioning to his partner to follow him as they left her in the middle of the square, alone.

* * *

She spent the evening itching for the play to begin, but not out of any real desire to watch a melodrama unfold across a poorly-lit stage. She needed to talk to Zuko and convince him to release the man, Gatson, before it was too late.

Ticket in hand, she waited impatiently to get through the long line at the door and start to make her way up to her seat - a box seat near stage right, a great view according to Saori, her assigned servant for another night in a row. The Royal Box - obviously there would be a great view.

When she finally made it to her seat, Ty Lee, Mai and Zuko were already there, along with Iroh and a few of Mai's friends from the steam room. It was not a large group, but the proportion of friendly faces to unfriendly ones was enough to make her tense up, if only just a little. To her surprise, a seat had been saved - right next to Ty Lee, who sat on Zuko's left. Mai was on his right, though she was half-turned in her seat, arm resting lazily across the back of the bench, in idle conversation with Ruriko, the woman with the scar on her lower lip. She was twirling some small, unidentified object in her free hand - a pair of scissors, maybe? Katara wasn't sure.

With Mai occupied, Zuko had turned his attention to Ty Lee, who was even brighter and bubblier than Katara remembered. The woman in pink turned and flashed a wide smile at her when she came forward and took her seat, and surprised her by throwing her arms around her shoulders in an ecstatic hug.

"Katara!" she exclaimed in her ear. "I haven't seen you in forever!"

Still taken aback, her reaction was slow and ill-timed, reaching up to return the hug as the other woman was pulling away, making it momentarily awkward. She recovered, though, smiling back up at her. _She's taller than me too,_ she noticed suddenly, feeling a bit sour. _Am I the only one who hasn't grown since the war ended?_ "It's been too long," she agreed. She had been so focused on the animosity between her and Mai that she'd forgotten she didn't feel the same resentment emanating from Ty Lee. The girl didn't have a mean bone in her body.

 _Not entirely_ _true,_ she reminded herself warily. They'd been enemies before, and though the same could be said of people like Zuko, she didn't know where she stood with the acrobat now.

"Have you seen _Love Amongst the Dragons_ before?" Ty Lee asked, snapping her out of it. "Please say you have. I'm terrible about spoilers," she admitted.

Katara shook her head. "Unfortunately no. But honestly, it's fine if you spoil stuff. Aang did... he does it to me whenever I read anything he's read before. I'm used to it," she told her, hoping the crack in her voice at the mention of Aang was unnoticeable over the commotion of the excited crowd.

"Where _is_ Aang?"

The voice wasn't Ty Lee's - it was Mai's, from over Zuko's shoulder. Katara didn't know when their conversation had gained an eavesdropper, and had to resist the urge to glare over at her. She felt some small whisper of surprise that Zuko hadn't told her yet, followed almost immediately with gratitude that he had kept the details of her personal life to himself.

"Not here," she said simply, not wanting to discuss it.

Sensing her tone of finality, Mai dropped it, and, apparently bored again, turned back to Ruriko in the second row.

She was going to have to wait to talk to Zuko about the issue of the pickpocket, probably at least until intermission if not after the play. Resigning herself to another hour of wait time, she sighed and sank into her cushioned black seat a little more, grateful that at least Ty Lee seemed willing to continue on whatever distraction of a conversation Katara could muster. It seemed that Ty Lee was still happily living on Kyoshi and training under Suki, learning to adapt her combat skills into the Kyoshi style. Katara wondered with a grimace how much more her chi-blocking jabs must hurt with the business end of a fan, as opposed to just her fourteen-year-old fingertips. She did wonder about Suki and Sokka, and wanted to know what Ty Lee knew about Suki's side of things, but it felt wrong to ask - like gossipping about her brother's life was inviting speculation about her own, which she so desperately wanted to keep quiet.

Finally, a hush spread across the theater like waves, and the lights shifted to focus on the stage. Katara and Ty Lee quickly cut off their exchange, and Ty Lee gripped Katara's arm in excitement.

The curtain drew, and with the echoing ring of a golden gong, _Love Amongst the Dragons_ had begun.

* * *

 **author's** **note** : in regards to the dream, i do want to say - Katara is NOT planning to get back with Aang, or to try to work it out. But i did want to show that breakups, no matter how justified, are never a clean break, at least not emotionally - she needs time to process the loss of a serious relationship, even if it had already felt like it was over for a while. she won't be ready for her next relationship ( _coughcough_ ) if she doesn't take time to heal from her last one.

if anyone is curious, i don't honestly know how long this fic will be. i've given estimates on other fics before, only to get 15 chapters in and suddenly realize that the narrative doesn't care what i think. this is no Stormbenders, but it may be fairly long, so, just hang out with me on the ride down.

reviews are my literal lifeblood. please leave thoughts, comments, and critiques!

* * *

 **Review Responses:**

 **Charlie'Rocker: I think this is the first time I've read about aang being distant instead of a love-sick puppy trailing after Katara and let me tell you, I find it oh so refreshing.** At face value, I do think I would have written him in the vein of the love-sick puppy; after all, that's what they give us in the show to work with. He put her on a pedestal, but as he was just a child, he could eventually grow out of that, and I can even see him going so far in the other direction that it turns to disappointment and resentment. Deflated fantasies, you know. There's more to it, his behavior in and around their breakup, things about the secret that Katara alluded to a couple chapters ago, but we shall have to wait and see what that was about, won't we?

 **lucel18: i wish Toph is there as Katara's companion at least. She seemed really alone there even though Iroh and Zuko are her friends.** I hear you, booboo. I was coming to that conclusion myself, so I've started turning that around here by introducing Ty Lee into the mix. I want to bring Toph in, but the sad truth is that she just doesn't have much of a place in this story, at least not for now. i know it sucks, i love her, Katara loves her, but she's not available as she is currently perfecting the art of kicking ass with metalbending and trying to make peace with her parents back in the Earth Kingdom. Everyone has their place - that's (a) moral of the whole story here.


	7. Love Amongst the Dragons

**author's note:** So sorry about the delay! I've been sick to the point of coughing up blood just from my body not handling these weather extremes (if any of my readers are in Texas rn, holla). If it makes y'all feel any better, I literally sat down to finish this chapter the minute I got home from exams today. J'espère que tu apprécies~

* * *

 **seven: love amongst the dragons**

The longer the first act dragged on, the more Katara was beginning to feel like Zuko was probably right. Maybe it _was_ just a bad play. He had said at one point that it was his mother's favorite, so there was either a good reason for it that hadn't been revealed yet, or she'd just had bad taste.

The premise was fairly romantic - the Dragon Emperor, implied heavily to be a parallel to the Fire Lord, had been rendered mortal and bound to a dark water spirit (an unlikely premise, Katara noted, as Tui had been rather occupied swimming in circles at the North Pole for some millenia). A woman had been introduced, who she assumed to be his love interest, and so far she was the most interesting character of the play. The woman seemed shifty, never fully revealing any whole truths about herself or where she had come from, but was also kind and sweet. The Dragon Emperor, on the other hand, was angry and bitter, borderline pouty, at all times ready to burst with resentment about having his immortality stripped of him by the spirits. He probably deserved it, she thought, mildly irritated.

Currently, the love interest was making some impassioned speech about pride before a fall, and Katara leaned forward in her seat just enough to peer around Ty Lee and over to Zuko. In the dark, she couldn't exactly tell what he was thinking, but he looked more or less nonplussed. The Dragon Emperor reminded Katara somewhat of Zuko in his ponytail days, and she wondered whether his scowl was due to the echo of his former life, or if he was just as disappointed in this performance as with the ones from his childhood. It was hard to imagine anything as terrible as the Ember Island Players, but the acting in front of her was almost just as cringe-worthy. And seeing as the main character here was essentially a stand-in for Zuko in the abstract sense of his title, she wondered if this felt as personal for him as The Boy in the Iceberg had felt for the gang.

By the time the first act was coming to a draw, they had yet to introduce any other significant characters, and she wondered idly if the entire production was just exposition ad nauseum. True to what she'd told Ty Lee, she didn't really care about spoilers - she'd ask Zuko at intermission if things were going to eventually pick up the pace. If she was going to be asleep for most of the show, it would be better to at least know ahead of time.

Finally, the curtain fell and the lights came back up as the staff shot small bursts of flame into the candelabras hung along the perimeter. She fought not to immediately jump from her seat to stretch and walk around, but rather waited for the rest of the group to start getting up.

Ty Lee turned to her with wide brown eyes, her trademark grin still beaming. "What do you think so far?" she asked excitedly.

Not wanting to let her down, Katara tried her best to return the smile. "It's great," she said simply, hoping that would satisfy her.

It didn't. "What's your favorite part? I always the love the part whe-"

Katara cut her off, raising her hand. "Why don't we talk about it when I get back?" she offered, hoping she didn't sound rude. "I really have to use the restroom, and I'm gonna get some snacks."

The woman in pink perked up, somehow even more than she'd already been perked. "I'll come with you!"

Great, Katara thought with irritation, though she made herself take a breath. It was nice to not be by herself, she had to admit. They tried their best to squish through the main exit into the lobby, though Ty Lee was much more adept at filtering through than Katara could probably ever be. Once through, she waited for her with a small, self-satisfied smile on her lips.

"You should take some classes with us in Kyoshi," Ty Lee told her, arms crossed proudly across her chest. "You look out of practice."

Her tone wasn't unkind, but Katara couldn't help but take some small amount of offense to that. "I"m not out of practice. My skills are just different than yours," she said defensively.

Ty Lee shrugged, oblivious to the edge of her tone. "Well, it never hurts to learn new skills."

She was right, and Katara didn't have anything to say to that.

The pair walked in silence for a moment as they searched for the bathroom, when Katara heard Zuko's voice coming up behind them. She turned to see him and Mai a few paces behind, in some conversation she couldn't hear. She tapped Ty Lee's shoulder and motioned for her to wait with her for them to catch up. Waving at Zuko, she called over, "Are you guys getting food too?"

Mai's expression was unreadable; she turned to Zuko to let him answer.

"Uhhh," he said awkwardly as they approached, a pained look on his face. "N-no. We're just stepping out to get some air. We'll be back."

"Oh," Katara murmured, slightly embarrassed; she wondered if they were having a fight. Trying to lighten the mood - never a good idea, that was Sokka's forte - she told them, "Well, don't take too long. I wanted to talk to you before the next act. I have so many questions!" she teased.

Zuko's lip curled up, almost into a smile, but before he could respond Ty Lee piped up from behind her, "Why didn't you say so before? I've seen Love Amongst the Dragons more times than Zuko has, I can tell you everything!"

She closed her eyes in exasperation. _Could you take a hint, maybe?_ "Okay, we'll catch up with you guys later... I guess," she added weakly.

The couple took their leave, heading out towards one of the exits to the balconies that overlooked the central plaza inside the theater building. Katara let out a deep sigh as she watched them go. She turned to Ty Lee and before she could help herself, she asked, "What's going on with them?"

Shrugging, she crossed her arms. "I haven't talked to Mai much lately," she admitted. "Last time I was here those two were broken up. If I had to guess, they're heading in that direction again, but who knows? They're back and forth so much it's almost pointless trying to figure it out." They both turned to continue on to the concession stand, the crowd thinning a bit as people had finished the mass exit from the theater. Katara wanted to press further, to find out why Mai disliked her so much, but decided it was better to drop it.

True to her word, Ty Lee prattled on about backstory and context and theories about the play, while Katara remained all but deaf to it.

Mai and Zuko somehow beat them back to their box before the next scene started. They weren't talking, to each other or to anyone else, but the air around them was calmer than it had been before, even if only a little. Katara shook her head, trying to force herself to remember that it was none of her business. But by the second intermission, suddenly, it seemed, it was.

"Hey, Zuko - could I talk to you privately for a minute?" she asked after Ty Lee had gotten up and left for a break, leaning over to catch his attention.

Mai stiffened visibly beside him, and shot her a hard look. "Anything you need to say to Zuko, you can say in front of me," she told her, voice like ice. She looked like she'd taken personal offense to the request, which - Katara wanted to snap - had nothing to do with her.

Katara paled."O-okay," she replied, trying to signal her unease and her lack of threatening intention. Why, _why_ did Mai hate her so much? "It's not anything personal," Katara continued, eyes moving back and forth from Mai to Zuko, unsure of whom to focus her attention on. "But could we step out?"

"Sure," Zuko answered, voice a bit forceful as he spoke over whatever his girlfriend had been about to say, much to her dismay. As the trio filed towards the exit, Zuko leaned down to her ear. "Mai is one of my guards," he told her quietly, by way of explanation. "She's the only one on duty for me tonight. I'm sorry if she seems uptight, but she has a reason to be."

It shouldn't have been a huge revelation, but Katara's heart dropped. She suddenly didn't know why she didn't put it together before. She'd made the observation on her very first night here of how capable Mai was to keep him safe, even in the midst of the Earth Kingdom threats. Of course Katara wasn't the only person who saw that. And it especially made sense tonight, considering he wasn't being trailed by a gaggle of soldiers like he was every other night. Even for an evening of fun with friends, he couldn't be so careless as to be left to his own defense. He _had_ a bodyguard, just hidden in plain sight.

They managed to find an unoccupied balcony space; the air was pleasantly mild tonight, a slight breeze rustling through her hair. Katara closed her eyes for a brief moment, savoring the sensation she wasn't likely to come across again any time soon.

Mai hovered around the entrance to the door, a shadow in the dark. She was giving them space, Katara noted, more than she'd actually expected. It was harder to resent her, knowing the responsibility she carried - even if it made her antagonistic towards anyone who wanted to get close to him. She wasn't just any guard, after all; she was personally invested in the Fire Lord's life and safety. Of course she would be more opinionated about his company.

"What did you want to talk to me about?"

Katara blinked, pulling herself out of her musings. "A couple of things," she responded. "Something happened in town yesterday, and I... I'm afraid I got someone in trouble who didn't deserve it." She recounted the story of the pickpocket, how revealing her title inadvertently gave someone a death sentence yet somehow didn't give her the authority to revoke it. A wave of guilt washed over her as she went through the details. "I know it was careless and irresponsible of me," she said quickly, as his expression turned to something echoing aggravation. She didn't need a lecture. "It won't happen again. But I need you to pardon him. Please," she added quickly.

Zuko was quiet, looking away from her and over the stone ledge of the balcony out onto the courtyard below. There was a dull roar of conversation from the other patrons down below, but it was still much quieter here than inside with the commotion of the full theater.

Finally he turned towards her to speak. "You shouldn't be out alone in the middle of the capital. It's not safe for you."

Her eyebrows furrowed at that, confused. "Not safe for me, specifically?"

"For anyone who is very obviously not from here," he admitted, not meeting her eye. She knew what he meant: her appearance, while not _completely_ incongruous with the Fire Nation demographic - take people like Master Piandao, for example - was still foreign enough to the scrutinous eye, and it could draw unwanted attention. "I can't guarantee your safety, from other politicians or from regular Fire Nation citizens, if you're out just wandering around alone."

She huffed a little, crossing her arms sternly. She took some small amount of offense to that. "I can handle myself just fine, Zuko. That's not the point. Will you pardon the man or not?"

"It's not that simple."

"And why not?"

"Because it isn't," he shot back at her, jaw tightening in frustration. "I need you to _promise_ me you won't do this again. I don't want to keep you prisoner in the palace," he said sharply, seeing her about to protest, "but you cannot go out on your own. I can't send a message that it's okay to assault you, or any other foreigner, and that there are no consequences for doing so. That's what it's going to look like if I announce a pardon. It would actively put you in more danger. And it would undo _all_ of the work that I've done to try to teach my people a change of heart."

His words took a long minute to sink in. She hated to admit it, but he wasn't wrong. He'd been growing wiser over the years - his Uncle must finally be getting through to him.

"If I promise you that," she allowed, "that I won't leave without protection, will you let him go?"

He gave a small, impatient sigh. "I have to issue some sort of sentence, Katara."

"He was a hungry man without a home," she retorted, feeling a sudden shot of anger pulse through her. "Maybe instead of reprimanding your people with death sentences every time they look at you the wrong way, you should focus on feeding them." The waterbender moved to push past him forcefully, storming by both him and Mai. She felt the other woman tossing a glare into her back, but she felt too hot and angry to look.

"Katara - wait!"

Her lip curled into a snarl. The desire to shout back at him bubbled up, restrained only by her surprise at the fact that he called after her at all. _I forgot what that felt like_ , she noted in some small corner of her brain.

He had moved towards her, Mai in between them with tense shoulders and sharp eyes. "Don't walk away from me like that," he demanded. "If you expect to get what you want, you will not speak to me that way." His words, while angry and commanding, didn't quite match his eyes - she only saw hurt there, and it made her stop. She would have been perfectly content to rage out of the room and end the conversation there. It didn't sound like Zuko was willing to give her any ground, anyways - why bother sticking around?

But she held her tongue, ducking her head a bit in guilt. Wordlessly, she let him continue.

"He will be banished," he told her, voice quiet but firm. "I will see to it that he is taken care of, for your sake. But it needs to be known that you are under my protection, and that any action taken against you will be met with justice." His jaw set squarely, resolutely.

She could do nothing but nod. "Thank you, Zuko." A missed beat, and then, "I'm sorry. You're right." That last bit was harder to force out than the apology itself; it was everything she could do to force herself to swallow her pride.

The Fire Lord gave her a small nod, but she could tell his feelings were still hurt. He made eye contact with Mai and she gave him a curt nod, shifting her weight forward to follow him out.

#

Katara didn't retain much of the remainder of the show; it seemed to be heading in the direction of a happy ending, but beyond that she didn't have a clue. She could feel Ty Lee looking over at her anxiously throughout the final act, but actively avoided returning her gaze. She didn't feel like talking to anyone, not with the ball of nerves rolling around inside of her. There had to be a way to make it up to Zuko, but she couldn't figure out how.

Ty Lee, much more observant that Katara would have given her credit for, pulled her off away from the rest of the group once the play came to an end. "Is everything okay?" she asked, her large gray eyes betrayed no ill intent, no ulterior motives that Katara could discern. But still, as much as she wanted a friend right now, there were walls that she hadn't earned just yet.

"Just great," she replied, voice tight.

It was then that, through eavesdropping on the conversation just ahead of her, she remembered that the group was heading out for an after-show dinner. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

The restaurant that Zuko picked looked terribly expensive; Katara balked at the decor as the group ascended up the steps towards the lobby to wait for their hostess. The building looked made of marble and gold, with intricately woven blood-red rugs perfectly centered along every aisle. The golden chandeliers that hung from the high ceiling were delicate and thin, and were strung with what looked like rubies that glittered in the light of the flames. The jewels themselves were dazzling; Katara found herself staring up at them distractedly for too long a moment before snapping herself out of it. _This is where the elites dine_ , she mused. The tables looked hand-carved; she wasn't any good at identifying types of wood, but it looked strong and darkly colored. The seats were wide and thickly cushioned in dark velvet. The colors in the room, just like everything else here, were shades of red, black and gold, though as some mild relief to her eyes, the tones of gold were vastly predominate over red, used simply as an accent here.

"Zuko's really trying to bust our wallets, isn't he?" Katara muttered, leaning over to Ty Lee, who still skirted her left. She was already planning on keeping her order to water and bread, only partially out of preemptive disdain for the likely cuisine options.

The acrobat tilted her head, furrowing her eyebrows. "What are you talking about?"

She waved a hand about the room broadly, gesturing at the general ambiance and ritz of the place. "I guess I don't exactly know what the Kyoshi Warrior salary is like, but I doubt I could afford anything on the menu here."

Ty Lee shook her head. "Katara - you don't need to pay for anything here. We're guests of the Fire Lord," she said quietly, her eyes flickering over to Zuko and back. "He doesn't exactly get a bill at the end of a meal."

She didn't know why that caught her so off guard, but nevertheless she stopped short. "What?"

Chuckling, Ty Lee crossed her arms over her chest. "Did you really think you were going to have to shell out for dinner with royalty?" she laughed.

"I mean - _yeah_! What kind of monster doesn't pay for their food?" Katara shot back indignantly, barely managing to keep her voice down. "He just expects free stuff from everyone?" she asked, incredulous.

"No, I don't," came a voice from her right. Looking up, she saw that Zuko had walked back towards them, trying to wrangle them into the rest of the group as they followed the hostess down towards the back of the restaurant. Mai, nearly unnoticeable, hovered silently behind him. He looked markedly upset, and Katara noted their earlier fight probably had something to do with it.

"Then what does she mean, Zuko?" she asked, trying, and failing, to keep the malice out of her tone.

His eyes darted around the room for a brief moment before leaning in, signaling to her that she needed to be quieter. "The Royal Financier processes my bills, Katara. I thought you knew that?"

Her gut knotted. "No, I didn't," she said, voice low and apologetic now. _You need to check yourself,_ came a small voice in the back of her head. What was the matter with her tonight? She owed him a big apology, once they were away from the group.

#

As they were situated and comfortable, with appetizers on the way (Katara had to nearly beg the server to bring her just a plain rice bowl), it somehow came about that Ty Lee had decided to talk Katara into getting drunk.

"I'm a _guest_ here," she whispered, completely scandalized. "I couldn't..."

"You can, and you should," Ty Lee insisted, a sly smile on her plump lips. "It's a Festival, for spirit's sake. It's our annual excuse to get all-out, raging drunk." She sat up straighter as their server came back around with his notepad, asking as if on cue what they would like to start out with on drinks.

 _She has a_ _point_ , Katara noted, but was still worried enough about her sober behavior tonight that drunk behavior just felt like a terrible idea. "I don't know."

"You do know." Ty Lee raised an eyebrow. "Saké for both of us, please," she declared, looking up and batting her long lashes at the server, oozing pink charm. The server, momentarily flustered by the flirtation, nodded and dipped his head in silent acquiescence.

Katara sighed.

The wine was great. Excellent, in fact. It was definitely stronger than the plum wine in the South Pole, though, and she had to remind herself to keep a slow pace on her drink. Ty Lee was going to keep her glass full all night if she could.

Across from them, Zuko was mostly silent; Mai was reminiscing with Ruriko about an old master they'd had in school - it sounded like they'd trained in weapons together in childhood. _Are all of her friends as dangerous as she is?_ she wondered, memories of Azula and searing blue flame floating back to her. The Fire Nation hadn't nearly dominated the entire world out of idleness, she supposed. Mai and Ruriko's two other friends - whose names Katara absolutely did not remember - were quieter, mostly listening in on the conversation between the two women.

She didn't have much time to be nosy in their affairs, however, since the moment Ty Lee bottomed out her first glass, she declared, "Katara, I think I'm in love with someone."

 _That_ caught her attention. "What? With who?"

"I don't know if I should say," she murmured, looking pensive. Her fingers toyed with the end of her braid absentmindedly as she mulled over the issue.

Katara raised an eyebrow at that. "Is it someone I know?" she asked, leaning in. Maybe it was the wine, or maybe it was just the addictive nature of the estrogen-laced bonding ritual that was gossip, but Katara found herself suddenly heavily invested in this. Drama in anyone else's love life but her own (or her brother's) was surprisingly refreshing.

Ty Lee hesitated. "Not exactly," she hedged, not meeting her eyes. "But for now I have to - have to keep it private.

Not knowing what came over her, she smiled up at her suggestively. "I can keep a secret," she hummed.

Her hazel eyes beat down at her for a long moment before granting her a small laugh. "Even from your brother?" She tried to play it off cooly, but the anxiety that flickered across her face gave her away.

Katara gasped. "Ty Lee- _still_? Sokka? I thought that was a long time ago!"

She blinked. "No - no! That's not what I meant. That was never serious," she clarified, waving her hands and shaking her head. "I just meant that you can't tell him." There was a brief moment of pause as the still-flustered server came back around, having seen her empty her cup and keen to refill it. Ty Lee gave him a warm, beaming smile in thanks and eagerly started in on her second round.

Unable to restrain herself, she laughed. "You're not in love with Suki, are you?" Meant as a joke, she was perturbed when a serious look came over Ty Lee's face. "Wait. _Are_ you in love with Suki?"

"No! Stop guessing. Like I said, you don't know who it is."

"But Sokka does?"

"Yeah," she said softly. She paused, biting her lip, not making eye contact as Katara's eyes practically bore into her. "Her name is Nari. You can't tell Sokka because..." Her eyes flitted around the room nervously. When she spoke again, her voice was barely above a whisper. "Because she's one of the other Kyoshi Warriors."

* * *

 **a/n:** random cliffhanger, I know. it's important to the plot, even if it seems like pointless fluff, i promise. i was going to wait to bring up the ty lee subplot but it will make sense + be relevant next chapter. besides - what better chapter to introduce love affairs than in LATD?

Not much zutara content here, at least not _positive_ zutara content, but babygirl katara has some growing to do, and it will lead to good things.

who's excited for Mai development? probably nobody, but at least she gets to be more than a catty romantic rival.

please leave me a review, even if it's brief, just letting me know how you feel about things so far. i'm wearing myself out and the feedback from you guys gives me so much joy, it really keeps me moving forward.

til next time friends!


	8. Knocked Down

**eight: knocked down**

As the group stumbled and laughed their way back to the palace, Katara felt her head reeling. Today had felt impossibly long - was it really only a few hours ago Zuko had given her the green light on her Ambassadorship? - and every bone in her body begged her to collapse into bed ASAP. She usually had a fair amount of trouble falling asleep at night, but she suspected that tonight it wouldn't be an issue for once.

In the morning, she would be bursting at the seams to write back to Sokka. Ty Lee's revelation might have been more important than she'd realized, and it might help Sokka and Suki resolve _their_ issue. She couldn't exactly remember _how_ right now, but it was there, buried lightly under her tipsy haze, and she was sure she'd have everything figured out when she woke up.

Ty Lee was staying at the palace too, and it turned out her room was only a few doors down from Katara's. They bid their goodnights with a hug that was a bit overzealous for Katara's taste, but she appreciated it all the same. She barely avoided tripping over her skirt as she finished her trek to her door, biting her lip in irritation as she fumbled with the knob. Once inside, her clothes were off and piled on the floor faster than she would've thought possible, and she nearly slapped herself in the face with water from her canteen, a last minute realization that she would be hungover in the morning if she didn't hydrate.

The silk sheets cocooned around her, she drifted off into an uncomfortable sleep, belly full of wine and the red room spinning around her.

#

Katara was very, very confused when she sat up with a jolt some hours later, the sun not yet risen.

She'd been having some sort of dream that slipped out of her tenuous grasp the moment she tried to reach for it. That was normal; what _wasn't_ normal was the burning in her heart that it left her with. It wasn't the same fire that consumed her in the dream that took her bending, though this heat was nearly as intense. It was a longing, a yearning, wholly foreign to her.

Shaking her head, she rubbed her eyes and reached nimble fingers out to pull a stream of what remained in her canteen, the water warm and stale on her lips. She'd only truly been drunk a small handful of times, and she was grateful to recognize that she didn't appear to be hungover - she was, however, wide awake, and knew she wouldn't be able to fall back to sleep tonight. Peering out the sheer curtains adorning the window near her bedside table, she saw a faint shimmer of blue on the edge of the horizon, meaning it would probably be dawn within the hour.

Katara stretched as she stood, reaching for the dark blue robe draped across a plush black chair in the corner of the room. She tied it tightly over her wraps and turned to back to the bedside table, grabbing the pale candle that sat there on a thin porcelain candle holder. After a few minutes of searching around the room, she realized that there wasn't a matchbook - maybe it was taken by the last non-firebender who had stayed in here? It wasn't likely that they had assumed all guests could light their own flames, she reasoned, but it was still frustrating.

It was still early enough, she mused, sliding into slippers and poking out of her door, that maybe no one would be around to notice. Her eyes danced across the wide halls in search of a candelabra that was low enough for her to reach, but with no luck. The ones that were lit were all ceiling-height, too high to be knocked over or bumped against. Too high to be used to light another candle.

Her lips curled up in annoyance, and she sighed as she realized she would just have to make do. She more or less remembered how to get back to the courtyard that she and Zuko had sparred in, and would just have to hope that a guard would be available to direct her if she got lost.

Her memory seemed to work just fine. It took her a little longer than expected, but eventually the large double doors with the dragon-engraved handlebars came into view. The guards on either side of it tensed up at her approach, but after giving her a once-over stepped aside to let her through. She nodded at them wordlessly in thanks and heaved the door outward, faint light streaming through. Her slippers were soft enough that she tread over the sand walkway without a sound. Yue was waning, nearly a new moon, and so she could hardly make out the foliage lining the path in the dark, but she could see a glimmer of water pouring from the fountain along the edge of the stone courtyard nearest to her. Katara began to glide towards it when a bright flash of flame startled her into a yelp.

Realizing what had happened, she slapped a hand over her mouth. "Zuko?" she squeaked, self-conscious of her outburst.

Still in stance from his last firebending form, his head turned up to look at her. He was several yards away, but his flames had crossed most of the distance between them. Registering his startled friend clutching herself by her nearest source of water, he loosened up, feet coming together to stand upright. "What are you doing?" he asked, paying no mind to the way his loud voice rang out across the empty space.

"I didn't know you were here," she told him defensively. "I woke up early. I just wanted to be outside for a bit before it got hot out." She _also_ wanted to practice her bending, but she wasn't about to tell him that. She did not have the energy to spar with him again, especially not with the weak moon and with dawn soon approaching. A small part of her also knew that she wouldn't be able to turn him down if he challenged her again.

He nodded and, to her surprise, instead of continuing on with his practice, he stood still, apparently unsure of where to look. Katara suddenly remembered with a strong wave of guilt how their last couple of conversations had ended.

"Is..." she hesitated, clearing her throat. She didn't want to sound nosy, but she needed to know if they were alone. "Is Mai out here too?" she asked.

Zuko shook his head curtly. "No. Palace guards are stationed at the entrances."

Taking a deep breath, she strode towards the fountain and sat down on the edge, waving him closer and inviting him to follow suit. He took a long moment to debate it before sighing and relenting.

Katara turned to face him as he lowered himself down onto the ledge beside her. "Listen," she said slowly. "I'm really sorry. I don't know what came over me today. I think..." she paused, searching for the right words. There was no real excuse for the way she'd been acting, but she at least owed him an explanation. "I've had so much anger bottled up since Aang and I broke up," she breathed, clenching her free hand in the rich fabric of her robe. "And it still feels strange to be in the Fire Nation, and not to feel angry and afraid all the time, even after these last few years. But I know it's not fair of me to take it out on you. I don't know why I have been, honestly."

Instead of firing back at her like she might have expected, he was quiet and pensive, pursing his lips as he looked away. When he spoke, his gravelly voice was gentle. "It's because you know I'll always forgive you," he said quietly. "I have to."

Katara flinched; the tension between them was palpable. She could almost hear her own voice ringing across the pavilion.

 _I was the first person to trust you, remember?_

She swallowed hard, willing herself to find her voice. "No, you don't, Zuko. Not if I don't deserve it." He opened his mouth to rebut her, but she quickly cut him off, her arm slicing the air in front of her to emphasize her point. "You do not owe me _anything_. Okay? You saved my life. More than once," she added, with a flash of memory of his body crashing into hers, knocking her out of harm's way at the Western Air Temple. "If you're mad at me, be mad at me. Please." The words brought with them no small sense of deja vu.

Zuko grunted, closing his eyes. "I'm not mad at you, Katara, I'm..." he gritted his teeth. "I'm disappointed that you still think so little of me. I guess I should understand why, but I thought we had moved past that."

"We have!" she set down the unlit candle she was still holding and shifted her weight to face him fully, leaning forward slightly. "We have. And that's why I'm saying you have every right to be angry. Don't just... _give_ me a forgiveness that I haven't earned."

He contemplated his for a moment before sighing again. "You really want to make it up to me?"

She nodded earnestly. "Yes."

"Will you talk to Mai?"

Katara blinked, shocked. That wasn't just the last thing she expected to hear from him - it wasn't even _on the_ _list_ of things she expected to hear from him. "What?"

"Will you talk to her?" he repeated. "I know you guys don't get along very well. It would mean a lot to me if you tried."

 _What do I owe her?_ She thought, somewhat angry. Anything for him, sure, but for Mai? Why?

She bit her lip. "I... I wouldn't really know where to start. She just doesn't seem to like me."

"It's not that she doesn't like you, she-" he stopped short, and tensed as he seemed to bite back whatever he had been about to say. "She just doesn't know you very well. She doesn't take well to outsiders, but if you talked to her more I think she'll warm up. Will you try?"

It took every ounce of willpower she had not to laugh at the thought. As if anything _could_ warm that woman up. She was dating a firebender - the Fire _Lord_ , for spirits' sake, and she was still an emotional block of ice.

She mulled it over for a while, letting silence lapse between them. He wasn't asking her to succeed, she reasoned. If Mai wasn't receptive, that wouldn't be her fault. She just had to put in some effort. Besides, she had Ty Lee now. She could use her as a reference. She didn't know the first thing about connecting with a woman whose only hobby appeared to be throwing sharp objects. But Ty Lee did.

"Okay," she breathed. Katara forced herself to look him in the eye. "I'll try. Promise."

He gave her a smile then, a real one that reached his eyes, and she couldn't help herself but smile back.

It was a long moment before she broke the silence again; out of the corner of her eye, she started to notice more streaks of color in the sky as the sun grew closer. "So - I know this is your home, but why are _you_ out here so early?" she asked.

Zuko shrugged, running a hand through his long hair to move it away from his good eye. "I come out here a few times a week to wake up. It's just nice to be alone before the day starts."

Katara blushed at that; she hadn't realized she was interrupting him, however inadvertently. "Oh, Zuko, I'm sorry! I didn't even think about that." She stood quickly, bending forward to pick up the forgotten candle from the ground; in the same motion, her other hand came up to restrain her robe from slipping, as the tie had begun to loosen. The entire ordeal made her blush even worse - she hadn't dressed for company. "I'll leave you alone. I can find somewhere else to be."

A warm hand wrapped gently around her wrist, stopping her in her tracks. Her wide blue eyes peered up into his. "Don't be sorry," he rasped. "You should stay, now that you're here." The Fire Lord gave her a small, warm grin.

She didn't know why, but her heart skipped a beat. "I have a small confession - I came out here to practice bending," she admitted with a shake of her head, her shoulders tensing. "I just - when I saw you, I didn't want it to turn into a sparring match. I wanted quiet time too."

He released her arm; she suddenly felt a chill where his hand, still heated from his bending practice, had been. "We can practice together without fighting," he said assuredly, lifting his chin.

Katara raised an eyebrow at him. "You sure about that? I'm not so sure that's true."

He stood up, towering over her like everyone else did. "I guess we'll find out."

* * *

The waterbender stepped lightly back to her room afterwards, an easy smile on her lips. She hoped this could maybe become a routine - once a week, at least, so he could still have some mornings to himself, but often enough she could spend time with him without a crowd.

And he was right; they _could_ practice together without fighting, even if only barely. They'd spent a little under an hour going through stretches, basic practice poses, and eventually some more difficult forms they were each trying to master. Zuko seemed as though he'd made more progress than she had in the last few years; it was disappointing for her, though it made sense. She spent all her time teaching simpler moves she had long mastered, and he spent his time learning new ones. Maybe it would do her good to branch out, like Ty Lee had suggested.

Zuko had lit her candle for her before departing, though the sun was high enough now that she hardly needed it. Even from across the long hallway, she could see a messenger knocking on her door impatiently, a cross look on his face. Guiltily, she wondered how long he had been standing there, waiting for a response that wasn't going to come. She scurried forward quickly, tying her robe shut firmly again after bending out the last few stray drops of water from her wraps.

"I'm so sorry, sir," she called out, waving her hand to catch his attention. "I've been out of my room. Do you have something for me?" she asked as she caught up to him, hand outstretched for the roll of parchment in his fisted hand.

The man, surprisingly shorter than she, gave her a full once-over and screwed up his expression even more frustrated than before. "Ma'am, this is the summons _you_ requested. Where have you been?"

 _A little demanding for a servant_ , she thought before catching herself. He had every right to be annoyed, she had to remind herself. Katara opened her mouth to answer before remembering the state she was in - half dressed, hair askew and sneaking out in the middle of the night. The last thing she needed was wild rumors flying around before she'd even officially taken her post. "Bathroom," she blurted, unable to come up with anything better.

He didn't believe her and she could see it. However, he let it slide. Practically shoving the parchment into her hands, he huffed and heel-turned away without another word.

#

 _Katara:_

 _Congratulations on your acceptance for the position of Ambassador of the Southern Water Tribe. Your mentor, Ambassador Nanook of the Northern Water Tribe, will be arriving at the Fire Nation Royal Palace in two weeks' time to assist in your training. Enclosed, you have been provided a schedule of meetings in which your presence has been requested during these two weeks. Please consult with the Royal Adviser or the Chief of the Southern Water Tribe with any questions._

There was no closure to the letter, no identity of who had sent it to her. Katara's best guest was Iroh, but that could easily be outside the scope of his job. As far as she knew, his only official royal duty was exactly what he'd been doing for the last six years - giving Zuko advice. He probably brewed tea for council meetings too, but that was about as far as Katara could reasonably guess.

Flipping through the parchment to the next page, she'd been given a laundry list of meeting times and locations over the next few weeks - counting down the rows, it averaged almost four a day aside from the weekends. Katara swallowed nervously; the first meeting was this afternoon, just after lunch. They'd at least only scheduled one for her first day, but starting tomorrow it was no holds barred. Her eyes scanned down the list and saw vague headers on each one, indicating subject matter for each. Most looked like they were over Earth Kingdom affairs. She sighed; if she wanted Water Tribe matters discussed, she would probably have to be the one to spearhead.

 _Ambassador_ _Nanook_ , she mused silently. Of course the Northern Tribe's representative was a man. She groaned internally; she had no desire to go through another round of Pakku bullshit. Her interactions with her GranGran's new husband had been few and far between since the end of the war; they were usually traveling together, making up for lost time and looking for new waterbenders to train. She had no idea how much, if at all, their sister tribe's culture had changed and progressed since the invasion of the North.

Turning to her stash of stationery by the armoire, she traded the letter in her hand for the one she'd received from Sokka, remembering suddenly what she'd wanted to say. _Speaking of cultural changes..._

Katara turned to the writing desk along the far wall of the room; ink pots, quills, and parchment were laid out neatly and ready for use. She sank gracefully into the chair and took a deep breath, gathering her thoughts for her response back to her brother.

 _Sokka,_

 _I hope Suki arrived safely. I also hope she hasn't given you an answer to your proposal yet, because there's something you need to know._

 _I can't say who or how I know this, but two of the other Kyoshi warriors may want to get married. To each other. You have_ got to _tell Suki; she'll be more willing to change the rules if she's not the only one she's doing it for, I just know it. This could be your chance to have the life with her that you wanted - she can marry you and still have her own life; you can follow her to Kyoshi and leave the tribe. Tell Dad he has to stay on as Chief, or find someone else. You're going to regret it for the rest of your life if you don't._

 _As for me - don't announce it yet, but I am going to start training for an Ambassadorship to the Fire Nation. I can't wait; I think this is the change I needed. You, Toph, Aang and Zuko have been doing such huge things for the world ever since the end of the war, and now I can finally say I've done something big too. As much as you make fun of me for trying to be a mom, I don't think I was ever meant to be a housewife._

 _Give Dad and Suki my love._

 _\- Katara_

* * *

Saori, who was more or less assigned to Katara at this point, helped her choose what to wear for her first meeting. She was going to have to go shopping soon, she mused, already planning on enlisting Ty Lee's help for that job. There weren't nearly enough professional robes in her wardrobe for her to make it through the next two weeks.

The robe they settled on was fairly neutral, a white robe with dark blue trim and sash. Katara felt a flash of panic as she suddenly remembered Zuko saying something about white being a mourning color in the Fire Nation, and she refused Saori's choice at first. The girl surprised her with a soft smile.

"It is, Master Katara, but not in your culture. You are expected to represent your people, not ours," she said gently.

She hadn't considered that. "I won't offend anyone?" she asked, still hesitant.

Saori shook her head. "The only people of the Fire Nation in this meeting will be the Fire Lord and his Adviser - the rest are of the Earth Kingdom. There aren't many to offend," the girl explained.

Zuko would be there? She hadn't been notified of that. The thought of him seeing her make inevitable mistakes on her first day on the job made her more nervous than she had been already.

"I don't know if I can do this," she muttered under her breath, looking herself over the mirror. Her hair was up into one simple bun, stock and standard loopies bouncing lightly against her cheekbones. She looked nice; not quite plain, but definitely not dressed up to look beautiful. Katara was a politician now, not a politician's wife, and she wanted to give off the right air. She lifted her chin a bit as she made eye contact with her reflection.

"Just let them see you for who you are," Saori said. Katara hadn't meant for the servant girl to hear what she'd said, but it didn't matter. "You are very kind, Master Katara, and very strong. Don't try to prove it. They will see you."

She turned around to look at her, this short-haired teenaged girl who looked like a more sheepish version of herself just a few years ago. "You're very wise for your age," she noted with a smile.

Saori looked down at her feet, a faint blush on her cheeks. "It's just what my parents say to me," she admitted, refusing to look up to meet Katara's eyes.

"Yes, well, it still takes a lot of wisdom to listen to your parents at your age," she joked, hoping to get a laugh out of her. No such luck.

No matter. She'd keep trying.

* * *

There was no sight of Zuko just yet, but Katara easily spotted Iroh once she and the other dignitaries had been allowed into the room. He caught her eye and stood, nodding and giving passing pleasantries to the other members as he strode by them on his way towards her. She tilted her head up, confused, waiting to take her seat.

"General Iroh?" she asked quietly, realizing as she spoke that she no longer knew what the best title was for him. Adviser Iroh? Didn't really roll off the tongue.

"Master Karara," he said warmly, dipping his head into a small bow. "I am glad you received my letter. I forgot to mention one thing," he told her, raspy voice lowering as he leaned in just a bit. "I would ask you to sit at my side. Since you are training and your mentor has not yet arrived, you have been invited to spectate."

 _But not to speak_ , he didn't have to say. Katara felt stung.

She didn't have words for a long minute, closing her eyes as they welled up in angry tears. Not directed at him, necessarily, but at the slight. "Am I not to participate at all until Ambassador Nanook arrives?" she asked, her tone bitter. She couldn't open her eyes; she knew she'd glare at him if she did, and Iroh didn't deserve that.

"I am afraid so, Master Katara," he answered softly.

"I am not to speak," she reiterated slowly, "until a man is present to take responsibility for me?"

Her eyes opened now, and she could see Iroh visibly balk. She could tell he hadn't thought of it that way; it was also obvious that there wasn't really a choice in the matter.

He didn't respond, but his answer was plain in his eyes.

Embarrassment and indignation pulsed through her with fire; she couldn't bring herself to make eye contact with any of the other members as she followed Iroh back to their seats, hers on a cushion beside the Royal Adviser and placed rather far behind. She was briefly glad she wore leggings beneath her robes, so she could sit cross-legged - she would have to thank Saori again this evening - but the feeling was quickly squelched by the overwhelming shame of her seating assignment.

It wouldn't be so bad if her mentor was a woman, she told herself. It was normal just to watch, right? She was just in training. Still, something about this felt very off, very wrong, and she suspected it had to more to do with the Northern Tribe than Iroh would let on.

Katara hoped to hell that Nanook was a waterbender. Otherwise, once they finally met, he wasn't going to stand a chance.

* * *

 **author's note:** hi friends! this chapter was going to go more into Katara's conversation with Ty Lee, and then I realized that the last few chapters have all taken place within the span of one day and that we needed to pick up the pace a lil bit.

The NWT sexism wasn't originally planned as a plot element, but it felt natural once I realized Katara needed a mentor from her culture - it hasn't been explicitly stated within the story, but there currently are no SWT Ambassadors, to anywhere, at all. They've upgraded from 5 igloos to 10, plus one pub; they still don't have much political structure to speak of. Which means Katara has no frame of reference for her new role.

On the shipping front: it was about TIME these two dorks got more than 5 minutes alone with each other, and about time that Katara starts to get her shit together, but of course Zuko can't make anything easy. he just needs the women he cares about to like each other, which at the end of the day is not an unreasonable thing to want, even if it does create more...obstacles... for things... to happen...

if anyone felt like the forgiveness scene was beating a dead horse, pls don't hate me. Zuko's got enough anxiety for him to feel indebted for things he's long been forgiven for. (Also, regardless of anything else, Zuko _will_ always forgive Katara ;) ).

also, small korra reference, because it fit and because I can't help myself.

tell me what you think! what you liked! what you didn't like! what you want more of! i crave feedback.


	9. Break

**nine: break**

When it was over, Katara couldn't remember a single word that had been said. The muscles and tendons running through her body were thrumming with anger and resentment; she was sure her lower lip was bleeding under the restraint of keeping quiet. The seat she sat on was hard and uncomfortable - the lack of cushioning on top of her nerves made it almost impossible not to fidget throughout the whole thing. Waiting until the room had cleared, she immediately turned to Iroh and Zuko, the former of which at least seemed to be mildly aware that a storm was coming. Zuko, apparently, was completely oblivious to her barely-abated rage, even though she was almost assuredly foaming at the mouth by this point.

Katara stood as the last dignitary exited, her hands on her hips before she could command them otherwise. "General Iroh, is this normal?" she asked, tone more demanding than she wanted it to be. "I mean, is there no one else willing to mentor me until I can start participating? This feels..." she paused, looking for the right word. _Demeaning, insulting_ , was what she wanted to say. She had to save face, though, and she couldn't afford starting a fight right off the bat. Swallowing, she continued, "it feels unnecessary."

Fire Lord Zuko looked perplexed; his eyes shifted uneasily between Katara and his uncle. "What feels unnecessary?"

Iroh answered before Katara could, and for that she was grateful. He would undoubtedly have more tact than she. "Master Katara has been instructed to wait until her counterpart from the North has arrived, which will be a fortnight from now, before fully participating in her role."

"Is this something everyone has to do?" she asked, hands still on her hips. She wanted to move them, but they were already there, and easing her stance felt too akin to backing down.

Iroh sighed, looking away. "Your situation is... unique, I'm afraid. For the sake of unity with your sister tribe, it was thought that the chance to confer with Nanook would be wise before you are officially instated."

Katara shook her head. "The South Pole does not _need_ unity with the North," she stated as calmly as she could muster. "We are a separate tribe, with our own customs and our own culture. I don't need Nanook to speak for me," she said pointedly. The waterbender paused, searching his face. "Did you decide this, or did the Ambassador request it?"

The dead silence in the room gave her her answer.

Her arms moved from her hips to cross over her arms. "I can't believe this," she muttered, shaking her head. "I understand the need to watch for a while before jumping in, I really do. But you have me booked back to back all day for the next two weeks. And you really expect me to be silent the _entire_ time?"

Iroh raised a hand, asking her to calm down - which, really, only made her angrier, but she forced herself to reel it in. "You have no prior experience, Master Katara. It is not meant as an insult to you, truly. We want to set you up for success, not failure." His tone, though kind, was also tired. She could tell he was using his Uncle voice; she wondered how many times he'd had this conversation with Zuko before.

The Fire Lord piped up. "I believe in you, Katara, and so does my uncle. But everyone needs a mentor."

Katara hated how reasonable they were being. She hated that they were making _her_ feel _un_ reasonable. She didn't need to be benched for nearly thirty council sessions; surely they could see that. "I helped save the world, Zuko," she retorted, shifting her gaze to him directly. "My family and I have had the sole burden and responsibility of rebuilding Waterbending culture in the South Pole for the last three years. I don't have political experience because my tribe _has_ no real political structure. And the reason we don't have politics is because we were _wiped out_." She let the words hang in the air, taking a deep breath. "That's why I'm here. Most of the men in my tribe died during the war. We're rebuilding from the ground up. We just have to start with what we have. Falling in line behind the North and their way of doing things is not the answer."

The men seemed to hear her, but they exchanged a look between them that she couldn't read. She stood firm, trying to release the tension and relax her shoulders while holding her chin high.

"We could discuss it with some of the Earth Kingdom Ambassadors, but the problem is that we still don't know who to trust," Zuko said slowly. "If any of them were willing to take you on as a mentee, I would be extremely cautious of sharing any information with them, and be cognizant of everything you hear. It's not exactly the safest time for you to be launching a new career in politics."

"That is why we sent for Ambassador Nanook," Iroh added.

"Yeah. Well, I can't wait around to get started. And if I get one of them to trust me, maybe I'll find out something useful from them." She offered Zuko a smile, but there was a flash of trepidation in his eyes. "Besides, you promised me." Iroh, who had been watching her quietly, turned to his nephew in confusion. "You said you'd give me whatever I needed. This is what I need."

He was quiet for a long moment, then gave her a small, begrudging nod. "I did," he said sagely. "Very well. I'll schedule consultations for tomorrow. You'll have an answer within the next few days."

Katara dipped her head and bowed, her hands forming the Fire Nation gesture of respect and deference. "Thank you, Fire Lord Zuko," she said earnestly. Her lips twitched up into a smile when she saw him roll his eyes at her; at the end of the day, he held no more power over her than anyone on the street, but she owed him for this.

* * *

She ate alone that night - Zuko was tied up in a private dinner affair with the mayor of some Earth Kingdom province - but afterwards, in her chambers, she received an unexpected knock on her door. Throwing it open, she was surprised to see Iroh standing there with a tray, two cups and a small kettle of what Katara could easily assume was tea. Jasmine, by the smell of it. Adorning his face was a small, sheepish grin.

"General Iroh," she said, managing not to stutter in surprise. "What brings you here?"

He bowed his head just slightly. "I was hoping to begin our tutoring sessions, Master Katara, if I haven't offended you too greatly," he told her, his low voice gravelly and humble.

Pushing the door open wider, she waved him through and curled her lips up into a smile. "Of course not, General. That wasn't... none of that was your fault. I understand why you did what you did." As he passed her, she closed the door behind them, taking a quick peek out into the hallway to scan for any potential eavesdroppers. "I just hope you understand why I can't accept that."

He gave a her a slow, firm nod. "I do. And I think you are all the stronger for standing your ground, Master Katara. But I do fear assigning you to an Earth Kingdom dignitary. If you go this route, you must not show any outward indication of favor towards the Fire Nation. With these threats still unknown, you must remain neutral, for your safety."

Katara bristled a bit at that. "I can handle myself, General," she said evenly.

"I am sure you can. However, once you become an official representative of your people, your safety will no longer be solely your concern. You cannot place undue jeopardy upon yourself or your office."

She hadn't thought of it that way. Mulling this over for a bit, she led Iroh over to her desk and pulled out the chair to allow him to sit; she sat down on the edge of the bed, facing him, and extended a hand to accept his proffered teacup.

The next hour was spend going over the most recent Fire Nation colony murmurs and uprisings. Iroh immediately guessed that one of her first requests for her tribe would be of the financial nature; he explained that the Fire Nation treasury was spread thin trying to play this game of whack-a-badgermole with civil unrest and the Earth Kingdom conspiracies. He urged her to consult with her tribe to prioritize their needs, maybe even go so far as to create a formal budget, before making any requests of financial aid. Zuko, he said, was too partial to her, and would probably give in to whatever she asked, regardless of the strain it might put on the crown. It would be a bad foot to start on, and in politics, one always wanted to be thinking of things in the long term. It wasn't the most popular thing to do, when everyone wanted their problems fixed immediately. "But that is the beauty of your position," he murmured. "You are not elected, and therefore are not required to bow to the whims of others against your better judgment."

Katara nodded, but even as she did so, she was hit with a torrential wave of guilt that seemed to come out of absolutely nowhere. Her fingers wove into the bedspread beneath her as her heart rate kicked up, her mind reeling as it searched for the source of the sudden upset.

Aang.

#

 _A thick brown coat - fake fur, imported from a small city in the Eastern Earth Kingdom - clouded Katara's vision. His back was turned to her, hunched over a large text, hundreds of pages thick. The binding was a pale yellow, the color of wilting dandelions, and the pages, while beginning to fade, were still mostly white. The cover's text was engraved and dyed a dark blue. Katara couldn't read it; it was in Aang's native language, in the alphabet of the Air Nomads. Its contents were history; its cover bespoke a long-lost wisdom._

 _The sight of it prickled at her._

 _How could they be so sure it was authentic? So much was lost in the massacre, the likelihood of finding an original tome in such pristine condition seemed too unlikely. Katara felt like they were back at the Southern Air Temple all over again, stumbling upon skulls and scorch marks, rushing to cover it up. Eventually she was going to have to deliver that same bad news to Aang, all over again. How many times was it going to fall on her to break his heart?_

 _"You can't trust them," she said quietly, slippers shuffling noisily against the ground as she came up behind him. He hadn't known she was there; he jumped a bit, turning his head over his shoulder to cast a glance down at her. "You know that, right? I know they say they want to help you, and I know you need guidance. But you have to remember that they have their own agenda too. No one does anything for free, least of all help the most powerful person in the world." This wasn't the first time they'd had this conversation, but it was the first time that Katara had something concrete that set off alarm bells in her head._

 _Aang shook his head. "You don't know what you're talking about, Katara. The White Lotus exists to help keep the balance." Shifting back to the book, she saw his shoulder hunch upwards a bit, signaling to her that he wanted to end this conversation._

 _She ignored it, persisting. "The White Lotus is made up of individual people, who all have individual priorities and angles and goals. I'm just saying, you have to take things with a grain of salt and you can't trust that every single thing they tell you is coming from a genuine place. You have to play some things close to the vest."_

 _Aang's upper lip curled in frustration. "Shouldn't you be telling me to hold out hope that they're the answer to my struggles? That I should be grateful that I don't have to do everything alone?" He grunted, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Angry, yet defensive. He knew she was right, but couldn't admit it. She couldn't say she blamed him; she wanted to be wrong about this._

 _Her arms crossed over her chest defensively. "You don't have to do everything alone," she reminded him, voice as even as she could muster. "You have_ me _."_

 _"All you do is shut me down!" he shot back, finally turning around to look at her fully. His eyes were tired and baggy; she knew he hadn't been sleeping, but this was maybe worse than she'd thought. "I'm trying to do what I think is best and you don't seem to believe in me."_

 _"That's not fair, Aang," she retorted, pursing her lips. "I do believe in you."_

 _He slammed the book shut with a heavy thud, tucking it under his arm. "Then maybe start acting like it."_

#

By the time her moment of mental absence had passed, Katara was completely lost and had no idea what had elapsed in the meantime. To compensate, she hyperfocused on Iroh, trying to place context on what he was in the middle of telling her, but was entirely lost until he changed subjects. He moved on to touch briefly the issue of the Fire Nation currency value dropping, but Katara cut him off when she noticed him try to stifle a yawn. "It's getting late, General. We can continue in a couple days - you should get some sleep."

Iroh chuckled. "Indeed I should. And you as well - you likely feel more awake at night, but in the Fire Nation, you will have to learn the schedule of the sun."

She gave him a small smile as she handed him back her empty teacup. "I think I'm getting a routine down," she said softly, "or- at least I hope I do." Her mind wandered back to her dawn bending practice with Zuko, and couldn't help the way the corners of her lips tugged upwards at the thought.

"Good. I should hope you do, if you are planning to stay."

He turned to go, but his words unsettled her in a way she hadn't expected. _If you are planning to stay._ Did that mean she was moving here, to the Fire Nation, permanently? Could she trade off time between here and the South Pole? Things she should have considered before taking the position, things that were maybe implicit in her decision to accept, but for some reason hadn't fully dawned on her yet. She'd been so caught up in the excitement of getting out of the South for the first time in so long that the long term implications had escaped her.

And moreover - if she was staying here, how long could she stay in the palace before she needed to find her own place to live? Surely it wasn't appropriate for an ambassador to be living _in_ the home of a foreign monarch.

Katara's head spun. She had to admit, maybe sending for Nanook for guidance wasn't a _terrible_ idea. There was no way she was going to say that out loud at this point, but maybe having another member of a Water Tribe to confer with would be a bit of relief.

 _As long as he doesn't tell me to back home to the healing huts where I 'belong'._

She waved the thought away and bid him goodbye, standing up to close the door behind him when she suddenly saw another figure approaching. Pausing, she waited a moment - her bedroom was at the end of the corridor; there weren't many other places to go when heading this direction - until she recognized a familiar, though hooded, face.

She crossed her arms over her chest. "What are you doing, Zuko?" she asked, not unkindly, but perplexed.

He pushed his hood back as he approached her; his expression was flat, only the smallest glimmer of anticipation shining in his golden eyes. "Hoping you might be up for another practice session."

She quirked an eyebrow at him, amused. "Already? Someone's a little restless."

He sighed, his shoulders slumping forward. "Yeah. I know. I'd rather not talk about it," he told her, voice gruff and just slightly exasperated.

Katara smiled at him. "Give me ten minutes to change, I'll meet you out there. I won't ask questions, promise," she added, noting how on edge he looked.

His features softened at that, and smile he gave her in return quickened her pulse; it had been a long time since she'd seen him look so open. She realized he probably hadn't had a friend to train with in a long time; he had personal trainers for that, but as far as she knew he wasn't especially friendly with any of them. Judging by his constant frantic romping around the palace from one conference room to another, training seemed to be the only way he spent the free time that he had.

 _He's just as lonely as me._

* * *

In the courtyard, Zuko was already well on his way to being warmed up, but to her surprise he didn't look worked up or ready to spar. Instead he was moving gracefully through the steps of the Dancing Dragon when she came upon him, eyes closed, limbs fluid yet pointed in their movements. Deep, even breaths punctuated the spaces between forms.

Shrugging off her outer robe, she moved towards the fountain, the stone still hot from the day beneath her bare feet, but manageable. Katara laid her robe on the ground quietly and pulled up a small sphere of water, holding it in towards her frame, and tread as lightly as she could up behind Zuko from across the courtyard. Quickly, before he could turn around and catch her, she jumped onto her toes and dumped it over his head with a loud splash.

She could see the muscles of his back tighten as he froze, water now pouring down through his long hair and over his shoulders. It took him a moment to register before he turned around to face her, eyes wide.

"What the hell was that for?" he shouted.

Katara could barely hear him over the sound of her own laughter, pointing at him. "You should see your face!" The waterbender clutched her side as she took a minute to try to breathe. "It's been too long since I've done that!"

He growled under his breath, so low that she could barely even hear it, but she knew it was playful. Stomping towards her, he blew a smoke ring in her face - not close enough to her nose to make her choke, but close enough to her eyes to annoy her.

She coughed anyway, mostly for the sake of being dramatic. "Hey! That's not fair!"

"You started it," he reminded her, though she could tell by his tone how pleased he was with himself. Zuko brushed past her to walk back towards the fountain; she stayed put, waving a hand in front of her face to clear the remaining smoke from the air.

"You ready for some practice?" she asked.

He nodded and stopped as he reached the fountain, gazing down at it quietly. "I liked what we did this morning," he told her, his voice distant. "Training is always fighting for me, or form sets. Everything is planned down to the last detail by my Uncle - and I'm grateful for it," he said quickly, trying to backpedal. "He's by far the best person to plan my training. But I never get to do anything on my own. When I was training Aang, before the comet... that was something I had never been able to do before, you know, direct the session how I wanted it to go. It was nice to be so in control, for once."

She knew exactly what he meant. Training with Pakku had been great, after he'd finally accepted her, and it had filled in so many of the gaps in her knowledge that she would never have been able to bridge on her own. But being the master of her own skill when they left the North Pole was something that couldn't truly compare to anything else. "You want to try something new?"

He nodded. "I was thinking - if I try to boil water, at the same time you try to freeze it, who would win?"

Katara scrunched up her eyebrows, thinking it over. "Why would you want to do that?"

Shrugging, he tore his eyes from the water below to look up at her. "When I was in the North Pole, I was able to melt the layer of ice that lined the surface of the ocean, but it nearly burned _me_ \- it physically hurt in a way I had never felt before, and have never felt since. And I was able to withstand the Cooler when I was at the Boiling Rock, but I couldn't melt the inside enough to get comfortable." She didn't know what he meant by the last bit, about the Boiling Rock; she made a mental note to ask him about it later. "I can see a _lot_ of practical uses for it, for getting better at it. Just because I'm not running all over the world right now doesn't mean I won't ever need new skills. And not just for me - if you had been with us in prison, and you had been able to freeze the boiling water easily, we could have escaped much easier."

She nodded, thinking it over. "This is either going to be really easy for one of us, or we'll be out here all night," she remarked, chuckling. "If I win, I get to pick out the next exercise. And it's going to be something more fun than just freezing water."

He cocked his chin up at her deviously. "You mean, boiling it."

She smiled and wiggled her eyebrows at him playfully. "I'm thinking maybe I'll play ice darts, while you try to dodge? Or I can tie you up and freeze you into a block of ice while you try to melt yourself out without your hands." He seemed to ignore her, but the brief twitch of his lip let her know he definitely heard her. She took that as her victory and followed behind him.

They took their positions on either side of it; the entire fountain spanned about 15 feet across, larger than Katara had originally realized. They were a good distance apart, and there was plenty of water for them to fight over. It reminded Katara a bit of Aang's training sessions with Toph, early on, when she was still trying to get him to move just one rock. One small, stagnant object as the focus of their attention. It was less than what she normally had to work with - what with the great open sea at her disposal back home - but the challenge was different enough that it made her wonder how it would play out.

Zuko counted down, and it began.

She created ice all the time as part of practice exercises with her students, just like she often had during her travels with Aang and Sokka as a kid. But, pouring such focus into this felt different than her normal exercises - it forced her to form a connection with the physical property of the water itself rather than manipulating the shape of it in any way. It was almost akin to bloodbending, in a way, like her mind was reaching into the veins of the body of water. The feeling made her recoil a bit; despite knowing full well there were advantages and good uses for bloodbending, she'd refused to even entertain the thought of ever using it again. Slowly, Katara dove back in, reminding herself that the water wasn't sentient and that this was a side of her skill she needed to fine tune.

At first, Katara thought she had a clear leg up, as she felt the water constricting into ice almost immediately, until she realized that about halfway down the length of the pond, there was a divide at which nothing was happening, and across from that the water was bubbling furiously. Zuko's hands were submerged, and he was bent over at a bit of an awkward angle over the ledge, but he was focused and calm. His hands seemed to almost glow red with the heat of his bending.

That was fine. She could push harder.

Her muscles tensed as she gripped tighter, pushing forward towards the block and feeling the pulsating warmth stave her off. She approached it first with force, then with trepidation as it didn't so much as respond to the contact. She frowned, her shoulders releasing and angling into a more pointed stance, digging in her heel to root her to the ground. A more strategic approach would be necessary to win this battle.

She focused all her energy on one side, giving some ground to him on her left and ramming down on the right. The move seemed to work; he faltered a bit, shifting his stance to counter it and dropping back on what was her left side. He tried to throw up a wave at her with his hands - maybe cheating, but she decided to let it go. The heat of the wave broke the top layer of ice she had built up, but she stood firm.

Despite her best efforts, Zuko redoubled his, and forced them back into a standstill at the dividing line. The longer she held her position, the more she felt a strange humming in her limbs, in her bloodstream that she couldn't identify. Katara reached out in an attempt to find the exact line between them, the border between their energies, and grasped not to fight it, but just to touch it, to experience the sensation. If she could find his weakness, she thought, it would be there.

It was getting closer. Almost as if in her mind's eye, there was a sort of light there, that kept her to one side and him to another. She extended herself again, fighting to get to it before it slipped away from her grasp. But just as the depths of her consciousness felt the stroke of his chi against hers, her body released all tension so fast that she immediately fell limp, and her vision went black.

* * *

 **author's note:** ya, i am fully aware of the plothole i wrote myself into regarding timing. I know that logistically the Fire Nation could not have had enough time for correspondence with the NWT on the Katara decision, with the technology we know of in-universe. HOWEVER, i am a big lazy piece of shit, and so i'm not going to go back and make edits to stretch out the amount of time between her decision to request the position and her first day, so we're just going to handwave it and say that the Fire Nation has bred a new uber-fast messenger pigeonhawk within the last few years. Cool? Cool.

P.S. Another thing. About languages. I get that it was easier for the sake of it being a kids' show that everyone in the Avatar world spoke the same language. And I bet there probably was one common tongue for use throughout the world. But like... you can't tell me that these very distinctive, separate cultures, who originated from locales completely isolated from one another, all speak the same language as their native tongue. That's why I included the bit about Aang's native language in this chapter, I think it's an important part of the worldbuilding here that we missed out on in the show. At some point I also want to explore differences in dialects between the Water Tribes, but we'll see if it fits.

P.P.S. Don't actually remember if Firebenders can blow smoke rings at will, but I don't really see why they couldn't, and also it didn't seem appropriate for Zuko to throw flames at her as a joke, but u know he just had to retaliate somehow.

 **review responses:**

 **Aaliyah92-** yeah, i know it wasn't explained what drove Aang to be distant from Katara. but never fear! aang's part in this story is not over, and this is a plot thread that will be revisited later. (spoilers: Katara doesn't actually _know_ what it was, and so the reader isn't going to know yet either. remember that katara was convinced Aang had a secret? all will be revealed in due time.)

 **Shipslover** \- you are right, that normally people do sit back for the first little while in a new position. i tried to make it clearer in this chapter at least that the waiting period for Katara is abnormally, excessively long. With the fact that she was slated for about 30 council sessions and wasn't supposed to participate in _any_ of them, it's a little more akin to waiting an entire month before being allowed to touch anything at a new job. It's ridiculous and it's gendered and Katara is not having any of it.


	10. Insurgence

**ten: insurgence**

Pain, it seemed, was the color blue.

After an intense lag of time in which it seemed there was nothing around her but a gaping void, a _nothingness_ , she came to, and her surroundings flooded her awareness. There was a storm of hues swirling around her field of vision, hazy though it was. Her body ached, with the sensation sharpening closer towards her head. Strangely, though, when she sat up - or tried to - she felt an absence of weight, as though she were floating. It drained her energy to concentrate enough even just to look down, but look down she did, and Katara realized she could see through herself.

Her limbs, her torso, were present, but... translucent. Only a faint outline could be made of her body, and through it, she could see soil, as though she had fallen through some unknown, straight onto the ground. There was grass, or some grass-like plant, and further ahead there were trees and shrubs. She'd landed in a clearing, quiet, gentle, temperate. There were no birds singing, no wind blowing - in fact, it wasn't so much peaceful as it was stagnant. It gave her an eerie feeling, like she'd wandered into someone else's dream.

Stranger still was the presence of what almost looked like a stream - it wasn't water, but an amorphous light, flowing in a loosely winding path that resembled a river. It was red, and it ran straight through her. Looking further out, the stream extended past the limits of her vision, around a hill in the distance and faded into the landscape. She turned to see where it led behind her, but the motion felt like a punch to the gut, and she stopped.

Going still for a while, she centered herself, failing for a while to notice that she wasn't breathing. The realization startled her, and that sensation stirred up the haziness, the dizziness, once again. Frustrated, her jaw clenched and she leaned forward, forcing herself to go through the motions of breath. It did nothing for her beyond invoke an odd sort of discomfort, like trying to extend one's elbow in the opposite direction.

Katara balanced on the balls of her feet. Iroh or GranGran would tell her to breathe through the pain, the deep, gutting pain pulsing through her, but that was clearly not an option. She wondered if she could meditate, if it would send her back.

Back. Where did she _go_?

Her legs folded underneath her, crossing at the ankles as her back straightened. The world faded again under closed eyes, and she focused inwards, though she desperately wanted to stand, to explore this place in which she'd found herself, to try to figure out if it was even real. The search for stillness was agonizing, but she persisted, with white knuckles and clenched teeth she held her posture tall and rigid.

"Katara."

The voice was cold, quiet. Not hostile, but firm and absolute. Her eyes snapped open and she looked up, dizzy though she was, to look upon a figure with blurred edges and a strong white light emanating from its core. It was cloaked in thick robes, its body a vaguely humanoid shape with no hair or features. How it was able to speak, she had no idea.

"It's not time yet. You must leave."

 _I don't know how_ , she thought desperately, finding herself unable to speak. She still couldn't bring herself upright to stand, but she shifted her weight forward enough to better meet its would-be gaze.

The figure had no face, yet somehow it managed to look disappointed. "Go home, Katara."

Home?

With a flick of the wrist, the unnamed sent a pulse of energy that knocked her backwards, tumbling in on herself. The light faded from her vision and body relaxed. Though she wasn't holding on to anything, Katara experienced the distinct sensation of letting go.

* * *

"Katara? Can you hear me?"

Her shoulder rolled back, her body jostled, her head bumped something soft and warm. It took her a long minute to find her sight again, feeling her consciousness slowly trickle back in from wherever she had just been. The temperature shift was intense; reprieve from the Fire Nation summer, even for such a brief moment, was welcome, but radical on re-entry. A soft murmur came from the back of her throat, unprompted.

"Katara?"

She blinked, and the world pieced itself back together little by little. Katara sucked in a breath, realizing with a pang of frustration that the dizziness had followed her back here. Clusters of stars danced across her vision, blurring out the face hovering above her own, but she knew his voice too well not to know who held her.

"Zuko?"

"Are you okay?" he asked softly, his left hand gripping her tightly, as if afraid she would fall from his arms. They were on the ground, Katara nestled in Zuko's lap, her head resting against his chest that radiated heat like a furnace. She noticed dimly that his arms were wet. His long hair tickled her cheek as he leaned in, just a degree, scanning her face for any sign that might tell him what had just occurred.

Shaking her head, she closed her eyes again, balling up her fists and pressing them into her chest in a defensive position. Her breathing was suddenly beginning to spiral out of her control, and her heart rate kicked up. She searched his face frantically, terrified, not understanding what was happening. His eyes gave her no reassurance; he didn't know what was wrong any more than she did.

"Can't breathe," she managed between tremors that were rapidly overtaking her.

His grip on her tightened, and she realized that he was panicking too. He did well to hide it, shifting her back onto the hot stone on the ground to lay her flat. Gently, he laid his hands on her shoulders and pressed down firmly. "Breathe with me," he told her, voice commanding but not unkind. "In through your nose," came his gravelly voice, "hold. Out through your mouth. Let go." Over and over, setting a rhythm she desperately wished she could follow.

Katara shook her head at him again. Suki had described something like this to her, once - a panic attack, she'd called it. "I- can't-" she tried, unable to force out more than one syllable at a time. The world was spinning, her lungs slamming against her ribcage as fast as her heart, she couldn't seem to get any actual air from the breaths she took. It was like her short time away - she refused to think about where she'd been - had stolen her very memory of how to breathe.

"Don't talk," Zuko reprimanded her. "Keep your eyes closed." She tensed when she felt his hand wrap around hers; he slipped his thumb into the ball of her fist to pry it open, relaxing it out of its tight grip. Lifting her hand, he held it against his chest over his heart, just above his scar ( _her scar_ , her mind would whisper later). His pulse was rapid, but still more calm than hers. "Deep breath in, hold." He paused, taking a deep breath; it was exaggerated enough she could feel it when his heartbeat began to slow down. Katara poured all of her focus into mimicking him, though her body still quivered.

It took several minutes, but he forced her to breathe with him, getting her heart rate to match his. Eventually the tremors were small enough to work through, though not gone completely. Katara sat up slowly, Zuko's hand behind her shoulders to spot her if she faltered. Giving her hand a gentle squeeze, he slowly released it from his grasp. A small corner of her mind lamented the loss of warmth; the rest of her tried very hard not to dwell on that.

"Thank you," she breathed, her gaze connecting with his.

"We should get you inside."

Her brow furrowed in confusion. "Huh?"

Zuko paused. "Wasn't that why you fainted, the heat out here?"

Katara shook her head _no_. "I..." she stopped, unsure of how to explain it. "Didn't you feel it?" Her voice was almost a whisper.

"Feel what?" he asked. His voice had a slightly suspicious edge, apprehensive.

She pursed her lips and sighed. "I guess not, then. But I don't know how..."

"How what? What _happened_ , Katara? We were in the middle of an exercise, and you just... collapsed, out of nowhere." His voice was agitated, but his eyes bespoke naked worry. The Fire Lord shifted away from her as though he suddenly realized how close they were and wanted to provide her space to breathe, but his gaze remained fixed on her.

"I don't think I could explain it if I tried," she admitted. Leaning away from him a little, she forced in another breath. "I need to talk to your uncle," she said quietly.

Zuko blinked, bewildered at that. "My uncle?" he asked. "Katara, what's going on?"

She rose to her feet, looking away from him, trying to center herself. Feeling a little unsteady, she swayed a bit on the way up, but she rejected Zuko's proffered hand to help her. Her hands trembled as they rose out in front of her; she balled up her fists to bend the water out of both their clothes and hair, splashed onto them from the exercise.

"I don't know."

* * *

Iroh was in his quarters for the night by the time Katara came around, and Zuko walked her back to her room to make sure she didn't have another fainting spell on the way there. Once in bed, the waterbender tossed and turned, too deeply unsettled for her mind to turn off enough to fall asleep.

In reality, there was no question in her mind now. Spirits were pulling her into the spirit world. The ethereal form of herself that she'd seen - it couldn't be anything other than her spirit, outside of her body. She didn't want to believe it, but there was no running away from it anymore.

Did it mean her soul was separating from her body? Was a specific spirit trying to contact her? Whatever it was had clearly wanted her to come here - it was her first dream that had spurred her to leave home, that had pushed her towards the Fire Nation. She'd obviously done exactly what it wanted, and some part of her had hoped that maybe that would be enough.

It wasn't, obviously, but now that she had made contact again, she'd been told that it wasn't time yet. Time for _what_ , exactly?

Katara grunted, frustrated. Who was she to be bossed around by the spirits in the first place?

She found her legs swinging over the side of the bed before she knew it, rolling out a thin mat she'd found in the armoire and laying it down neatly parallel to her bed. The nightdress she was in quickly found its way off her, allowing her to move around freely and unrestricted.

There wasn't enough water in the basin to steam up the room, so Katara would just have to make do without. Closing her eyes, she settled into her stretches, the same ones she had done with Aang years ago when he'd grappled with his insomnia leading up to the Day of Black Sun. Her stresses weren't nearly so intense as they were in those days, but they were wearing her down, and without answers she probably wouldn't sleep much either.

#

She didn't remember falling asleep, but waking was a struggle.

Saori was the one to rouse her, hesitantly shaking her shoulder - Katara wondered how long she'd tried calling her name before she finally resorted to that - and urgently warning her she was going to be late.

Their heads nearly collided as Katara bolted upright, tossing her sheet off of her in a frantic motion. "How much time do I have?" she asked, swaying a little as she tried to stand, feeling a brief headrush.

"About twenty minutes until the first session begins, Lady Katara."

"Crap."

She made it in on time, just barely, feeling heavily self-conscious. Saori had time to help her get dressed, and not much else. She'd splashed some water on her face and put her hair up in a loose bun, but she couldn't help but feel that the look expected of her was something much more polished, more professional. Hopefully no one would pay her much mind, since she wasn't there to participate anyways.

There was a dinner planned for that evening, a small, intimate affair of just the Fire Lord's personal court - Iroh, Mai, Ty Lee, and herself. Mai's friends were not attending, and the thought made her nervous. She'd have no excuse not to talk to Mai tonight, something she'd been more or less avoiding since Zuko had asked it of her. But she owed it to him to try, despite the fact that she already knew it was going to be a waste of her time and effort.

Shaking her head, she focused back onto the matter at hand: this session was to discuss the collapse of some trade routes within the greater Earth Kingdom, between Full Moon Bay and Gaoling. Why this was being discussed with the Fire Lord was unclear for at least an hour, until Zuko finally spoke to make a comment about raising taxes on the colonies to finance a single, formal trade route. The relationship between the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom was much more intricate than Katara had realized. With its continued occupation, with reparations owed, the two nations would be entangled for much longer than perhaps anyone had thought.

She bit her lip. The Fire Nation owed the Water Tribe reparations too. _Both_ of the Water Tribes. Maybe there was no active occupation, but the damages over the last century had depleted them of resources, had killed off so many of their people, had weeded out nearly all of the benders in the South Pole. Iroh had said to be careful with requests for money, but what about cultural exchange?

Her feet twitched and her hips wriggled in her seat, a small seed of an idea forming in her head. Now was not the time nor place to bring it up, but she wished desperately she'd been given something to take notes on for later. There was absolutely no way she was sitting through four meetings a day for two weeks - meetings that, by the looks of it, were not going to have anything to do with her or her people - and not saying anything.

Throughout the next hour, she watched the steady back-and-forth of dignitaries reading reports, defending budgets, making proposals and slow waves of negotiation. It was about what she would have expected, though it was frustrating to watch them never come out and say exactly what they wanted or needed for their city. Her first instinct, left alone, would be to demand a lump sum in reparations from the Fire Nation, accompanied with a long list of grievances. But for the long term, taking a check and walking away wouldn't do anything for rebuilding relationships in this world that so desperately needed healing.

As soon as it ended, she stood and approached Zuko. There was a slightly nervous gleam in his eyes, as though he were having flashbacks to the end of the last session. She gave him a small smile, trying to be reassuring, thought she knew exactly what spot her request was going to put him in.

"Fire Lord Zuko," she said slowly, and she could see how badly he wanted to roll his eyes at her. "I would like to excuse myself from any further meetings that are not related to the Southern Water Tribe." His eyebrow quirked at that, but he let her continue. "I have some pressing issues that need my attention and some planning to do; I'd also like to schedule some meetings with you, formally or informally. My people are not the Northern Tribe, as we've discussed, and as I am the first representative of the South I expect not to be beholden to their customs. We're going to do things a bit differently," she told him, still smiling. Fire Lord or not, she wasn't going to let either him or Iroh be the boss of her.

Iroh leaned forward. "Master Katara, it is not advisable-"

"I understand, General Iroh," she said firmly, though not harshly. "But I expect to be treated with the same dignity and autonomy as any other foreign representative here. I do thank you for your wisdom and advice," Katara told him softly, "but please understand that I answer to no one but the Chief of my tribe."

She was completely spitballing, and she hoped they wouldn't see it. But at the end of the day, whether or not they'd hoisted her into this position, didn't mean that they controlled her. If they didn't like it, she could leave and approach the Earth Kingdom instead. But good relations with another nation weren't going to start with her letting them steamroll over her. If the Earth Kingdom could make requests and demands, she could, too.

She didn't need weeks to learn the game. Judging by the looks on their faces, she was already playing it.

* * *

Dinner was held outside tonight, as today had been an unusually cool day for a Fire Nation summer. Katara could detect a whisper of the scent that came before a steady rain, and guessed that probably had something to do with it. The table was thin, plain wood, like it had been constructed to sit outside of someone's beach home. The chairs had small cushions on them, but nothing nearly as grand as the rest of what she'd seen in the palace. They were seated on a balcony overlooking the city, and were graced with a spectacular view of the setting sun. Zuko and Iroh were already seated when she arrived, along with Mai; Ty Lee, it seemed, was still on her way. Katara helped herself to a seat closest to the railing next to Iroh, across from Mai. The woman barely seemed to notice her presence, or really anything else going on around them; she was staring out into the city, warm hues of the sunset cast across her unreadable face. Zuko was rubbing small circles into her upper back, also lost in thought. Katara gave a small sigh, and decided to worry about her later.

She leaned in to Iroh, who was quietly working on a cup of tea. "Can I talk to you later, after dinner?" she asked quietly.

He turned to her and nodded, looking grim. "About what happened last night?"

Her shoulders tensed and she leaned back, taken by surprise. "Zuko told you?" she whispered.

"He was worried about you," he answered softly.

Katara nodded once, but said nothing. She should have expected this, but was disappointed she wasn't able to tell him the story first - to Zuko, it probably just looked like a random fainting spell, but she knew in her gut it was much more than that.

Ty Lee came bounding up to them a few short minutes later, clad head to toe in mishmash shades of pink. Mostly she'd worn more neutrals and greens since she'd joined the Kyoshi Warriors; this was one of the first times Katara had seen her revert to her circus aesthetic since then. Her hair was also down, and slightly wavy, like she'd spent the day at the beach. She took the seat at the end between Zuko and Iroh, a glass of rice wine already in her hand. "What's on the menu tonight?" she asked excitedly.

Her question seemed to stir Zuko out of his reverie. "Something different for everyone, actually, something for different tastes." Katara perked up at that, her interest in the oncoming food suddenly ignited.

Almost as if on cue, a pair of servers came out with trays, dressed in thin, loose black robes bearing no insignia. Katara's eyes swept over the dishes, hoping for something that was markedly different from the rest.

Iroh's dish was handed to him first - a simple curry bowl with pork. Mai received chili with fire flakes; Zuko, a similar bowl but with a bigger helping of vegetables. Ty Lee had spicy lamb skewers, and Katara, grilled fish with plain rice. Not Water Tribe food exactly, but nothing that would make her stomach hurt, and the fish smelled of seasoning she actually enjoyed. She looked up and met Zuko's gaze, giving him a smile and a look of thanks. Her diet was obviously not the most pressing issue, but he'd clearly noticed her discomfort since she'd arrived.

Ty Lee began chatting Zuko up about plans for the rest of the festival; Iroh was too consumed in his meal for conversation at the moment. Mai, however, was barely eating, staring down her food like it would poison her.

Katara cleared her throat. It wasn't often that the universe put up big glowing signs, but it sure as hell looked like now was one of those times.

"Are you okay, Mai?" she asked softly. "You look upset."

She wasn't sure exactly what she expected - more silence, a glare of daggers, a bored sigh. But it wasn't this.

Mai scratched at her eye, pushing away what Katara was almost sure was a tear. "Yeah," she finally said, the edge in her voice making it painfully obvious her tear ducts were welling up. "I'll be fine." Her tone was surprisingly lacking in malice. She wasn't defensive, or hostile. She was just... sad.

"Do you want to talk?" Katara offered, hesitant. There was nothing less she wanted to do than talk to Mai about her likely nonexistent feelings, but she'd made a promise.

Mai's shoulders seemed to draw in closer to her center; her elbows were tucked in neatly at the edges of her thin frame. "No. But thanks," she said quietly, and to Katara's surprise, she seemed to mean it.

She was more than happy to leave her alone after that; the woman needed space, and the waterbender was happy to give it, though she did wonder what was going on with her, even if only vaguely. Zuko was still taking time to rub her back reassuringly, which was a grander display of affection than anything she'd seen from him since the two had originally gotten back together after the war. Their eyes didn't meet much, but Katara could tell that whatever was going on with her, it wasn't a fight between the two of them, and probably had nothing to do with Zuko at all. A brief thought crossed her mind that it didn't seem coincidental that her friends were not present this evening.

Turning back to Iroh, Katara wanted to ask him for scroll recommendations for the next day, trying to plan an afternoon of research. But just as she opened her mouth to speak, she froze, her blood running cold.

A sudden **_boom_** the distance deafened her. She jumped in her seat, dropping her fork, and she along with the rest of the group turned to look out over the ledge towards town, fear plastered across all their faces.

All throughout the street, people were running frantically in what appeared to be random directions. Screams tore through the crowd like ripples through a pond, echoing and increasing in volume as they clamored towards the palace. Katara stood to get a better view of the commotion over the railing, and Iroh and Zuko did the same. Mai, though not officially on duty tonight, immediately stood with her back to the Fire Lord, arms folded up into her sleeves for ease of access to her weapons of choice. Ty Lee stood back, facing the entrance to the balcony with Mai, arms up and ready for anything that might come their way. She wasn't armed, at least, not to anyone who didn't already know better.

The street in their view ended after a few blocks and branched off into other paths that she couldn't get a clear view of. Around the corner closer to the city center, Katara saw smoke, and the smallest flicker of flames. It took a moment to realize the thunder-like sound she had heard was a cannon.

Another, single shot rang out, and a building frighteningly close to the palace's side entrance - one used mainly only for staff - collapsed, rubble scattering in far-flung piles along the street. Katara she wasted no time staring any longer; she turned around and pushed Zuko back, who'd been directly behind her, urging him to move inside. The guards stationed at the doors were approaching them now, giving him the same directive. Her ears were ringing; she saw Zuko's mouth moving, his eyes bearing down on her, angry, afraid, but she could do nothing but stare. His bodyguards took hold of his arms, and though he wasn't physically resisting, his expression morphed into one of pure fury, and though no one's voices could reach her she knew in the chaos everyone was yelling over one another.

Mai followed them back inside and Katara felt Iroh's hand on her shoulder, coaxing her in behind them. A firm hand slid into hers unexpectedly; looking up, she saw Ty Lee's face, shaken but brave. The acrobat mouthed something lost on her and tugged her along. With a glance behind her to make sure Iroh was coming - the last thing they wanted to do was get separated - she let Ty Lee lead her back in, grateful for the hand holding her steady as she stumbled back. Stars were clouding her vision and she felt, rather than heard, a third strike of the cannon.

 _Don't pass out again_ , she scolded herself, feeling an unsteadiness deep inside herself; now was absolutely not the time she wanted to become an unexpected liability. Katara shook her head and tried to force her vision to focus, noticing suddenly that Ty Lee was not leading them back to their rooms, but in some direction unknown to her. They quickly reached a small passageway that led to a winding, narrow staircase down towards the cellar of the palace.

The last thing Katara heard before the slam of the door behind them was Zuko's voice, not far down the hall, asking a guard something mostly incoherent. There was only word she was able to make out of his frantic shouts, and it shook her to her core.

Azula.


	11. Fire in a Flask

**eleven: fire in a flask**

It was over a week before they were released back into the palace.

The safehouse they'd stayed at was nice enough; relatively old, with creaky floorboards running rampant through the halls and bedrooms, but spacious and warm. The windows weren't large, and they were high up - to prevent anyone passing nearby from identifying the occupants - but they still let in plenty of light during the day. Their beds were surprisingly comfortable; Katara guessed they didn't get used much, and were still in impressively good shape. The kitchen was enormous, even if not well stocked, and Katara and Iroh had spent most evenings together cooking for the group with whatever they managed to muster up. Ty Lee, having never really learned how to cook, watched them curiously, asking occasional questions, offering to help with odds and ends like chopping vegetables. Mai had mostly kept to herself, reading the scrolls kept in one of the unoccupied rooms in the back. When she was present, which was usually only around meals, she was pensive, really only opening up at all for Ty Lee's sake.

When not cooking, Katara killed mornings and afternoons with Ty Lee, listening to stories about Kyoshi training, about Suki. She was her - maybe, hopefully - soon to be sister in law, but she still didn't know her well, and felt a sudden sadness and regret for not taking more time to write or visit. She was sure she'd have more traveling opportunities now, not anchored to the tribe anymore - at least, not physically. Ty Lee spoke with nothing but admiration for her; she was grateful for the second chance she'd been given, especially given the muddy past between the two of them, but Suki had forgiven her a long time ago. "She's so strong," Ty Lee had said, wistfully. "I don't know if I could have done it. If it was me, and someone who'd hunted me down for a while suddenly wanted to be friends... I don't know." Katara said nothing to that. She had had to resist the urge to look up over to the living room at the figure sitting on the couch; she somehow knew, without looking, that he could hear them, that he was staring at her right now.

Iroh had dug up an old Pai Sho set from the same room that Mai had found scrolls to pore over. There were a few missing pieces, which he replaced with little odds and ends from around the house - buttons, pins, and the like. Being the Pai Sho enthusiast he was, though, he drew up a long chart explicitly assigning each replacement a specific corresponding Pai Sho piece. He had convinced Katara and, surprisingly, Mai to play with him on different occasions. Ty Lee didn't have the attention span for the hours-long game when she tried; when they got up for a break, she wandered around to dig through the closets and cupboards around the house to see if anything weird was left over from previous tenants, and Iroh couldn't talk her into sitting back down. Zuko had tried to play a game or two with him, if for no other reason than to simply indulge his uncle, but quickly got frustrated each time and quit playing when it became clear that he was sorely outmatched.

By the sixth day, Katara was bored enough to let Ty Lee practice chi blocking on her, though after just one exercise she deeply regretted that decision and swore off _ever_ doing that again.

Zuko had spent much, if not most, of his time there pacing furiously back and forth, as Katara found herself trying not to watch him more than necessary. She knew he was anxious to do something to help the sweeps in the city. The festival was postponed for now, with soldiers evaluating the security of the city; citizens were on lockdown in their homes, much like their group was here. While Katara did notice that Zuko slept later than the rest of them - finally able to get some peace, even if under duress - his waking hours were steeped in mutters about duty and honor and what the Fire Lord _should_ be doing right now.

After the attack, Katara, Ty Lee and Iroh had been ferried underneath the palace through a series of escape tunnels and made to wait until a safehouse location had been determined. Zuko and Mai arrived shortly after, having been taken out an alternate escape route known only to them and the royal bodyguards. Katara was surprised that they would allow the Fire Lord to share space with anyone outside the royal family while under active threat, but she supposed that Zuko wasn't about to let anyone tell him he had to spend alone time with just his uncle for nine days.

The one person who was _not_ allowed inside the safehouse, no matter how big a fit the Fire Lord threw, was Azula.

The building that had collapsed during the initial attack, Katara only later learned, was where Azula had just recently been moved to. Zuko was visiting her so often that the decision had been made to keep her close to the palace, despite the security concerns, so that it would detract less time from his other responsibilities. She was given a fully furnished, private room in the new building - prison? - and guarded only from the outside of the door, which was apparently a marked improvement upon her previous dwelling. Zuko had described to her what was basically a solitary confinement unit, grimacing as he did so.

Right now, based on the limited information their guards had, she had been moved to another safehouse in the same area, reportedly alone. It had been a long time since Katara had seen the full depth of Zuko's ire; she absolutely did not pity the commander who relayed the news of the decision to keep her in solitary, Commander Reiko, especially when he told the Fire Lord that he flat out refused to transfer his sister here.

"All due respect, Your Highness, Lady Azula is not stable - she is a threat to your security, and to that of your guests."

"She's crazy, right, is that what you're trying to say?" Zuko fired back at him, his golden glare practically daring the man to an Agni Kai on the spot. "She sure as hell isn't going to get any _less_ crazy in solitary confinement, Commander! You _will_ escort her here," he demanded, jaw clenched, hands curled into tight fists at his side. He looked like an animal, on the offensive, a panda-tiger poised to assault his prey.

Iroh, braver than the rest of them, had tried to talk him down. "He is right, my nephew," he told him gently, a hand on his back. "I understand you want her back, but this is temporary, and you will be able to see her soon."

The Fire Lord bristled at that. "You don't understand, Uncle-"

"I _do_ understand, Zuko. My brother is your father," Iroh reminded him sternly, expression grim. "Crazy runs in our family, I'm afraid."

Though essentially against his will, Zuko let the Commander go, and judging by the look on his face, Katara was surprised he didn't send an aggressive burst of flame out the door as the man left.

* * *

On their way back to the palace, Katara noticed an eerie stillness floating throughout the capital, silencing the echoes of their steps. She didn't know if the entire city was still on lockdown, or whether people were just too anxious to leave their homes yet, but they passed almost no one on their entire walk back to the palace. They were disguised, as much as they could be - no matter how heavy a hood Zuko wore, it was still tough to completely mask his famous scar.

It nearly escaped her eye, but lying on the ground beside a trash bin at an empty vendor stand was a newspaper - it was written in an alphabet she couldn't decipher, one of the local languages in the major Fire Nation isles, but there was a drawing on it bearing a stark resemblance to someone she knew she had seen recently. When the realization hit her, her stomach dropped; it was Gatson, the man who'd tried to rob her in the town square.

Katara moved to reach for it, straying away from the group, gritting her teeth when a breeze pushed it further down into the street. She picked up pace, intending to chase after it, when one of the guards chastised her, insisting she stay with the group. Put out, she reluctantly did as she was told, but made a note to ask Iroh or Zuko about it later. She had heard nothing about the man after the incident, after Zuko had decided his sentence. She hadn't forgotten about him, and had intended to check in on Zuko's promise to take care of him, but so little time had passed in which they were not under lockdown that she hadn't even had the chance to ask. What could possibly have happened that would put the man in the news?

But, as burning as her questions were, she was forced to put them aside, at least for the time being.

It well past dark when they finally reached the palace, everyone hot, exhausted and sore from miles of walking through the Capital. Upon their arrival, the guards advised her to move her belongings into Ty Lee's room, stating it would be safer for everyone in the palace to sleep in pairs. She acquiesced without a fight, though her irritation spiked with the men standing watch inside her room as she gathered up her things and an outfit for tomorrow (she would come back for the rest of the wardrobe the next day, being as late into the night as it already was). They let her know they would be stationed outside the door to Ty Lee's room each night for at least the next few days as final sweeps were being conducted. Katara wondered briefly if Zuko ever moved past the annoyance of constant guard, or if it was something you never really got used to.

Ty Lee was thrilled about the new roommate situation; when Katara entered the room, bags in her arms like a child arriving for a sleepover, she saw that Ty Lee had lit some candles and done up the side of the bed that Katara assumed would be hers. She was in a pale green nightdress and her hair was completely down as she brushed it out from the long day.

The acrobat smiled at her as she crossed the room to place her things on the floor between the bed and the far wall. "This is gonna be great!" she said eagerly. "The only nice thing that's happened today. That walk took so long, I feel like I'll smell sweaty for the next week."

Katara couldn't help but smile back, kneeling down to look for the nightdress in her backpack - she hadn't wanted to change in front of the guards in her room, and so was still in her own sweat-drenched dress from the day "Yeah. I really wish I could take a bath before bed, but I just don't think I have it in me." She would have killed for a water source right about then - her canteen, usually at least half full, was drier than the desert. Looking around this room, it didn't appear Ty Lee had been provided with a basin for water. It must have been a special provision from the Fire Lord for her, the waterbender.

"I know you probably want to get right to sleep, but I have to ask you one thing before lights out," Ty Lee said abruptly, facing away from Katara as she changed. Without waiting for a response, she continued, "What is going on with you and Zuko?"

Startled by her question, Katara tripped over the skirt she was removing, caught around her feet, bracing herself on the side of the bed to keep from falling. "Huh?"

She couldn't be sure, but she thought she heard the woman chuckle under her breath. "You two kept giving each other weird looks while we were at the safe house," Ty Lee explained. "Iroh and I both noticed. Did something happen that the rest of us don't know about?"

Katara scoffed at that as she pulled the nightdress over her head. "I mean, it's not like- not like we're keeping secrets or anything. Iroh knows," she said defiantly. At Ty Lee's raised eyebrow, she recounted the training session, her fainting spell, the subsequent panic attack, Zuko's concern and his aid in calming her down. She didn't know if that really fully explained away the looks they'd exchanged - she couldn't put words to what it was that had started bubbling up between them since that day, when she'd reached out to touch his energy. He'd denied feeling anything, but more than a small part of her wondered if that was really true. She also wasn't fully convinced that she had _stopped_ feeling something once the chi connection ended.

She did leave out the bit about the spirits, and her suspicions of having been in the spirit world. That was probably a bit too much for a drowsy bedtime conversation.

"And does Mai know about all this?" Ty Lee asked, her tone not exactly accusatory, but definitely too nosy for Katara's taste.

The waterbender sat down on the bed and crossed her arms. "I don't know, Ty Lee, she's not my girlfriend. Ask Zuko," she told her flatly.

Chuckling, Ty Lee shifted her weight to lie down and pulled the covers up over herself. "I'm surprised she lets you two spend so much time alone together," she mused.

Katara flushed at that, self-conscious. "It hasn't been _that_ much time. We just like to train together. He needs someone besides his sifu to spar with," she said, only a small trace of defensiveness coloring her tone. "And besides - we're just friends. He's saved my life, you know, a couple of times. We'll always be close. I'm sure Mai understands that."

Ty Lee shrugged, and decided to drop the issue for now.

* * *

A few days later, still under heavy scrutiny, Katara was finally able to sneak in some time in the royal library, which was apparently only a few doors down from the Fire Lord's chambers. She'd had to beg and get Zuko to vouch for her before being allowed onto that floor at all, being under a higher level of lockdown than the rest of the palace. Zuko told her he wasn't even allowed to leave this level of the palace right now, and hadn't been given an estimate on when he would be given free range of his own home again.

The scrolls she spent the day flipping through were, unsurprisingly, mostly Fire Nation-centric, though she was pleased at the number of scrolls she'd found about, or partially about, the Water Tribes. Most were of the Northern Tribe, Katara realized with a sigh, taking a small moment of silence to lament the generations of history that had been lost of her people. She spent a rather pleasant afternoon skimming over histories of chiefs, expansion, and cultural development of her tribe. It was just after lunchtime that Iroh found her, bearing a tray of steaming chai tea and a warm smile. The rest of the afternoon passed as a tutoring session; he brought her up to speed with the information he was able to share about the investigation into the attack on the palace.

"We believe at this time that it was Ozai supporters, traditionalists who wish to depose Fire Lord Zuko and restore the former Phoenix King to the throne," he told her, voice grave and quiet. "Ozai is currently being transported to another facility further from the palace. We wished to consult with Avatar Aang on this matter before the transit, as it was his decision to spare his life and imprison him, one that the Fire Lord honored, but due to the imminent threat on Zuko's life we felt it was best not to wait to make this move."

The spoon in Katara's teacup clanked lightly as she stirred, listening in solemn silence. It hadn't occurred to her that Aang might show up at the palace, for whatever reason, and the thought was slightly unnerving. She hadn't written him, nor had he her, and she had no intention of starting now. Forget talking to him in person; just thinking about it gave her a small headache. But Iroh had a solid point. Aang had ultimately decided Ozai's fate by condemning him to life in prison instead of death, and he should bear some responsibility for the way that decision played out in the coming years.

Wasting no time dwelling on it, Iroh moved on to the Fire Nation's latest dealings with the Northern Water Tribe. Zuko had apparently offered reconstructive efforts to rebuild the parts of the city that had been damaged in the Siege of the North, but considering it took very little resources to rebuild and the architecture was unique to the waterbenders living in the city, the Fire Nation had been unable to offer anything truly substantial. Iroh and Zuko hoped that when Nanook arrived some time next week, they would be able to discuss other reparative measures that the Fire Nation could provide as a symbolic gesture of apology and good will. Katara was unsure how successful they would be, as she had been finding herself in a similar position. It wasn't necessarily true that the tribe wouldn't accept anything from the crown, but the question remained, what did they have to offer that the tribe didn't already have, or couldn't provide for themselves?

Iroh had to cut their session a bit shorter than she would have wanted, citing a meeting with their chief investigative officer on updates to the case. She nodded graciously, thanking him for his time and his tea. And it wasn't long after that that Katara felt someone else enter; looking up, she saw another Fire Nation royal sauntering in to the library, looking restless and on edge.

Katara stood and crossed the room quietly, looking for him in the rows of shelves as she hadn't seen where he'd wandered off to. She found him quickly; he was staring at a thin, yellowed scroll on a roll that indicated Earth Kingdom origin. His brows were furrowed, the corner of his lips turned down into a vague grimace. She noticed too a small ash mark on the wrist of his right hand, and wondered if he'd found a way to train while cooped up indoors.

"What's that?" she asked, feeling guilty as she realized she had startled him.

Blinking, he looked down at her, expression still disgruntled. "Stuff," he said flatly, rolling it back up and preventing her from reading over his shoulder (he knew her too well, she thought). "What are you doing in here?"

"Stuff," she shot back. "I thought you weren't supposed to leave your room without guards?"

Zuko sighed. "I convinced them to let me out to this floor alone. Besides, my room is two doors down from here. Hardly a long walk." Apparently deciding he didn't need the scroll in his hands, he slipped it back into place on the shelf.

"What have you been doing the last few days?" she asked, leaning up against the edge of the bookcase. Katara felt some of her hair slip loose from her bun as she did so, and reached up to adjust it.

The Fire Lord cast his gaze away from her, shifting his weight. "This," he said disdainfully, "is about the most excitement I've had since we returned. I've only come out for meals with the rest of you guys before today."

Katara's brows turned up in confusion. He'd been so quiet when she'd seen him lately, she had no idea he wasn't getting out at all - he had decided not to discuss that. "You mean you haven't even been attending meetings?"

He gave her a deadpan look. "Well, you haven't either, if you're asking that question." Without giving her time to defend herself, he pressed on, "My uncle's been attending in my stead. I've tried to be a good Fire Lord by taking a vested interest in everything that goes on, regardless of how small the issue, but honestly, this way is maybe for the best. He has plenty of authority to handle most issues on his own. My time is better spent on other things."

"And you're not going to tell me what those other things are?" she asked pointedly, though with a playful edge to her tone. She felt a fleeting urge to nudge him as a sign that she was teasing, but realized that now of all times was not the best to be hitting the Fire Lord, regardless of intent.

Zuko sighed. "It's... it's a long story."

Katara shrugged. "I'm not busy," she said cooly. "Do you want a study buddy? We could spend some time doing research together this week."

"A _study buddy,"_ he chuckled. "Sure, I guess _."_

"Don't act too excited." She paused for a moment, then crossed her arms and asked, "Why isn't Mai helping you? Where is she?"

This elicited yet another sigh from him. _The Frowny Lord_ , Katara thought, remembering back to Sokka's letter. _He wasn't wrong_. " _Mai's_ movements are not restricted like mine are, and she's not on duty for me this week. She's at her parent's summer home on Ember Island right now," he told her, his voice signaling his desire to end the conversation.

 _She left you here alone while you're under assassination watch_? Katara wanted desperately to ask; it took every ounce of willpower she had to bite her tongue. It was absolutely not her place to ask, and she should know better than anyone how it felt not to want to talk about relationship problems. It was miserable; the less you had to talk about it, the less you had to think about it. Besides, whatever had been bothering Mai during dinner right before the explosion was decidedly not her business, and if it had anything to do with her leave of absence, Zuko was too honorable to share things that weren't his to discuss.

"Wait - so you haven't seen Azula since we got back?" she asked suddenly. It maybe wasn't the best conversational jump, she knew, but if he had been alone for the last few days, maybe he needed somebody to talk to about it. "You must miss her," Katara said softly.

Zuko's eyes immediately fell to the floor, hiding his expression from her. "I don't know what to say to her," he said, voice tight. "The last few times I talked to her, before the attack, she refused to even look at me, and when the bombs went off my guards essentially threw her in prison. I can't... I can't defend that. I should have fought harder for her, and I didn't, and I don't know if she'll forgive me. I don't know if I could even ask her to."

Something tightened in her throat, and she bit her lip. It was like they were back in front of Iroh's tent again - him, a young boy with sins to atone for; her, a child who had just barely defeated her own demons. Except this time, they weren't dealing with Iroh, the wise, caring, forgiving uncle who would take him back without question. This was Azula, who, despite any progress she may or may not have made, was still by nature not the forgiving type. Without thinking, she reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I can go with you to visit her, if you want."

When he finally met her gaze, his golden eyes were glowing, like the dying embers of a small campfire. His features softened, expressing some sense of relief. "I'd like that."

* * *

 **author's note/ author's life update:**

I want to extend a HUGE thanks to all of you for being so patient with me over the last year or so since this story began. I'm excited to announce that after family tragedy, dropping out of college, moving across the country, waiting a few more years to re-enroll, changing schools not once but TWICE _after_ i moved, and changing my major multiple times, i have officially FINALLY graduated with a Bachelor's degree in sociology and social work. This is the main reason updates have been so slow, as i've been working to support myself while in school as well as volunteering on call/overnights for my county's domestic violence shelter, and have barely had time to sleep let alone write. This is the single largest milestone in my life and I'm so grateful to be where I am, and to now have time to devote to doing what I really love.

Everything you guys give me is what has kept me going - reviews, favorites, follows, all of it. I wouldn't have continued to publish without your support, and as always I wholeheartedly value and any all feedback you give me, and I do my best to address specific questions or points of contention in your reviews.

I've also opened a FictionPress account recently to start posting my original work. While I have a lot written, it's not ready to post just yet, but I will be advertising a lil bit once I do start publishing, if anybody is interested in reading any of it. I have posted descriptions of my works on my profile page, if you're interested in previews, my handle there is legendofcora .

To ~celebrate~, i wanted to give y'all a little something, so i present to you a poll. would y'all rather:

-the next chapter is written from Zuko's perspective

-a previous chapter is rewritten from Zuko's perspective and posted as bonus chapter (if so lemme know what chapter you would want)

Let me know what you guys want in the reviews and I will make it happen!


	12. Heirloom

**twelve: heirloom**

 _ **Zuko**_

.

.

.

He didn't know whether to feel relief or remorse for the fact that he'd accepted Katara's offer. He hadn't gone with anyone else to see his sister, though it was not for a lack of trying. Mai had her own, completely reasonable reservations about visiting Azula, and his Uncle suspected (probably rightfully so) that she would not receive him well, and that his attempt might upset her more. Zuko didn't know why she'd taken well to _his_ visits, of all people (if _taken well_ meant _not trying to throw fireballs at him_ ). After all, he was the one who had dethroned her, had pushed her from the edge of sanity she was already nearing and threw her clear off that cliff. And their relationship had never exactly been loving or stable before then, to say the least.

But Katara had a calmness, a steadiness, about her when she needed it, when others needed her. If he was going to face her with this guilt on his shoulders - whether or not it was warranted - he knew needed the waterbender's strength behind him.

The morning of, Zuko found himself pacing the floor relentlessly, hands fisted around Mai's last letter. He didn't have the words to respond to her, even if he had wanted to. Throughout the years that he'd known her, even before they were together, every time he'd tried to find the right thing to say to make her feel better, she iced over, turned him down, made him feel silly for indulging in an emotional response. There was no way to win.

 _Never give up without a_ _fight._

A heavy sigh of frustration escaped him before he finally tossed the scroll onto the bed. He had hoped the whole thing would be out of sight, out of mind, but he was going to have to force that if he wanted to accomplish it.

He was supposed to leave with Katara in about a half hour. Hardly even dressed, Zuko ran a wet brush through his hair haphazardly - with nowhere to be for the last two weeks, he'd gotten lax on his personal appearance. He'd dismissed his personal servant for now, issuing a paid holiday of sorts for his own sense of peace and quiet. He hated to admit it, but having his hair down and partially obscuring his scar every time he passed the mirror was a small relief.

His inner grumblings were cut short with an unexpected knock to his door. His grip on the hairbrush tightened momentarily before he took a breath and set it down, gently. Zuko grabbed a tunic out of his armoire, not bothering even to check that it matched what he already had on, and tossed it over his head in a hurry. He opened the door with slight trepidation, no inkling of who could possibly have come to bother him right now.

It was Katara, dressed in pale red robes and hair done to resemble Fire Nation fashion, if slightly dated.

"You're early."

She gave him a warm smile. "I came to see if you wanted to talk for a little bit before we go."

He sighed; he'd forgotten, in the lapsed years between them, how intuitive she was sometimes. He didn't have a speech prepared, exactly, but to say there were some things on his mind was an understatement.

"How... how _is_ Azula?" Katara asked quietly as he let her inside. "You haven't talked about her much; I haven't seen her since... well, you know."

"Yeah. And she was never really a beacon of mental stability before that, either." Zuko sat down on the edge of his unmade bed with a small grunt. "She's... well, she's better, but not completely," he admitted, running a hand through his hair absentmindedly. "You know, she's still _Azula_ , and I don't think there's really a cure for that." He paused, his brow furrowing as he thought. "Sometimes she'll talk to me, and she _seems_ like she's all there. We'll talk about Uncle, or me, or the country, and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, it's like she just... falls asleep, with her eyes open. She just goes somewhere else, and I can't reach her. She gets nightmares and headaches, too, and nothing I've sent her works."

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Katara's hand twitch toward her right side. "If you want, I can try to treat it," she offered.

He gave her a firm nod. "I can't help but wonder if it's my fault," he said quietly. "It started right after Aang took her bending - it was at the same time we put her in prison, though, so I can't say for sure, but I wonder if that's what caused it."

She gave no response to that, and after a minute, he looked up to see a very perturbed expression on her face.

He pursed his lips as it dawned on him. "You didn't know."

Katara didn't answer, but she didn't need to. He had speculated more than once the reason for her breakup with Aang, realizing it wasn't his place to ask, but this was the first real insight he had gotten into the matter. More questions bubbled up under the surface, but he let it go for now. "Let's head out," he said abruptly, standing up and moving towards the door.

"Even though we're early?" she asked.

"I'm the Fire Lord," he told her, voice flat. "They'll let us in."

* * *

The walk was longer than Zuko would have liked; he hadn't seen the new facility yet, and though it was closer than the interim safe house they had put her in, it was still further than he really wanted to walk. The pair was trailed by two bodyguards, dressed to blend in in much the same way they were, but Zuko could never be sure if they were really fooling anyone. It felt like a giant spotlight was on him, on his famous scar, on his security team, even if there weren't many people out and around to see it.

A comfortable silence settled between the two of them as they walked. Zuko knew Katara had a million questions on her mind; he was beyond grateful that she chose to keep them to herself. His muscles, jaw, and fists were tight, carrying the tension of his anxiety as he played over and over in his mind what he wanted to say. There was nothing he really _could_ say to make any of this better, when really, he should have been fighting harder for her to be released from the get-go. He couldn't say as much to Katara, or Mai for that matter. Azula had hurt so many people he loved that advocating for her felt like stabbing them in the back.

He had always been bad at being good. It was even harder when there was really no "good" answer.

When they finally arrived to the holding facility, Zuko was surprised to see that it didn't really resemble a prison the way he thought it would, the way the last two had. It was mostly just bare brick, with a lone guard at the entrance, unarmed, lightly armored. There were even a few windows dotting the sides of the building; a marked improvement upon the last two. The Fire Nation sigil was carved onto the front door, standard for any federal facility. He didn't know exactly what this had been used for before moving the Fire Princess into its custody - though he probably _should_ know, he scolded himself.

Zuko guessed that Katara didn't know there was nothing to be intimidated about; he felt her shrink slightly, stepping in just a bit closer to him, her fingers brushing his accidentally for just the briefest moment. His pulse quickened at that - though he refused to dwell on that fact or wonder why - though he made no move to pull away. She'd come all this way out here to face the daughter of the most evil man on the planet - Zuko's own status notwithstanding - and he'd be damned if he denied her whatever ease he could give her, especially since she was only doing it for his sake.

They were easily granted entrance, and once inside, they came face-to-face with a small lobby furnished with only a desk and a small, mostly-dead potted plant beside said desk. There was a secretary seated at the desk, eyes poring over a large scroll of which she was barely halfway down. Looking up at them, her facial expression moved from one of bewilderment, to one of recognition, and finally of awe. The woman all but dropped the scroll to stand, her hands coming together into the traditional bow and lowering her head.

"Fire Lord Zuko, it is an honor to meet you," she said firmly. "You are here to see the Princess, I presume?"

"Yes," he said curtly. The woman was older, maybe early 50's, and he hoped that meant she had been doing this long enough she knew to keep quiet about this. With so much uncertainty surrounding the palace, the last thing he wanted was rumors about why he was visiting his sister when she was supposedly involved with the attack on the capital.

Fortunately, she didn't press him for any more information. She led them silently down the corridor and around a few corners, stopping suddenly at one of the doors. Zuko wouldn't have been able to tell this room apart from any other; there were no guards nor signs indicating the occupant within. A small key was slipped into his hand and he gave the woman a nod of thanks as she departed, reaching back to touch Katara's arm - looking for support, he supposed. He immediately felt her small hand on his shoulder, and he took a deep breath. Part of him wanted to look down at her, seek out her gentle smile that wouldn't really have made him feel better, but would have at least confirmed she still had his back. But he knew he was stalling, so he strode forward, slid the metal key into the thin opening above the brass knob, and turned it, pushing open the door.

Azula was, apparently, asleep. Her thin frame was under a sheet on the pallet pushed towards the back corner of the room, all of her thicker blankets kicked off over the edge of the bed. He couldn't say he blamed her for that, what with this intense heat. Next to the bed was a short night stand, a stack of letters on top along with an ink and quill set, though that looked unopened. Zuko's brow furrowed; who was writing to her, and why hadn't he been informed of this?

He knew Katara might judge him for it, and so chose not to look at her before striding towards the night stand to look at the letters. She knew him too well, though, and grabbed him by the elbow before he'd even taken a full step. He sighed, looking at the floor before casting his gaze towards her. She gave him a small, wordless shake of the head, pursing her lips.

"I need to know if it's one of the rebel groups," he said defensively, his voice barely above a whisper.

"They're screening her letters, right?" she asked, her tone the same as his. "You would know. Let her have her privacy."

His shoulders slumped, defeated. She must have known she won as she let go of him. It was still going to bother him, though - who would be writing to her? Uncle? Ty Lee?

Mai?

Shoving that thought aside, he freed his arm from Katara's grip and moved to stand by the side of Azula's bed, reaching over to give her shoulder a small shake. She stirred almost immediately, and Zuko wondered whether she'd really been asleep. It took her a minute to open her eyes, blinking a few times, before she rolled over to look up at her brother, eyes slightly red.

"Hey," he said, wincing internally. He knew how awkward he sounded, but, what else was he supposed to say?

Azula immediately pulled away from him, scooting over towards the wall as she sat up. "What do you want?" she asked, and Zuko noticed her voice was slightly raspy. _When was the last time she talked to anyone other than herself?_

He didn't get a chance to answer her, though. Her eyes darted behind him and widened as she registered Katara's presence - _huh, maybe she really_ was _asleep before -_ and her lips curled into an angry snarl. "And what is _she_ doing here?"

Zuko couldn't help but notice that as hard as Azula was trying to play it off as angry, her tone only bespoke fear.

Katara said nothing, though he knew intuitively that her hand was on her waterskin, at the ready in case of trouble. It was unlikely they would need that, but considering their history, she had every right to be defensive.

Deciding to push past it for now, he said gently, "I'm sorry I didn't bring you anything today. I'm putting in an order for more scrolls for you, so you have new books to read. Do you know what you want me to get? I can even loan you some from the library if you want." His hands tightened into small fists and released, an odd urge to reach out for her passing through him. That would get him nowhere.

To his dismay, his sister ignored him completely, baggy eyes still glued to Katara. She remained silent, back still pressed flat to the wall. Her thin, slightly malnourished body fell entirely still, but the expression written on her face told him everything he needed to know - she was reliving the last time she saw her, reliving the single greatest failure of her life.

The waterbender took a step forward, now only a pace away from the bed. "Hi, Azula," Katara said, and Zuko would have been remiss to say he wasn't relieved that she sounded just as awkward as he had. "Do you remember me?"

"Of course I do," Azula snapped instantly, her voice an icicle shot through the dark. Her hands were balled up in the thin white sheets that were still bundled up around her, her fingers clenching and releasing and clenching into fists again. "You are the only one who's ever defeated me. How could I possibly forget?"

To her credit, she remained unfazed - outwardly, at least. "I know that I haven't exactly been a friend to you before," Katara said softly. "But your brother loves you, and I'm here to help both of you however I can." She asserted her confidence with another step forward, now standing at Zuko's side. Her shoulder brushed his as she shifted her weight, and he felt a small wave of gratitude to feel her closeness and her resolve. Before Azula could cut in with another spiteful remark, she twisted her seal waterskin around so that it was forward-facing, holding it up for the former firebender to see in the dim light. "Zuko mentioned you've been having some migraines. I can try healing you, if you'd like."

What Azula did next was bizarre - she opened her mouth and made a sound that was somewhere between a hiss and a scream. It was as if she'd momentarily forgotten she could no longer bend, like she was trying to spew flames from her windpipe as she had done years ago. Her body jerked forward in a similar movement, too, and Zuko took it upon himself to pin her back to the wall, mostly for Katara's sake. Katara had jumped back half a step, her body braced as if for a strike.

"Azula, I need you to calm down," he told her, voice firm and loud. He wasn't sure if she could hear him over the sound of her own scream, but he was unwilling to cover her mouth with his hand - partially because it felt wrong to restrain her even this much, and partially because he didn't trust her not to bite him. He repeated himself the moment she took a breath, and her glare finally shifted from the waterbender onto him, but to his great surprise, she obeyed.

"Maybe I shouldn't have come," Katara said, so quietly he wasn't sure he had heard her correctly. Once he felt certain Azula was not going to scream again, he let her go, then turned to look at his companion.

"I've been waiting for you to come, peasant."

The words had come before Zuko could even open his mouth.

Pressing forward without giving either of them a chance to speak, she said, "I didn't know defeat was possible. Not for _me_ , at least. I've spent the last three years wondering if any of this is real, if _you_ were real. I couldn't believe it. I refused to believe it, until I confronted the person who did this to me."

In what seemed like gut instinct, Katara began to offer up an apology, to which she was harshly cut off.

"Do not apologize," Azula barked. "Apologies are for the weak, and you clearly are not." She thought for a moment, lifting her chin. "I want to duel you again. No assistance, not from my brother or anyone else. One-on-one, and then we'll see if you can still get away with your clever little tricks."

Katara tried her best to hide her frustrated grunt, but ultimately failed. "You're in no condition to fight," she reminded her evenly, referring both to her lack of bending and her poor physical shape. "And even if you _could_ , that wouldn't do you any good."

"And why not?" Azula demanded.

Hands now on her hips, Katara replied, "Because victory won't help you overcome your fear of defeat. Learning humility will."

The princess may not have been able to firebend anymore, but with the heat of her glare, Zuko might have assumed otherwise had he not known better. Watching the exchange between the two women was vaguely terrifying, due in no small part to what had happened the last time they were in a room together. Almost like a reflex, he reached up to gently massage an aching spot in the center of his chest.

Finally, Azula leaned back, closing her eyes in dismissal. "You sound like Iroh," she said flatly.

Katara crossed her arms over her chest at that, annoyed, but did not deign to respond. She shifted her weight back, giving Zuko an opening to take back control of the conversation. He did so with a deep breath, kneeling down by the bed to meet Azula at eye level.

"I'm sorry I left you alone in here for so long," he said quietly, voice raspier than usual. "I wanted to come visit you after the attack - to explain what was happening. I..." he paused, frowning. He _what_? He wasn't allowed? There was no one on this earth who had true authority over him. Who was there to forbid him from doing anything? "It wasn't safe for me to leave," Zuko finished weakly. "But I got here as soon as I could." A small silence lapsed between them; the Fire Lord found himself wishing he had brought her some food, or tea. Some sort of peace offering to ease the tension, if only a little. "I know you hate being alone, even if you won't admit it. We both do."

"You know nothing," she spat at him, eyes glassy. Azula turned her head away suddenly, closing her eyes and biting her lip. A brief thought flashed through his mind that she might be holding back tears, though doubt washed that away almost instantly - he had never seen her cry before; there was no reason to think she would start now.

"I know I have a new lead on Mom," he said gently, causing her to look at him again. "Once the lockdown is over, I'm sending out a team to-"

"Stop!" she yelled, sitting up again. A real, undeniable tear slid down her cheek, and Zuko was stunned into silence. He felt Katara still behind him, too, which meant he couldn't have been imagining it. Her eyes glowed in the dim light, boring straight into his."Enough, Zuko! You won't find her. No one will. She would have come back on her own by now if she was still alive." Her voice broke on the last syllable, all pretenses of composure slipping away.

Zuko's stomach turned; he'd thought the same for a long time now, and hearing it out loud certainly didn't make him feel any more hopeful. "You don't know that," he whispered, hating how weak his voice sounded even to his own ears.

"Are you trying to make me feel better with this?" she asked, her tone acid. "What am I supposed to do if you do find her, Zuko? Mother never loved me anyway, so thank you kindly for reminding me every time you come here."

His jaw clenched in anger. "Whatever you think Mom felt," he told her sternly, " _I_ love you, Azula. That's why I'm here. Even if you don't believe me."

He had fully expected her to scoff at him, ignore him, turn away, swear at him, or any combination of the above. But just as he thought he might receive some emotional rebuff - a reaction of _some_ sort - she did it; it was as though she turned off, her face and eyes glazing over, her body falling completely still. It was as she sometimes did, that her mind withdrew, signaling that she would not be pressed for anything else.

Katara stepped forward, and Zuko felt her warm hand on his shoulder. "What happened? Should I do something?" she asked, her voice taut. He looked up at her, knowing full well that defeat was written all over his features, and was about to tell her that their time was up for today, when something happened that froze them both.

"Hello, Katara," came an unfamiliar voice, chilling and inhuman. The Fire Lord turned in the direction of his sister, whose mouth was slightly open, eyes open and unblinking. When the voice spoke again, he was horrified to see that its source was Azula. "The time is coming."

The hand on Zuko's shoulder tightened, her fingernails gripping into him with a sharp pain. "We should go," she whispered, an urgency to her words that was hard to miss.

"What?"

"There's no time - I'm leaving," she said with an air of finality, panic still tracing her movements. Katara let go of him and backed away suddenly, her face paling ever so slightly.

He stood and felt his right arm automatically extend out in front of her in a protective instinct. Azula was leaning forward over the edge of the bed now, face down toward the floor, her small hands braced against the mattress. Her shoulders were quivering, almost imperceptibly, and Zuko did not care to stay and find out whether it was from tears or laughter.

The pair nearly barrelled out the door, and Zuko's hands shook as he fumbled for the key the woman had given him upon entry. As he finally got it locked, he paused for a moment, listening; whatever was going on with Azula, it had stopped, or at least fallen silent. He peered down at Katara, still pale, hugging herself tightly. He moved them out of the hallway, if for no other reason than to just be a bit further from her door, and stopped again, allowing them a minute to catch their breath.

As he looked down at her, he felt a strong, foreign urge to take her into his arms to comfort her. The waterbender was shaking, her stare a thousand miles away, clearly terrified by what had just happened to them, to his sister. He didn't know why, but the feeling angered him even further; Zuko bit his lip and took a step back from her, searching for anywhere else to look but at her. A golden lantern on the wall across from them caught his attention, the flame flaring up with each aggravated breath he took.

"Katara, what the hell? You look like you saw a ghost."

She lifted her chin towards him. Despite his attempts to resist her gravity, his eyes met hers, and he could not move.

"You have no idea," she whispered.

* * *

 **author's note:** hello friends! this chapter was a risk - not so much for the actual contents, but what it sets up. Azula is about to play a role that many of you might disagree with - which is totally okay! - but even though it might push the limits of her canon characterization, i think it's an interesting avenue to explore for the entire Fire Nation royal family. once we see more of her, i will give some explanation as to why i've decided to go that route (and why this chapter is titled as such), but I don't want to give away too much just yet.

i've spent the last few days recovering from wisdom tooth extraction, so if there are more typos than usual this time around please excuse-moi and let me know so i can correct them!

please share thoughts, comments, concerns, criticisms, etc. !


	13. Revelation

**thirteen: revelation**

"Please, Katara."

He was close to outright begging now. The trip back to the palace had not been the semi-comfortable silent stroll that the outgoing trip was; she knew he was terrified of what they had just witnessed, of what was happening to his little sister, of Katara's own reaction. But she had reasons for not wanting to share what she thought she knew. It was too much to explain, and she wasn't sure exactly how much she wanted him to know right now. She didn't really want _anyone,_ with one sole exception, to know what was going on.

"Let me talk to Iroh," she said, again, agitation creeping into her tone. "I just - I don't want to say anything until I talk to him about it."

The frustrated clenching of his jaw was almost audible in his words. "Katara, she talked to _you._ If you know what's happening to my sister, I need you to tell me," he said, all but demanding it of her.

She stubbed her toe on a rock she couldn't quite see under her billowing red skirt, lurching forward just a bit and immediately feeling Zuko's hand on her elbow, holding her steady. The waterbender shot him a grateful glance, annoyed with him though she might be. "That's the thing - I don't _know_. I have an idea, but I don't know for sure." The words tasted like lies on her tongue; she wouldn't have been able to forget that voice, not after a hundred years. She knew what she had heard.

Katara also realized that Zuko knew she was full of it.

He dropped, begrudgingly, knowing that his stubbornness was only outmatched by hers. His unease continued to grow, though, and she felt waves of anxiety coming from him despite how well he managed to keep it outwardly hidden. Whatever was going on with them recently - their seemingly innate sense of the other's emotions - was too much for her; she felt dizzy, unable to cope with more than her own disquiet right now. She stopped, forcing him to stop as well; he looked down at her quizzically.

"I think I'll meet you back at the palace later."

"What?"

She shook her head. "I need to think. I'm going to go get some tea and head back afterwards."

He shifted his weight uneasily. "You promised me you wouldn't go out alone," he reminded her, his lips set in a firm line, obscured by scraggles of facial hair that he hadn't bothered to shave since before the attack. The sun was setting behind him, casting a strong orange glow over his strong features.

 _Damn him_. "Just this once?" she hedged, crossing her arms low across her waist.

The Fire Lord shook his head. "Please don't," he murmured. "I..." he paused, looking away. "I'd feel better if you didn't."

He was right, and she was mad about it. Now was possibly the _worst_ time for her to be wandering around on her own. "If I stay with you, will you promise to stop asking me about it for now?"

With a hard grit of his teeth, he nodded, and took up pace beside her once more.

#

Iroh was wrapped up in some meeting or another when they got back; he agreed to send for her when it was finished, and she meandered back to her room to wash up and think on it alone before asking his advice. When she arrived at her room, though, she saw Ty Lee busy working through some stretches on a mat near the door, apparently having nowhere better to be right now. A small glass of water sat near the corner, half empty. Katara sighed, carefully sidestepping the warrior and her beverage and sat down on the edge of her bed, facing away from the door as she took her shoes off.

"Hey!" Ty Lee piped up, her head poking out from under whatever convoluted contortion she had worked herself into. "I didn't expect to see you back here so soon."

Katara had forgotten she'd told her roommate where she was going. "It didn't go well," she murmured, shrugging out of her borrowed, sweaty Fire Nation dress and into a clean one of her own. She had a small stack of clothes out on a desk that sat in a small inlet in their room, not having sufficient storage space in the room for both the womens' belongings. Ty Lee, in her determination not to live as part of a 'matched set,' had a vastly colorful wardrobe that went for miles.

"Well of course not," Ty Lee said simply, with as much of a shrug as she could muster in her position. "I mean, did you expect it to?"

She had a point.

Reluctant to say anything else about it, she stood and crossed the room to the desk again and opened its lone drawer, pulling out a few scrolls she had taken with or without permission from the library (she'd bring them back, eventually) and moved the folded clothing atop it over to the bed. Once the desk was cleared, she lit the tall, skinny candle that sat in the corner and pulled out the plush black chair.

"What are you working on?"

Katara's dark, lithe fingers rotated through the scroll and picked up where she had last left off in the library. "I found the last witten record from the Southern Tribe. It was the year that the war started, just a few months before."

Ty Lee was quiet for a minute, ruminating on that. "It's really been that long?" she asked quietly.

"Yes." Katara's voice was hoarse, lined with muted sorrows. "It was from the Chief at the time. I think he was my great-grandfather, Chief Kirsuk. He was responding to Fire Lord Sozin, he'd requested military aid but it sounds like he didn't specify for what." A small shiver ran through her; with the tribe's close proximity to the remote Southern Air Temple, she could guess easily enough what he'd wanted it for. She could only be grateful that Kesuk had appeared to decline the request. The thought that her tribe could have played a role in the decimation of Aang's family and his people was hard to swallow.

Judging by the fact that Ty Lee didn't press on that, she figured the other woman probably guessed it as well. "Did your dad ever talk about this chief?"

"Only a little bit, and I didn't know his name before now. My dad was gone for most of my childhood, though, so I didn't get to hear as many stories as I would have liked." She adjusted the parchment again to read further down the next section. "I think his grandfather died when he was pretty young, and _my_ grandfather died a little before I was born." She paused, feeling the corners of her lips tug upwards. "I was usually more concerned with why my GranGran didn't settle down with a nice man, since her husband died when my mom was a kid."

A soft chuckle floated towards her from across the room. "What else does the letter say?" she asked, moving into a pose that was strikingly similar to one of Katara's own favorite stretches, inspired by a particular waterbending form.

"Not much else. He was very wordy - probably didn't get a whole of of letters from the Fire Nation, or many other people besides the Northern tribe. He just goes on for a while giving reasons for declining and trying to persuade him not to use military force unprompted. I wonder if he knew what was going on. I didn't really get to learn much history from anybody besides my grandmother, but as far as I know, the world was basically at peace before the strike against the Air Nomads. It's pretty gutsy for Sozin to have announced his plans like that. He must have really counted on our distance to work in his favor."

"Well, nobody tipped off any of the Air Temples, so he was probably right," Ty Lee said flatly, then ducked her head, embarrassed. "I'm sorry, that probably sounds harsh, coming from someone in the Fire Nation."

Katara shook her head. "No. It's honest." She stopped for a moment, unraveling the scroll the rest of the way and skimming down the page. "It doesn't talk about anything else. No mention of the Air Nomads, so Sozin probably kept that part secret." A sigh escaped her chest, and she felt her shoulders curl inwards a bit. This job was going to be more tiring than she had suspected, and maybe a little more painful.

An hour or so later, knock on the door pulled her out of her head. She blew out the candle on her desk and grazed past Ty Lee, now lying draped over the edge of her bed with a book in hand, finding a young boy carrying a summons in his hand outside. "For you, Master Katara," he piped, holding the thin parchment up into the light for her to see.

Offering him a smile, she accepted it. "Thank you. I'll be there soon."

#

Katara had really, really been counting on Iroh's calm and composure. And to his credit, he was more composed than she had been. But his face was white upon hearing the details of Azula's apparent possession.

"It was the same voice, General. Whatever spirit spoke to me the other day, when I fainted in the courtyard. It spoke to me through Azula." She almost felt like she was going crazy at this point. If Zuko had not been there to witness it with her, she might've admitted herself into a cell beside his sister.

What she still didn't understand was why these things were happening to _her_. She hadn't often heard of spirits contacting humans (or, you know, harassing them) besides the Avatar, or people like Iroh, who had made a point to travel to the spirit world on his own. What did she have that they wanted? Her dream, way back home, had almost felt like a warning. Were they trying to tell her something? Had they warned her about the dangers in the Fire Nation? If so, why where they still communicating with her? Was there something worse on the horizon?

Iroh was quiet for a very, very long time. His face was set in a deep, worried frown, his eyebrows furrowed together and his eyes closed. The worst part was that his teacup had essentially remained untouched sitting between them on the low table; when did Iroh ever let his tea grow cold? She wondered if he was meditating, but meditating people didn't usually look so perturbed.

After a long while, he let out a deep exhale and looked up to meet her eyes. "Azula withdrew from any contact with me when she was a child," he said quietly. "I did not know her well until after I returned from my siege on Ba Sing Se.

"You see, after my time in the spirit world, I had gained an ability to see certain spirits when they are present in our world. Not every spirit wants to be seen, of course, but may are indifferent. Only a few days after my return from the war did I notice one in close proximity to my niece - she could not have been more than nine years old. Her affectation was quieter than usual, though she was also hostile to those who spoke to her. Initially, I wrote it off as a fluke. I did not imagine she could see that spirit, or that it had anything to do with Azula herself. But that was not the first or only time I have noticed an unusual spiritual presence around her."

Katara felt her mouth hanging open, if only barely. "Do you think she... she summons spirits? Or talks to them?"

The general shook his head solemnly. "I do not know the nature of her relationship to the spirits. I had never considered that she _had_ a relationship with them. I admit, I was not a great or kind uncle towards her during her childhood. I did not take the time to get to know her or care for her the way I did for my nephew." He paused, his fingers stroking the length of his gray beard as he sometimes did when deep in thought. "Spirituality does not come easily to my side of the family. However, Zuko is not the only living descendant of Avatar Roku. Perhaps she inherited some spiritual talents or connections from him through her mother."

The waterbender took a deep sigh. "No wonder the girl lost her mind. I mean, being Ozai's kid can't be easy, but spending your whole life seeing things no one else sees... I can't imagine," she said softly. Her feet began to feel numb beneath her; she adjusted her position on the cushion she sat on to a sort of side-saddle stance, her sky blue skirts tucked carefully under her legs.

They had chosen his tea shop to meet, mostly for the sake of getting out of the palace. It was closed, of course; they were the only two occupants in the building. It would be much harder to sneak up or spy on them, as the city was still all but dead asleep, still afraid to venture out much. Katara sensed that couldn't last much longer - people had to make a living, and losing over a week's worth of work was a large loss to suffer.

Iroh had brewed exquisite ginseng for them, one of Katara's favorites. The teacup was small and wooden, but trimmed with gold, nods to both the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom, from which Iroh had gained much inspiration for the design of the shop. Greens, blacks and golds were the main color scheme that ran through the room; Katara couldn't help but note that they went together well. Red was an intense, passionate color - she didn't mind it so much anymore - but it was still nice to get a break from it, however brief.

The general nodded solemnly. "Indeed. She has always been a troubled young woman, though she hid it well for many years. Perhaps it is time I pay her a visit myself."

Katara's eyes went wide. "I don't know how much good that would do. She's... well, she's not all there, anymore. Zuko's been trying to get through to her for years."

Another nod, another sigh. "I understand, Master Katara. However, she will not recover without the love and support of her family." He paused, looking grim. "I owe it to her now to give her what I did not before."

She supposed he was right. Still, she wasn't ready to go back there, at least not yet. "You shouldn't go in there alone." She paused, gritting her teeth. There was one person who could help him, who could control the situation better than anyone else if the spirits were involved. Katara's stomach rolled. She hadn't eaten dinner, given her nerves about the situation, and the anxious response was audible to both of them. She flinched inwardly, both embarrassed and tense.

Taking a deep breath, she declared, "I'll send for Aang."

* * *

Late that night - very late, almost too late - Katara found herself hovering near Fire Lord Zuko's bedroom once again, feeling weighed down and tired this time. She'd wandered aimlessly around the palace after talking to Iroh, or at least, so she had thought. But her arrival here felt inevitable, as though her feet knew where they were taking her, even if that secret had been kept from her conscious mind.

Her knuckles raised up to rap on the solid, textured wood, only the smallest bit timid about it. She was surprised how quickly he answered, considering the late hour - the door cracked open just enough for him to peer down at her with his scarred eye.

The door slid open much wider as soon as he recognized his visitor. "Hey."

His usual smiles and soft eyes were nowhere to be found tonight. "Hey," she replied hesitantly.

Zuko paused, shifting his weight awkwardly from one foot to the other. "What are you doing here?" His voice wasn't unkind or harsh, but perplexed.

She ducked her head, suddenly feeling a bit embarrassed. "I noticed you were in pain, earlier. Your lightning wound," Katara explained, gesturing vaguely to the offending area. "You were holding it like it hurt when while were visiting Azula." When he didn't respond, she pressed, "I wanted to ask if I could help you. I brought my waterskin," she offered, twisting it around to hold it up between them.

She heard a small sigh escape him, and her shoulders tensed up, preparing for rejection. _This was a dumb idea. He would have asked if he wanted help._

But after only a brief moment of awkward silence, he spoke up. "Yeah," he said, so quietly she wasn't sure she heard him correctly. But when he stepped out of the doorframe to let her past, she gave her own small sigh of relief.

"Where do you want me?" he asked, strolling towards the enormous, red silk-swaddled bed after he swung the door almost to a full close. She motioned toward the bed and pulled out a large padded chair from the nearest corner of the room. He acquiesced, sitting on the edge then lying down flat to give her easy access to the area she needed.

"Thank you," she breathed. "I know it sounds silly, but... I never really forgave myself for not spending more time with you in the infirmary. I should have been the one healing you." She sat down on the chair, scooting forward so she could lean over him well enough to see what she was doing. "I'm sure your physicians did a great job. But I always felt like I just abandoned you afterward," she admitted, her voice hardly louder than a whisper.

"You don't have to be sorry, Katara. You kept me from _dying_. I don't think I could have asked for more than that." He tried to play it off like a joke, giving her a halfhearted chuckle, but she knew how tense the subject was for both of them. One didn't willingly sacrifice your life for another lightly. It was certainly something _she_ wouldn't ever forget.

He loosened the tie at the center of his tunic to reveal her first up-close look of his scar since the day it happened.

It was still brutal. It would absolutely have killed him had she not been there to heal him as immediately as she had; he'd taken the shot almost straight to his heart. The deep red scar tissue didn't take up that much estate on his skin, though the surrounding pink tissue spread almost halfway down his abs. By all rights it didn't _look_ like it should still hurt. Especially as years had passed and the skin had regrown to the best of its ability, it should have been old news by now.

"How often does it bother you?" she asked, her tone as warm and even as she could muster. It had been a while since she'd healed anyone, and her game face wasn't exactly well versed.

Zuko gave her a small shrug. "It's been worse lately," he admitted. "More stress, I guess."

She gave him an understanding nod. Slowly, she pulled the water from the skin at her side and gloved her fingers in the cool liquid. Concentrating as hard as she could, the water began to glow, and she lowered her hands until the rested just above his chest - enough for the water to make contact, but her dark hands remained suspended. He sucked in a sharp breath as the temperature of the water gave him a small startle, but quickly relaxed, forcing himself to take a deep breath. It had likely been a long time since he'd had anyone treat it, and had maybe forgotten what it felt like.

"Where is the pain the sharpest?"

"Right here," he responded instantly. His hand raised up to touch the spot, right in the center, unintentionally placing his hand beneath hers. His skin was warm and soft, she could tell even through the water that encapsulated them both. She felt his gaze on her for a moment, but when she looked up at him, he pulled away and averted his eyes. A flash of heat ran through her that she tried desperately to ignore.

Whatever connection had formed between them was all but burning right now. She knew sith a sudden guilty rush that she should not have come here, she should not have offered, she should not be in the room with him right now. Her cheeks burned, and it took every ounce of strength she had to focus on his wound instead of dropping the water and running out the door like a scared little girl.

"Katara-"

She couldn't let him finish that thought. She didn't want to hear it, didn't want to have to face it. "This won't take long," she interjected. Her tone was firm and cold, and she felt posture shift to lean away from the firebender. Her grasp on the water faltered for the most fleeting of moments before she caught it again, hoping and praying dearly that he hadn't noticed.

The pair fell into a dead silence after that, letting the weight hang in the air between them. Though she hated to admit it, she was wrong - it was a good twenty or so minutes before she felt it was okay to finish. Each time she thought she'd made progress on the knots of energy she felt twisting around his core, she found another cluster of pain and tension close by that demanded her attention, that was likely tugging on the others around it.

Clearing her throat, she finally sat back, tucking away her water in one clean motion. "You need to talk to someone. I'm happy to do healing sessions with you but that won't help as much as talking through whatever is going on. Your stress and negative emotions are triggering old pain, and all I can really give you is pain management. Waterbending won't cure this."

He didn't respond immediately, instead choosing to close his eyes and turn is head away from her. She wondered briefly if he was falling asleep, but she knew there was still too much pain radiating from his wound for him to be getting any sort of rest right now. It would settle down within the hour, but unless he was bone-tired there was no chance of him nodding off until this passed.

Finally, he let out a long sigh. "Thank you. I owe you for today." He turned his head back to face her, and looked like he was trying to find a smile to give her, but ultimately failed. "Did you talk to my uncle?"

So quick to get to the punch. "Yes," she said briskly, the corners of her lips turning downwards into a frown. "We'll talk about it tomorrow, okay? It's going to be hard enough for you to get any sleep tonight as it is."

"I won't sleep any better not knowing."

Katara pressed her lips into a tight line, frustrated. "I... I don't know what to tell you," she admitted to him, crossing one leg over the other in her seat. _Might as well get comfortable - we're going to be here for a while._ "Do you remember the day I fainted? In the courtyard?" He lifted his chin in the affirmative, and she pressed on, "Well, I don't really know how to say this, but... whatever we did, it sent me to the spirit world."

His amber eyes widened at that and he immediately sat up, clutching his wound as he did so, though almost absentmindedly. "What?"

She shook her head, looking down at her feet, then up at him again. "I know it sounds crazy, but I've talked with Iroh about it a few times, and that's the only reasonable conclusion we've come up with." She avoided mentioning _why_ she was meeting with Iroh - she didn't want to look completely inept and out of touch - as well as her first interaction with the spirit world, the one that had sent her to the Fire Nation to begin with.

He blinked, staring at her intensely. "I... don't understand."

"I don't either."

Zuko pressed his hands together, wringing them as he fell into deep thought. "What does this have to do with Azula?" he finally asked, seemingly unsure of where else to go from there.

Her voice was small, timid. "You're not going to like what I have to say."

Golden beams burned a hole through her. "I don't care."

 _Just pull the bandage off all at once._ "Your sister can see and talk to spirits. She was possessed by the same spirit that sent me back from the spirit world when I went there a couple of weeks ago. That's why she still isn't better, and that's why I ran away."

He fell so still, Katara was worried she'd sent him into shock. Her palms burned as she itched to reach out to him, to shake him, to make him look at her, though her mind instantly recoiled from the impulse. What was going on with her lately?

"Zuko?" she asked, forcing herself to snap out of it. "Zuko, are you okay?"

Instead of giving her any semblance of a response, he stood abruptly, pushing past her and bolting towards his closet on the far end of the room, away from the door. He all but ignored her as he snapped a small flicker of flame at a sconce on the wall adjacent to the closet, illuminating his frantic search through bins of belongings. Katara rose to her feet and followed him, hugging her own thin frame as she watched with bewildered blue eyes. "Zuko, what's going on? What are you doing?"

"Hold on," he called gruffly over his shoulder, tearing through clothes and scrolls and mementos and... who knew what else. Most of it appeared to be random trinkets, things she was surprised he kept in his room instead of in an actual storage space elsewhere in the palace.

Her eyes fell over a small pair of shoes - boys shoes, most likely for a ten or eleven year old, and her heart stirred, wondering who had given them to him and what reason he might have for holding on to them. She hadn't realized he was so sentimental - he didn't talk about his past much, and she had just assumed he must be done dwelling on what was done. But there was a significant chunk of his life she knew little or nothing about; his childhood, his mother, his family life before her banishment. He'd spoken of it around her only once, on Ember Island, when the world was on the eve of rebirth. Her lips burned with the questions she suddenly wanted to ask of him, but held her tongue, nails pressed into the palm of her hand to force restraint.

Silky black hair whipped around as he suddenly came back to face her, though his gaze was trained on the parchment in his hand.

"What's that?"

Again, he didn't answer her, at least not directly. Instead, he paced away from her, and began to read aloud.

 _My dearest Azula,_

 _I love you. If you know nothing else, know this. You may never believe it, though for that only I am to blame. I am only now seeing the curse you have inherited from your blood, and I dearly wish I had seen it sooner. I never wanted to leave you in your father's hands, especially now, not in your state of mind, but please understand that I have no other choice. I will pray for you each day I am gone, and I know your brother will look after you. I hate for you to be alone in this, but you must know that you can never speak of it anyone. No matter how much you may distrust me, I know you understand the danger. You are my smart, brave little firebender, and as long as you keep your eyes open, you will know where to find me._

The waterbender stared at him, her heart sinking slowly down into the floor. "Your mother?" she whispered.

His face was ashen. "The morning after she left, we found this in Azula's room," he told her; he sounded as though his throat was closing up, and she wondered if he was close to tears. This day had put them both through the wringer. "I always thought she was talking about Azula's bad temper. After the comet, I thought maybe she knew that Azula was destined to have a breakdown."

Her eyes widened. "She knew that she was seeing things," she realized, her hand coming up to cover her mouth as it hit her. "She knew that she inherited a spiritual gift from Roku. She was trying to warn her."

"Katara." He was nearly choking now. Zuko stood face to face with her, and his hands were suddenly gripping her shoulders. "My mother is in the spirit world."

* * *

 **author's note:**

SO. Big reveal. Not the last one, either.

Honestly, the comics do not jive with me, for many, many reasons. The biggest reason is this: the entire _world_ was at war for over one hundred years. The war suddenly ends, the entire _world_ is gonna be talking about it. They'll be talking about the new Fire Lord, the new regime, the concession of Fire Nation colonies back into the Earth Kingdom, etc. etc. etc. So like, tbh, i really don't care how small or remote Ursa's new island home is, she's gonna find out that Zuko became the Fire Lord pretty quickly. Like Azula said in the last chapter, if Ursa was still around, Zuko would have heard from her by now. The fact that _The Search_ poses this like it's even a question is pretty ridiculous, imo.

I'm not gonna give too much away just yet about the circumstances that led to her being in the spirit world. HOWEVER. I do want to say that I definitely consider Azula's "hallucination" of Ursa in _Sozin's Comet_ not to be a hallucination at all. Azula, I think, wondered whether it was real, but being forced to keep a secret your whole life that involved seeing things that other people don't, whether real or not, is a lot for a young girl to handle, especially when she was already well on her way to breaking down just from the pressure that Ozai put her under.

ANYWAYS, I'm rambling, sorry for posting this at midnight on a Sunday but hope y'all enjoyed it anyways xoxoxoxoxo


	14. Tides

**fourteen: tides**

Katara's heart was hammering so fast, so hard, she could feel it in her throat. As his grip on her loosened, she shifted back on her feet to lean away from him, looking down and closing her eyes as she tried to process. _Lady Ursa is in the spirit world?_ "How do you know?" she asked, the words a tremble on her tongue.

"You heard her letter," he said flatly, clenching it back up in his fist as his hands fell away from her. "It wasn't a metaphor. She told her - she told _Azula_ \- that she would know where to find her. She never said the same to me."

Realization dawned on her as his words clicked together in her head. "Because _you_ wouldn't. That's why you haven't found her yet." He was absolutely right, and she knew it. Another pause elapsed. "How will you get to her?" Because he would, now that he knew he _could_ , there was no question. He would find her, or die trying.

The Fire Lord tossed the letter on the desk against the wall and sat back down on the bed, his head falling into his hands as he leaned forward. His long hair scattered around his shoulders, tangled and disheveled. "I have no idea," he said, defeated.

The solution came to her quickly, though with it came the sensation of a hot knife twisting through her gut. "Aang can help." She did not mean for the words to come out as ice, but cold they were. "I told Iroh I would send for him. I was going to ask if he could talk to your sister. He might be able to guide you into the spirit world. Maybe he can find her himself," she added. She couldn't say she loved the idea of Zuko going there, especially after what Iroh had told her about the damage a trip like that could cause.

Zuko looked up at her, puzzled, a whisper of trepidation on his features. "I didn't know you guys were still talking."

Katara pursed her lips, arms coming up to cross over her ribs and hug her midsection. "We're not," she admitted. "But he's still the Avatar, and we need his help. You won't be able to do this on your own."

"You don't have to do that, Katara," he said quietly. "I can write to him if you don't want to."

Immediately she shook her head. "No. I need to. I wanted to badly to prove that I can be good at this job - I can do something as simple as requesting aid for my good friend and ally, the Fire Lord," she told him, a small, comforting smile toying with her lips. "Besides, this involves me too. I need answers about the spirit world too. And, as much as I might hate to say it, there's no one better in this world I could ask."

* * *

Ambassador Nanook's ship docked the next day, and it took an entire day after that for the Royal Guard to grant him clearance to enter. Katara didn't believe they really suspected him of any involvement in the attacks - the entire time she had been in the Fire Nation, she'd never heard one mention of suspicion of either of the Water Tribes - but she supposed they could never be too careful.

The man was shorter than she might have guessed, and balding quite severely for a man of his age - no more than 40 years old. He looked thin, almost gangly, leading her to guess that their politicians did not engage in the same military training most of the rest of their citizens had had to during the war. It certainly didn't garner him any respect, at least not from her.

Upon meeting her gaze, he raised his hand to shake hers, though when she reached for it, she found his grasp oddly loose, like he was afraid of hurting her. She restrained an eyeroll, her hands coming back to her center and clasping together. "It's a pleasure to meet you," she said evenly, her expression so placid she was sure she looked bored.

The man gave her a look she couldn't fully comprehend, and deigned only to respond with a nod.

Gritting her teeth, she said, a little louder, "I am Katara, the Ambassador of the Southern Tribe. I believe you were called here to meet with me."

He almost got away with the look of surprise that flashed across his face before quickly re-cementing his composure. "It is an honor, madam," he said, and his voice was almost like nails against flint. Grating, unnecessary. Too loud.

A flash of irritation jolted her, though she forced a smile. "Fire Lord Zuko should be here soon to greet you, and have you shown to your room. In the meantime, I'd like to set a time for us to meet. How long will you be staying?"

She'd barely had a chance to finish her sentence before he began speaking. "I will have one of my men send for you after I've settled in," he said, his eyes barely gracing her with a half-second glance. There was a shuffling of noise over and to the right of the room, announcing Zuko's entrance. It left them no further room to speak, or for her to assert herself, and she bit the inside of her cheek, furious at the timing. She suddenly wished she was back home, dressed in her long fur coat, with woolen mittens in which she could hide the clenching of her fists.

Nanook turned away from her almost instantly, facing the Fire Lord and falling into the traditional bow of the Fire Nation. His men mirrored him without missing a beat, and Katara felt her face flush, suddenly feeling immensely awkward. Not only was she being outright dismissed and ignored, she had no idea what was appropriate here; she had never bowed to Zuko in her life, and if she'd ever even given it thought, she would have said she'd had no intention of starting now. But she couldn't dare be the only one not bowing, or she would face whispers, shame, contempt, or worse from the Northern Tribe. Stifling a deep sigh, she fell begrudgingly into a bow beside the man, hoping against hope that Zuko wouldn't bring this up later.

"Please rise," Zuko announced. They did so, and Zuko tread down the steps with his hand outstretched to shake Nanook's. The ambassador returned the gesture firmly, maintaining solid eye contact and betraying no mistrust, though Katara was sure it was there, even if buried. The Northern Tribe had not been silent about their misgivings of the true intentions of this new regime in the Fire Nation, and maybe rightly so. Though they had arguably suffered the least during the Hundred Year War, they had known no other enemy for several generations. No one left alive in the tribe remembered a time when they were _not_ at war.

"I appreciate your coming here, Ambassador." He lifted a hand to gesture towards Katara, who stood behind the man, if a little awkwardly. "Master Katara is a personal friend of mine, and I trust you will see to it that she receives whatever she needs to be successful."

With Nanook still avoiding facing her directly, she couldn't see the expression on his face in response to Zuko's words, but his tone was plenty telling. "Of course, Fire Lord Zuko," he said coldly, a slight emphasis on the name.

Katara could only imagine the panic that the North had been thrust into when they found out that their sister tribe was being represented by a woman - one with ties to the Fire Lord, no less. War hero or not, it would take much more than a summer for an entire culture to change its ways and core beliefs. It must have been an extra sting to realize her young age, and that she was a person of consequence, not someone who could easily be dismissed. The Fire Lord would not tolerate it, of that he surely knew.

Zuko offered to lead him to his chamber personally, and, seemingly recognizing the great honor of such a gesture, Nanook did not - _could_ not - refuse. Looking over his shoulder, Zuko indicated to Katara he wanted to speak to the man alone, and to that she didn't know if she felt irritated or relieved. As much as she needed a cool-down before attempting to interact with this guy again, she did not need him to take care of her.

But before she even had a chance to decide whether she wanted to fight it, Iroh swooped in seemingly out of nowhere, offering his arm for her to take and escort her out of the palace entrance and deeper inside. It was almost lunchtime, and her reflexive guess was correct as she saw him lead her to his favorite dining room. This would be a meal for just the two of them, as much as she had hoped otherwise.

This was going to be a long few weeks.

* * *

A full day had passed, and Katara had received no summons from Nanook. It was Ty Lee who had talked her out of breaking down the man's chamber door and water whipping him back to the North Pole. As a result, she found herself taking out her frustration on the now-crumpled drafts on the floor, letters to Aang that she would never dare actually send, but felt cathartic to write down all the same. Names she would never really call him, stories she need not bring up again, arguments long passed that made no difference now, but that she still wanted to win.

After tossing out nearly the tenth scrap of parchment, Katara fell down onto the bed, staring intently at the pile next to the foot of the desk she'd been hunched over for an hour. Not for the second or third time, she felt a fleeting wish that she could draw flame from her fingers and incinerate all evidence of her cruelty, that the words could melt away from reality as quickly as she felt them melting away from her heart. She didn't _want_ to say any of those things, not really. The longing inside of her was not to fight, but just to be seen, to be heard. She supposed that somewhere along the way, she'd mixed those two things up in her head, and was now left to untangle the mess alone.

But she had to try again. Truly she had not meant to sit down and put her spite to paper; there was a real, pressing need to get this letter out to the Avatar as quickly as possible. But for the life of her, she could not muster up the words nor the strength to call on him.

Twenty minutes later, she had tracked down Ty Lee and dragged her out of the steam room, clothes only half-on, and plopped her down on the bed. The warrior looked a bit dazed, as though she'd perhaps spent too much time in the heat, yet also a little concerned.

"Why do you need my help with this?" she asked, and rightly so. Katara, master of prose in hope and inspiration, the great speechmaker, was at a loss for words?

The waterbender let out a heavy, frustrated grunt. "Because every time I try to write this damn letter, I get sidetracked. I need you to help me focus. Please," she added, almost as an afterthought.

Ty Lee made a soft humming sound, her long lashes prominent against her pale skin as she closed her eyes. "What does your letter need to say?"

Katara opened her mouth, then closed it again, stopping her pacing midstep. She realized suddenly that she didn't know how much Zuko wanted anyone else to know - she hadn't asked him. She didn't know what Ty Lee knew about Azula, if she had seen her, if she knew how bad it really was. There was one thing she definitely did not know, which was crucial to her understanding of the situation at hand.

"So- uh, well. Aang and I... broke up," Katara told her awkwardly, the words falling in a jumbled mess out of her mouth. Her arms came up to cross over her chest, a bit self-consciously.

A tilt of the head, furrowing of eyebrows. "And?" Ty Lee asked after a momentary pause, seemingly expecting her to say something more.

"You don't seem... surprised," Katara said hesitantly.

She shrugged. "I heard Mai ask you about it, but, guess I didn't realize you were even still together after all these years. You guys were _kids_ when you got together," she explained, leaning forward a little on the bed. "You haven't mentioned him, and he's not here with you now - I figured if you were with someone, they'd be here with you."

Katara paused for a minute, absorbing that. She had believed the whole world still thought of them as together - hell, she'd been asked about it by a complete stranger at dinner on her first night here. _The Avatar's wife_. Not likely. "Well, either way, we're not together anymore, but it just recently happened, right when I left the South Pole. So it's still a little fresh." She looked away from Ty Lee, eyes drifting to the pile on the floor, still untouched. "I need to ask for his help with something. But every time I try, I get so angry I can't focus."

The woman gave her an understanding, sympathetic nod. "What do you need his help for?"

"Zuko needs him here, to help with the investigation of the attack." Ty Lee quirked an eyebrow at that; the woman was too perceptive. Even without saying a word, Katara knew she could tell there was more. There was a faint taste of blood as she bit down on the inside of her lip just a fraction too hard. "And... there's other things. Avatar stuff. Spirit World stuff," she told her with a dismissive hand wave, hoping that would be enough for her not to press further.

An unnerving silence passed; when Katara looked back up at Ty Lee, the color had drained from her face. "Why?" she asked, though her voice was such a low whisper it was difficult to hear.

The waterbender cleared her throat. "I can't say much," she told her. "It involves other people, and I can't speak for them. It's too much to even put into the letter, really. I can't put it to paper if there's a chance it will be intercepted." She was exaggerating, if only a little. The only real danger was making Azula's condition public, but that was no longer the primary purpose of calling for Aang's help.

Katara thought she heard a small, frustrated grunt, but couldn't be sure. "Okay, then." Her lips twisted up as she thought for a moment, her eyes wandering around their shared room. After a minute, she stood, arms out in front of her as if she was holding up a large roll of parchment. "How about: Dear Avatar Aang-"

"I can't say that," Katara cut her off almost immediately.

Ty Lee's shoulders drooped a bit, deflating. "Why not?"

"I can't address him as ' _Avatar Aang_.' It sounds so... cold."

A brief pause. "Okay, then, 'Dear Aang'?"

Katara shook her head. "That sounds too warm."

"How about just...'Aang'?"

She blinked, processing her suggestion, then nodded. "Just 'Aang' is good."

Lifting her chin, Ty Lee straightened her back, getting into the zone, and started again from the beginning. After another half hour of as much back and forth, Katara walked away with a letter that was almost, if not exactly, perfect.

 _Aang:_

 _On behalf of Fire Lord Zuko, I request your presence in the Fire Nation as soon as possible. There has been an attack on the capital by an unknown threat, which is currently under investigation by the Fire Lord's royal intelligence. He also requires aid in other matters, ones relating to the Spirit World. Please know that I would not call you away from your other affairs if the situation was not dire. Any help you can bring us would be invaluable._

 _-Katara_

It still sounded too formal to Katara, but that was really the only way she felt she could come across without being demanding, angry, or cold. Professionalism was a safe, neutral option. Still, she couldn't bring herself her tack on her title in her signature - she would never be "Ambassador Katara" or "Master Katara" to him, just as he would never be "Avatar Aang" to her.

Ty Lee watched with a quiet intensity as Katara rolled up the letter, taking care to tuck it in tightly, and slid it into the tube, her knuckles white as they gripped it. Ty Lee had offered to take it in for her, but Katara refused.

She was going to have to get over this eventually.

* * *

Katara woke the next morning abruptly, an insistent knocking at her door. Ty Lee, it seemed, had already risen for the day - Katara slept later than everyone else in the palace, apparently - and so she hastily grabbed the robe she'd tossed at the foot of her bed the night before and threw it around her shoulders. A young boy, a palace servant, stood with a summons in his hand, holding up for her eagerly, wordlessly.

Her nimble fingers unwound it quickly, sure it was from Nanook. A thousand thoughts raced through her head, mostly of uncouth comments she knew she'd have to keep to herself. But to her surprise, the Fire Nation sigil was placed squarely at the top in a golden-colored ink - this was from the Fire Lord himself. The letter gave her little to go off of aside from a time and place to be, which she would have to rush to as it was less than an hour away. There was nothing in regards to why her presence was requested or who else would be there, but she supposed she would just have to trust him. Besides, with the way it was worded, she suspected this was not merely a request.

With five minutes to spare, she opened a door leading out to a sort of side-stage area adjacent to the courtyard before the palace entrance. There were others here, most of whom she recognized from the meetings she had attended and the dinner event on her first night in the country. Though, this crowd was hardly all of them - she had heard that dignitaries had fled in droves after the attack. She was surprised that even this many had chosen to stay. Katara herself might not have, had she anywhere else to be.

None paid much attention to her, as they all seemed to be whispering amongst themselves. She was glad she wasn't the only one who had no idea what to expect; most of what caught her ears was quiet speculation about what this announcement could be. The word _war_ left more than one pair of lips, and each one sent a shiver down her spine.

Her entire life had been spent at war. She didn't know if she could survive another.

Katara shook her head, and located an empty space to the edge of the group were she could stand alone with her thoughts. She couldn't get the best view of the courtyard from this angle, but she'd still be able to hear just fine.

They weren't left to wonder too long. Zuko quickly made his entrance, flanked by what Katara felt was an excessive number of guards on either side. Iroh was nowhere to be found, a thought that sank heavily in her stomach. _Stop speculating. This could be about anything, you don't know it's something bad_. It was hard to imagine this could be about anything _good_ , but who was she if not the queen of optimism?

The Fire Lord cleared his throat, and silence fell over the crowd like a tidal wave over the shore. He lifted his chin, a determined look chiseled into his features, and lifted his posture into one of confidence.

"I thank each and every one of you for joining me here so early in the morning. I know that these recent weeks have been a strain on you and your families, and so I will not take any more of your time than I must." He paused for a moment, clearing his throat. "I know that many of you have been afraid to leave your homes or reopen your businesses. I know you have suffered losses because of this. While I cannot repay your lost time, I want us to stand together in this moment and take back control of our lives, of our great capital." His eyes scanned the rows beside him, the politicians and nobles who flanked the pavilion who watched him with tense eyes and trepidation in their hearts. "The Midsummer Festival was informally placed on hold after the attack. I am here to announce that the festivities will conclude with the Midsummer Ball in three days, held here at the Fire Nation Royal Palace. All are welcome and encouraged to come - no matter your class, rank, your name, this event is open to the public. I personally ask all of you to come, drink, and be merry, to be free of the terror that our enemies have tried to reign us with. We will not live in fear, but rather, with open hearts and joyous laughter."

 _He definitely didn't write this speech on his own,_ Katara thought with some amusement. She felt a brief flash of validation, like her optimistic side had been proven correct, before it was quickly overtaken by a new wave of worry. _Wait - why is he doing this? Who thought this was a safe idea?_

Iroh, came her first thought. But strangely enough, she could also see Zuko planning this of his own accord. He wanted nothing but the best for his people, to see them live their lives to the fullest.

* * *

She had still received no word from Nanook, had not seen him around the palace, was not even convinced he was still in the country. He could have packed up and left in the middle of the night without her knowing - it was unlikely that the Fire Lord would have allowed it without at least talking to her, but the more time that passed without spotting hide nor hair of him, the more she began to wonder. She was already on the edge of declaring herself entirely independent and asking his ship to sail out in the morning; this blatant disrespect gave her more than enough justification in doing so. She didn't want to look like she was ungrateful, or arrogant, but she was also not beholden to anybody who refused to give her the time of day.

When Saori came into her room late in the afternoon to tidy up, Katara suddenly pulled out a sheet of parchment, without even really realizing she'd decided to do so, and started drafting up a summons. He was going to meet with her tomorrow at 9am or she was going to consider them unallied.

 _Dad would be disappointed,_ came a brief, whispering thought. Her hand slowed over the page, and she closed her eyes. She had made so many rapid decisions on behalf of her tribe, ones she maybe wasn't even authorized to make, but somewhere along the way she had decided it was better to ask forgiveness than permission. And with the transition of the chiefdom in the South - a "hot potato" situation maybe a more accurate description - there was no real, formal authority to consult. Hakoda was so checked out of everything related to the Water Tribe that it felt pointless to ask him. And Sokka was too wrapped up in his drama with Suki; he was unlikely to have much to say about this. She was on her own, for better or worse.

Opening her eyes once more, her hand move determinedly across the parchment and finished her summons. She read it back to herself aloud, decided that it struck a good balance between polite and firm, and quickly rolled it up.

"Saori, could you please do me a favor?" she asked, eyeing the girl who was stretched over Ty Lee's bed, attempting to make heads or tails of how badly the acrobat had tangled up the sheets into the blankets… into the pillows… into the pillowcases… which had at some point been removed from said pillows. Laundry day had always seemed to be Saori's least favorite day of the week, and Katara suddenly understood why.

Saori, seemingly grateful to drop the massive tangle of fabric for now, slid down off the tall bed and approached Katara the desk. "Yes, Master."

Katara held up the letter and placed in the girl's hand. "Will you please deliver this to Ambassador Nanook? As soon as possible. Don't tell him it's from me," she added, hoping he was dense enough not to figure it out on his own until he read it.

With a nod, she was off.

* * *

"I can't believe this."

Iroh had come, at her request, as she had - correctly - guessed that it would just be the two of them come morning. It was nearing 10am, and Katara couldn't believe that Iroh had even managed to convince her to wait this long, yet he was insisting that she give him a few more minutes.

Iroh placed a hand lightly on her shoulder. "Change comes like the tides, Master Katara," he said softly. "It ebbs and flows, and while high tide will eventually come in to sweep everything away, it is on us to wait patiently for its chosen time. It will come when it needs to."

She bit her lip, resisting the urge to throw his hand off her shoulder. "I'm a waterbender. I'll change the tides if I want to."

The general chuckled, and stepped away from her. "I know it is difficult to be met with dismissal. All you can do is be a person worthy of respect, and others will either choose to see it, or not." He paused. "You made a very wise move today. When you inevitably cannot make peace with your sister tribe, it cannot be said that the fault lies with you. I would suggest that you make another attempt, or even two more attempts, before you give up."

A sigh escaped her lips without permission. Was it so obvious? She had said nothing about giving up, but it was likely written on her face, in her body language. It didn't help that he knew she was resistant to this whole thing to begin with, but she had thought she was presenting a good game face.

She stood, straightening her skirts and lifting her chin to meet Iroh's eye. "I won't wait any more today; I have other things I need to get done. But I'll send another summons for tomorrow."

The twinkle in his eye told her he was proud of her. She wondered briefly if he was neglecting his nephew in being here with her, but she couldn't honestly say she would have done anything differently even if he was.

True to her word, she sent another summons for the next day, and the day after that, with no appearance or even a note from the Ambassador explaining his absence. It was the day before the ball, and she knew she couldn't publicly cut ties with him until afterwards - if only to spare herself the awkwardness - but what she could do now was take her rage and frustration out to the courtyard to throw ice daggers at trees.

Which is how she found herself now caught in an awkward conversation with Mai.

The Fire Lord's girlfriend had taken a book to sit under the shade and enjoy a quiet morning - a morning that Katara had, unknowingly, rudely interrupted.

She suddenly felt oddly embarrassed about her state of undress, something didn't normally feel around other people, like her brother, or even Zuko, but she found herself wishing she had grabbed a coverup. Mai was dressed lighter than usual, considering she was sitting out in the sun in the middle of a Fire Nation summer. Katara realized she'd never seen the woman's arms before as she looked down and noticed a large, intricate tattoo covering her right arm, from her wrist up past the edge of her cap sleeves. She wondered if it went up to her collarbone, unable to tell now since her dark red dress included a turtleneck.

Mai peered up at her with a hand raised to shade her eyes. "What are you doing?" she asked, voice as monotone as usual.

"I didn't mean to disturb you," Katara apologized, her hands clasping together behind her back. "I was just… well, to be honest I was trying to work through some frustration about something."

To her surprise, Mai raised an eyebrow and gave her the smallest, most infinitesimal of smiles. "Frustration? Tell me about it." She rolled up the novel in her hands and looked down at it for a moment, in thought. "You came out here to waterbend?" she asked, without looking up at her.

"Yes," Katara answered, blinking. What was she getting at?

"Would you mind if I joined you?"

It was Katara's turn to pause, confused and in thought. "You… can't waterbend?" she asked, feeling dumb, like she was missing something.

"No," Mai chuckled. "I mean, I could use some target practice."

After a half beat of hesitation, Katara smiled.

* * *

 **author's note:** so sorry for the delay in this chapter! a lot of bad life stuff happened right after i posted the last chapter, things that made me reconsider the directions that i wanted this fic to take. the dynamic here was set up for bad behavior and potential cheating, and while that story is a part of life that deserves to be told, i realized that that's not how i want this one to go. so some structural changes for further down the line had to be set up, and honestly i had to step away from this for a while to do some healing. but i am still fully committed to this love story that i've had in my head since the series ended in 2008.

i hope everyone is safe and well in quarantine during these coronavirus times, and that this chapter brought some relief to shelter in place boredom. please leave some comments!


	15. Syncopation

**fifteen: syncopation**

It started as whispers, then murmurings. The murmurings quickly became full-fledged stories, and then they were practically shouts, until suddenly the entire palace was up in the white hot flames of rumors.

The Fire Lord's lady had left him.

Katara couldn't remember where she'd first heard it, or from whom. She didn't remember what she was on her way to do, or why. But she did remember the way her heart lurched in her chest, grinding her body to a complete halt, and that the sensation was frightening.

She'd heard it so many times now, it was all anyone could talk about. The servants, the other nobles, she had even heard a few of the guards talking about it when they thought no one could hear. Sure, there had been trouble in paradise before, that much everyone knew. But never had it caused this much commotion - and it seemed it had never been so permanent.

Her head was spinning, distracting her from her latest tiffs with Nanook. _This shouldn't matter,_ she thought, biting the inside of her lip. _It's none of my business_. Still, it was hard not to wonder what had happened. Ty Lee had alluded to this not long ago, but they had always been so on and off, and back on again. Why would she leave him now? Especially when he was at most vulnerable - how _could_ she leave him right now?

She thought back to her healing session with him a few nights ago, the tension flowing between them, the boundaries she'd tested, the secret he'd trusted her with - one he maybe hadn't shared with the woman he supposedly loved. It'd be hard blame him if he hadn't.

"Katara?"

It was Ty Lee, holding a small plate of snacks out for her, an offering. Katara suddenly realized she had no idea what time it was, only that she'd spent more time than she could recount hunched over this scroll. The light pouring in through the windows was a warm gold, fringed with orange and red, meaning the sun was beginning to run away for the evening. She scratched at the back of her head and pulled her hair loose from her bun, sighing.

"Are you okay?" She set the tray down at the seat adjacent to Katara's, pulling it back and sitting down gently beside her. "You were supposed to have dinner with me, remember?" She didn't so much sound hurt at having been forgotten, but rather more concerned that her friend was suddenly so distant and hazy.

 _Friend_. Katara supposed they were friends, now. She certainly didn't have another word for it.

"Yeah," she said slowly, her fingers toying with the hem of her sleeve. "Thank you," she added quickly, "for the food. I'm sorry I forgot." She couldn't answer for her absence, and so she simply didn't.

Ty Lee sighed quietly. "I should probably tell you - it's not true," she said, the words a small pinprick on Katara's skin. "Mai left to go home to be with her parents again, and she's not coming back until things have died down. But they didn't break up." She tried to deliver the news gently, Katara could tell, her tone soft and meek.

The waterbender felt a surge of feelings just then, like the walls of a dam were crumbling down, but oddly enough the first coherent emotion on her mind was relief. Quickly on its heels, though, was a creeping sense of dread.

 _It's time to keep your distance._

The thought came from nowhere, but she knew immediately that it was true. She turned to Ty Lee, blue eyes wide and sad. "I'm glad," she declared. "He doesn't deserve to be abandoned right now. I was so angry when I thought she just up and left him," Katara told her, and the words were true. "I want him to be happy," she whispered, still also technically true.

Her stomach churned with the rest of the sensations that came behind the first two, and those she knew she couldn't face right now. It wasn't the time nor the place, and besides, on the other side of them awaited only pain. She was only just starting to work past the aches that had settled inside her from her empty relationship with Aang, and all she wanted right now was some damn peace.

Ty Lee said nothing, but held her hand.

* * *

The universe seemed to love laughing at her almost as much as it loved laughing at her brother.

Saori popped in and out of their room in less than a minute late that night while the pair of women were getting ready for bed, a strange look on her face that Katara couldn't quite parse. The girl set a thin scroll down on Katara's desk without any words or eye contact, though she made sure to set straight the red ribbon that tied it together. Her footsteps out the door were all but silent.

Ty Lee shot Katara a puzzled look, to which the waterbender merely shrugged. She crossed the room from her bed and picked it up, her eyes flicking across the parchment once, then twice, then a third time, her heart beginning to hammer in her chest. When she finally looked up at her roommate, she couldn't hide the panic written across her features.

"What? What's wrong?" Ty Lee asked, nearly launching herself across the wooden floors over to her friend in blue.

Katara shook her head, eyes falling back down to the letter in her clenched hands. "Nothing's... wrong... exactly," she tripped over the words. Rather than explaining, she let go of the note, placing it in the acrobat's hands wordlessly.

It was almost amusing the way Ty Lee's face mirrored her own.

 _Dear Katara,_

 _It looks like I'm without a date for the ball tomorrow, and so I'm writing to ask you to accompany me. This is just a request, as a friend - you're free to say no, and I understand completely if you do. But, I would enjoy your company, and I hope your answer will be yes._

 _-Zuko_

Before Ty Lee could even open her mouth, Katara cut her off. "I _can't_ , you know I can't. There's no way."

"Why not?" she demanded, hands on her hips.

"I just…" trailing off, Katara gritted her teeth, pressing her fingers to her temples. How was this even a question? She began listing off the reasons on her fingers. "Mai will be furious. She already hates me. He can't take a woman who's not his girlfriend to the event. Everyone will talk about it, people already whisper about me enough. People don't know I'm not with Aang anymore-"

"And it's about time to announce it, isn't it? The guy has a planet full of women lined up to throw themselves at him once they know you're out of the way. Stop being selfish, woman!" She said it jokingly, but Katara suddenly felt a bit guilty. _He could be happy with someone else. I_ should _just let it go._

Seeing her sigh, Ty Lee continued, "And besides, all the rest of your reasons are excuses. You know you want to. You know _he_ wants you to. He's a big boy, he can make his own decisions, and deal with the consequences on his own. You don't owe Mai anything."

 _No, but I owed it to Zuko to try to get along with her._ Their shared sparring session, though at first gave Katara hope, wound up awfully silent and distant. Katara had trained her way, Mai hers. They'd shared a few glances and a couple words of mild appreciation for the other's talent, but hardly anything that could pass as conversation. "I still don't like the idea of gossip," she tried, ducking her head. It was flimsy, and she knew it.

"People are going to do it whether you make waves or not. Might as well give them something to talk about."

An inordinate amount of time was wasted that night, poring over what to write him in response. Finally, just before midnight, Katara called Saori from her rooms - hating to wake her, but recoiling at the thought of arriving alone at the Fire Lord's bedroom in the dark. Again.

The note she had settled on, after so many hours of hand-wringing, was simple. No fluff, nothing to be read into, nothing to betray her tangled mess of emotion.

 _Yes._

 _-Katara_

* * *

Before she knew it, she was dressed up finer than she'd ever seen herself before - even finer than the night she and Toph had dressed as Earth Kingdom socialites during the war. Her hair was completely down besides her signature loops, twisted together in the back and disappearing into the thick curls held up on thick sprays of salt water. Ty Lee told her that it wasn't something they did in the Fire Nation, since most Fire Nation women didn't have hair texture like women of the Water Tribes did, but one of the palace stylists had been experimenting with a few ways to highlight her natural beauty.

The dress she had ultimately settled on was a deep red, the color of blood. The cut was modest enough around her cleavage, but hung off the shoulders, not that anyone would well be able to tell with the thick mess of hair that fell down nearly to her waist. The material was satin, softer than anything Katara had ever laid hands on. The sleeves were open in the front and fell past her wrists. A pleat fell straight down the front of her skirts, and the dress sat secured by a thick strip of fabric folded across her waist and tied squarely in the back. It was an odd piece, with hints of Fire Nation origins but definitely inspired by outside influences. She felt it suited her best, aside from her own Water Tribe pieces, in that it was enough to blend in but different enough to mark that she was not one of the Fire Nation nobles.

She needed more than a little nudging from Ty Lee to make it out the door, but the warrior was right behind her, herself decked out in lush greens and brilliant golds. The woman was Fire Nation by birth, but she'd taken the Earth Kingdom into her heart and made it her home. Katara was struck by how beautiful she looked in colors that had not always been her own. She was even more struck by the heads they turned as they arrived, flush with embarrassment.

Zuko had asked her to wait near a side entrance, telling her she'd know it when she saw the excessive number of guards stationed nearby. Ty Lee let her go once they found it, and she was left feeling anxious and alone as she waited.

 _This was a mistake. I shouldn't have listened to her. It would've been better to say no._

She didn't have long to stew in her regret. Before she knew it she saw the guards straightening their backs just a little taller, squaring their shoulders and turning their heads down the long hall to the right. Following their gaze, she saw another set of guards surrounding what could only be the Fire Lord.

They parted to allow him through as they approached the entrance into the ballroom. He almost always looked well-kept, but tonight he was absolutely regal. Down to the set of his jaw and the ramrod posture he held, to every last hair tucked neatly into place, to his freshly shaven face, he was a glowing example of fine nobility. Katara suddenly felt downright embarrassed at her own appearance, wondering why in the world her hairdresser had thought that her mop of a head was elegant enough for an event like this, and to be seen standing beside someone like _that_.

Surprising everyone in the room including her, Zuko dipped his head to her and gave her the traditional Fire Nation bow. Her cheeks were up in flames as his face rose again to look her in the eye. "Thank you for coming," he rasped quietly, giving her a small smile.

If he and the guards couldn't hear her heart banging against the confines of her chest, she would be shocked. "Wouldn't miss it." She tried her damndest to return the smile, though she was positive she just looked like a nervous wreck. Her hands moved into the thick folds of her skirts to knead anxiously at the fabric, but before she got the chance, he moved a step closer to her and offered her his arm.

The party had been underway for some time already; the Fire Lord typically did not make an appearance until at least halfway through. He told her he'd heard it was going better than he'd really expected, though Katara still felt her heart sink at how few people had opted to attend. She knew people were still feeling timid after the attacks; she hadn't imagined nearly the entire capital was still afraid of its own shadow.

Zuko must have arranged not to have a grand announcement at his arrival - perhaps, Katara noted, so as not to draw attention to his controversial choice of partner. They entered without fanfare, gliding down onto the grand, golden dance floor with stares but no comment. She took stock of those in attendance, noting that most people here were in a similar state of dress as herself, meaning few common folk were present. Though she did spot some definitively poorer couples dancing alongside the nobles, and it made her heart swell. Everyone deserved a night to let go, to be in the present and relax in the company of their friends and neighbors.

Soon Zuko was drawing her close, and that damn thing in her chest sped up again. One hand fell onto a polite spot on her back, while the other took hers and held it out to the side of them. She curled her hand into a ball and rested her wrist against his shoulder, almost afraid to touch him. He seemed almost careful about leaving some space between their bodies, which was probably a good thing, as she struggled enough to breathe with him even this close.

"What's wrong?" he asked her gently, snapping her out of her own head.

Katara lowered her gaze, shaking her head. "Nothing."

He slowed in his steps, and she felt him tense up. "Should I not have asked you to come with me?"

She didn't answer for a minute, closing her eyes and turning her head away. That _thing_ , whatever it was, was pulling on her again, and even if he denied it she knew he felt it tugging on him too. Katara felt his uncertainty, his trepidation, and it mirrored her own.

"Why _did_ you ask me?" It wasn't an answer to his question, but then again, she didn't _want_ to answer it.

It was his turn for silence, and it seemed to stretch on for eons. "You're my friend, and I wanted to spend tonight with you," he said simply.

"And how does Mai feel about it?"

Another long, deafening pause. At this rate, it was going to take an hour for them just to have one complete conversation.

"I don't think she's gotten my letter yet," he admitted.

 _Well. At least he told her._ She had no response for that, and so she let it go, turning back to face him.

He picked up their tempo again, and eventually she relaxed, her hand settling into a more comfortable position on his shoulder. She didn't notice it happening at first, but suddenly the space between them had halved, and then as each turn forced them slightly apart, they would round the corner of the movement and come back together with their bodies pressed flush together. His long hair tickled the tips of her fingers with each sway, and it only caught her breath the first four times or so.

 _What is the matter with me?_

Katara wasn't an idiot. She knew that Zuko was attractive. Very, very attractive. And whatever had happened between them when he eased her back into the world from the Spirit World, when he brought their breathing and their hearts in sync, it had complicated everything. He refused to see it, or at least refused to admit to her that he saw it, but she felt his energy in a way that she felt no one else's. And she would be willing to bet that he felt hers too.

It must have been half an hour that passed. Whatever song was playing in the background ended, fading into a calmness that had them lull to a stop. "Should I let you find another dance partner?" he asked, though he made no move to let her go.

Katara shook her head. "Who else would I dance with?"

Zuko's gaze flickered across the room, looking at something, or someone, out of her field of vision. "Katsuzo's been watching you. I'd say he's probably interested."

He said it casually, and the words carried a small sting. "The Lieutenant you scolded me for talking to a few weeks ago?" she retorted.

"I didn't scold you for talking to him specifically," he said, shaking his head at her. "I just wanted you to be a little careful who you're making friends with."

"We're not friends. I haven't seen or spoken to him since that dinner."

"Well, maybe you should."

Katara stiffened. "Are you trying to get rid of me?" she asked, her hand beginning to pull away from Zuko's.

His grip on her tightened for just a moment, almost a reflex, before relaxing. "No. I just didn't want you to feel stuck with me all night."

"I don't feel stuck," she promised.

Their eyes locked, blue on gold, and they both froze, unsure of what to do and unable to pull away.

The Fire Lord broke the trance before she could, before she did something stupid that the primal part of her brain had been threatening her with all night. He let go of her all at once, stepping back and looking dazed.

"I'm sorry," Katara whispered, a sudden feeling of shame coursing through her. "I'm sorry. I-"

"Don't be sorry," he told her, voice low and hoarse. She almost couldn't hear him over the uptick of the music behind them. She was sure others around them were watching, and tried to compose herself, though that required fighting against the gravitational pull towards the exit. "I'm the one who should be sorry. I've already been reckless enough, risking my relationship with Mai for-" he stopped abruptly, face suddenly ghostly white against the pale red of his scar and inky black of his hair.

The waterbender felt her body seize up. Of course part of her had felt guilty for thinking their friendship could have unintended consequences, but until now, her suspicions had only ever been just that. She'd felt sick at the thought that she could have played a role in their breakup, and convinced herself she hadn't done any harm after Ty Lee broke the news. "I can't do this to you, Zuko. I need to go."

She refused to look at him as she turned away. She didn't want to know whether his expression would reveal remorse, or relief.

* * *

 **author's note:** back on a regular schedule! i mean, you know. as regular as quarantine life can be.

i hope everyone is hanging in there, in whatever country or state you are in, that you have what you need, that you are healthy, and that you are able to do things to keep your spirits up. I'm an essential worker so I'm still going to work every day, while my partner is a teacher and is probably home until August at the earliest. I finally demanded alone time this weekend so I could focus on writing, because the ballroom scene is a thing I've been looking forward to for a very long time.

Please leave me comments! Now more than ever I need the feedback to keep me going. It is so difficult to stay motivated while feeling stir crazy and depressed. Any thoughts at all :)


	16. Four Letters

**sixteen: four letters**

By the end of the next week, Katara had moved out of the palace and into a preciously small rental home on the east side of the capital. The room was in a building with three other units, with hers on the second floor. Hardly large enough for one person to live in, she couldn't help herself but to gawk when she saw two parents and a four or five year old child leaving from the door next to her own, knowing it was the same size as hers. The building itself, while not in frighteningly terrible shape, had definitely seen brighter days. The shutters over her windows had a few panels of wood chewed through with rot, and one or two of her floorboards felt precariously uneven. Still, it was home now. Katara had already taken to hanging a shelf on the wall to place a few trinkets, and filling her room with as many shades of blue as she owned. She'd only brought one fur blanket, as there wasn't much need for it here. But she'd draped it across the foot of her bed anyway, just so she could lay across it and breathe in its scent whenever she found herself missing her brother, or her GranGran.

The Fire Nation had granted her up to one year's stipend for rental and food expenses, no questions asked. It was only fair, she reasoned, as the Southern Tribe didn't have much to ask of the Fire Nation in reparation so far. They could afford _one_ person's livelihood for four seasons. And she had already drafted a letter - to her father or her brother, she wasn't sure yet which one - requesting that the Water Tribe pick up the cost after the twelve months had ended. Nearly ready to be sent, it sat on the small desk crammed in far too close to her bed for comfort; the only problem was that she wasn't sure she'd actually make it through an entire year.

Not a word had passed between her and the Fire Lord since the ball, and Katara hadn't even considered bridging the gap between them yet. While she had yet to allow her heart to draw any conclusions, she knew in the back of her mind that it was coming, and that she had to get a grip before she faced him again.

A sense of dread also filled her at the thought of returning to the palace, even on business. The longer she put it off, the worse it would look, but she hated to think what assumptions people were making right now. Nanook, in one of his infuriatingly few communications with her, had alluded in passing to the scene she'd caused as she dashed out of the ballroom, but only to passive aggressively disparage her melodramatic female ways.

He had, oddly enough, actually given her some helpful advice, though she was loath to take it. The ambassador had strongly hinted that politically speaking, the Fire Nation was more desperate than they let on to make reparations, both from an optics standpoint and for the sake of building ties which could later be utilized, or exploited. Katara doubted the latter, but it was telling that the Northern Tribe displayed such staunch, naked disdain.

 _Set up a meeting with some of their agricultural experts. Work with them to identify their exports with the longest shelf life, things that will survive the long shipment to the South Pole. Ask for quarterly donations. If they won't dole it out for free, strike a low-stakes deal for their delivery._

She hated to say it, but he was right. Her tribe could desperately use a variety in their diets, even if Fire Nation food was a hugely drastic change. And it was difficult to support any sort of population growth with a strictly limited food supply. Katara didn't know for sure, but with the lack of new babies that had been born in the last few years, her belief was that the people of the tribe were unsure of how to provide for additional mouths. Maybe she could give them some relief, some confidence.

The letter to the presumed chief, as of yet unknown, was placed to the side as she pulled out two new sheets of parchment, then a third. Her fine bluejay-raven quill at the ready, she settled into her secondhand chair and made herself as comfortable as she could be.

She banged out one letter rather quickly, allowing herself to tackle the easiest one first.

 _Dad:_

 _I know that everything is up in the air right now, that you and Sokka are in some sort of gridlock. But I still trust that you love our people, that you can inspire them and draw them in when there is need. Chief or not, I need a favor from you._

 _I need input. I need voices. I need the men and women of our tribe to write to me, to tell me what they need. Even without a leader, they can advocate for themselves, and we can still serve them. I need to you to gather them up and have them write to me individually, or hold a town meeting to make one list of ideas. Whatever works best. This is our time to ask for what we want - what we **need** \- from the Fire Nation. _

_-Ambassador Katara_

A few minutes were spent deciding whether or not she wanted to sign off with her title before she ultimately settled on yes. There was no one to bestow legitimacy upon her besides herself; if she didn't hold her head high, no one would do it for her.

A neat pile on the corner started as she rolled up this letter, tied a thin thread around it and sat it next to the first one. She had no materials with which to create a seal, so this small trace of blue would have to suffice.

Her third letter she started immediately after the second, feeling a boost of confidence upon its completion. Katara realized suddenly that several copies would need to be sent, and so reached down into her bottom drawer to pull out more sheets.

The letter was perfunctory, and professional, and bland, but it got her point across. She tried to keep herself from adjusting her wording as each of the copies came out, to be sure she didn't come across differently to the different dignitaries, but it was hard to reread the material and realize how much better it _could_ be, with practice. She suddenly found herself missing Ty Lee, her sounding board, her letter writing partner, her roommate, her friend.

As she completed the last copy, she thought for a moment about whether to begin the last one or to take a brief break. But before she had time to make up her mind, a sudden knock came at her front door.

A young boy stood in the entryway with a piece of paper in his hand, small and simple, but adorned with a golden seal that she knew could only have come from one place. Katara gave him a quick bow of thanks, which he returned somewhat awkwardly, and trotted off without a word. She closed the door behind him quickly and sat down on the edge of her bed, fiercely nervous as to what this message could be.

 _Master Katara,_ she ready, and knew instantly that it was not from Zuko, but rather his uncle. Iroh was the only person she knew who addressed her as such.

 _I thought it best to inform you that Avatar Aang and his bison are scheduled to be arriving at the palace this evening. We are hosting a small dinner to welcome him into the Fire Nation, and extend our invitation to you. Know that whether you decide to join us or not, we respect your choice._

Katara's heart sank, and not for the reason she might originally have expected. She knew Aang was on his way - she was the one who had asked him to come, after all - but had pushed it to the back of her mind, unwilling to deal with it.

It was almost as though she pretended to debate this decision, when she knew that in reality it was already decided. There was no polite way she could refuse. And she couldn't stand to make this worse than it already was - the longer she avoided both men, the worse it would be for her in the long run. Though, sitting in a room with both of them with a giant spotlight on her, and her avoidant behavior, was going to be absolute hell. She considered for a moment writing Ty Lee ahead of time and asking her to sit by her side to give her an out in conversation, but then again, she hadn't told Ty Lee what had happened at the ball or explained herself for moving out, and didn't want to dive into it now. Speaking of which, Ty Lee was another person she'd been avoiding for too long.

She found herself wishing for Toph, for the earthbender to come and carve out a hole in the ground into which she could completely disappear.

* * *

Dinner came far too quickly, and when she arrived at the palace, every instinct in her was begging her to turn around and run back home. What was worse was knowing she would be on her own.

The servants knew where she was headed before she could even ask for directions; the led her swiftly and silently down a short, dim passage towards one of the small dining rooms. Before she knew it, a familiar shaved head was in her line of sight, adorned with the regal blue arrow she would know anywhere. She spent a moment watching him before catching his attention, noting that he looked a little more filled out than the last time she'd seen him. Idly she wondered whether it was from a change in diet, or just that he was was still growing into a man.

He was dressed in a bright orange sash and white robes, the latter an unusual color for him. Momo sat atop his shoulder, and her heart felt a small tickle at that - she had not seen Momo in over a year. He was living with Toph, of all people, as he had been miserable in the harsh yearlong winter of South Pole with her and Aang. She knew that Aang had missed him terribly, and suddenly felt a surge of guilt at having inadvertently asked him to give him up to live with her.

Not much time was afforded to her to stare in peace before he felt her gaze, interrupting his conversation with Iroh to turn and face her. His gray eyes were unreadable, save the brief flash of surprise when he recognized the waterbender in the foyer. His hands twitched, maybe an old, leftover reflex to hug her, but he apparently thought better of the urge.

She moved towards him hesitantly, offering a small smile. "Hi, Aang," she murmured.

He still made no move towards her, but gave her a halfhearted smile. "Hey." She realized then that he must have been hoping she wouldn't show.

Before she had time to dwell on it, Momo recognized her too, and leapt off Aang's shoulder and barreled into Katara's arms, chittering excitedly. She beamed at him, wrapping her arms around him and patting the top of his soft head. "And hi to you, Momo," she cooed, her finger coming up to scratch under his chin.

"I think he missed you," Aang chuckled, and she suddenly realized his voice had gotten just a stroke deeper than the last time they'd spoken - just over a month ago. She supposed he did have over a hundred years of growth to catch up on, but it startled her to see how fast it was happening.

"Thank you for coming," she breathed, not meeting his eye. It was a relief to have the lemur in her arms to divert her gaze. "I hated to call you away from Avatar business, but we really need your help."

He waved a hand. "Let's talk about it later," he suggested. Aang stretched out an arm towards Momo to take him back, but he was ignored, with the lemur choosing instead to climb up onto Katara's shoulder.

She laughed, then ducked her head and covered her mouth, embarrassed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to steal him from you."

Aang gave her a laugh, a real one this time. "Honestly, my shoulder was starting to ache. You can keep him for a little bit."

Katara reached up to pet him again and turned towards Iroh, grateful for the out on this conversation. She greeted him and Ty Lee, the latter simmering with irritation and disappointment at her, and to whom Katara mouthed a silent apology. She knew she owed her better than that, but like Aang, would just have to wait for the conversation until later.

Her stomach flipped when she came face to face with Zuko, unable to avoid him any longer. His eyes widened at the sight of her, seeming just as flustered as she was. He licked his lips nervously, his gaze flickering away from her for a moment before returning, as if he was looking for an escape. "Hi," he said quietly, and she groaned internally. This was Aang all over again, only this, somehow, was worse.

"H-hi," she stuttered back, feeling her face flush. "Iroh invited me," she said quickly, and she hated how much it sounded like a defense. "I thought he told you."

"He did," Zuko said tersely. Aang, it seemed, wasn't the only one hoping she wouldn't come.

Katara shook her head. "I'm sorry," she told him, simply because she didn't know what else to say. Her fingers wove tightly into her thin skirt, the knuckles of her fist pressing into the side of her thigh. Teeth bit into lip, and shoulders curled inward tightly, forcing Momo to shift uncomfortably until he gave up and flew off, meandering back over to Aang.

The first server entered the dining room with a tray of food just then, and Zuko seized the excuse to turn away and move towards his seat. The meal passed slowly, painfully, with Katara maintaining an absolute silence throughout. The food was good - still too spicy for her, but she was able to scrape most of the sauce off of it to make it more palatable. The wine was better, and she was more than tempted to drown in it to escape.

She caught slivers of the stories Aang told over dinner, his travels to remote islands in the last few months to follow leads on possible Airbenders. Ty Lee too shared some stories, talked about how the other Kyoshi Warriors had been ever since she'd joined them after the war, though she danced around any mention of Nari. Apparently, Kyoshi Island had been contacted by Chin Village a few months back, wishing to make amends and end their 400 year feud, and the town was still debating whether to even respond. Aang, of course, immediately offered his advice, which was that if peace was offered, it should be taken. Ty Lee simply shrugged at him, stating that it had never been her fight to weigh in on. At some point, she heard Aang ask Zuko about the festival, about the ball, and Katara turned her head away, tuning out whatever response Zuko gave him. She didn't want to dwell on it, not right now.

Eventually, the servers cleared their table, and Iroh excused himself to his bedroom, citing the late hour. Aang and Zuko almost visibly gravitated towards one another, pairing off to head out into the gardens on the other side of the hall. She was left with Ty Lee, maybe the least nervewracking of the available options to be left alone with, but Katara dreaded it nonetheless.

Ty Lee finished her last sip of wine and cleared her throat, making no move to stand. "So, do you want to tell me what's going on?" she asked, voice quiet and even.

Katara sighed and leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table to put her head in her hands. "I'm sorry," she repeated, tired of the words on her tongue. "I should have told you before I left. Everything just happened so fast." She was given silence in return, but not an angry silence - a beat, a pause, to collect her thoughts. "I can't trust myself right now," she admitted, finally looking up at Ty Lee's face, where disappointment had shifted into disquiet. "I had to move out of the palace. To do my job, to keep peace. I had to leave."

"Something happened with you and Zuko," Ty Lee said softly. Her wine glass was still in her hand, though empty now, but she slid her thumb along the rim of it as she thought quietly. "Right? That had to be it."

Katara shook her head. "I told you, going as his date was a bad idea."

"Like living in denial was any better?" Ty Lee shot back evenly.

The waterbender blinked. "Denial? About what?" she asked, cringing slightly as her voice shot through two octaves.

Ty Lee looked up at the ceiling then, and sighed heavily. "Never mind," she said, clearly exasperated, shaking her head. "Forget I said anything." She stood abruptly, bumping the table as her body moved upwards, and the sound her chair made as it scraped backwards against the tile was grating. The warrior was gone before Katara could even call out to her, feeling a tingling numbness starting from her fingers and working its way in towards her core.

 _How is it that_ Aang _was the kindest person to me tonight?_ She wondered, almost wanting to cry but feeling too drained. She hurriedly threw back the last of her drink before standing, turning on her heel and heading straight for the door.

* * *

Katara groaned as she unlocked her door and pushed her way inside. A light rain had begun to fall, and she'd left her window open all evening. The window was perched directly over her bed, which was now not quite soaked, but wet enough for a non-bender to have to hang out to dry. It was easy enough for her to bend the water out at least, but bending wasn't going to do anything for the vague smell of must that the rainwater would leave behind.

She didn't, though. Instead she leaned against her door and slid down until she was sitting, curled her knees up into her chest and held them tight. From deep down inside her came a heavy sob, and she buried her head, letting her shoulders shake and the tears stick her hair against her cheeks.

 _Hope is just a distraction, Katara._

Her younger, more optimistic self was suddenly banging on the walls in her head, demanding attention. Eighteen year old Katara heard the speech that fourteen year old Katara would have given her, or anybody in her situation.

She'd spent so long living with someone who ran from everything, from every last uncomfortable thing they had no answer for, that she hadn't even realized she'd given home to this pattern she'd railed against for so long. Maybe yelling at Aang had been her form of running away from their problems - she knew, deep down, that it would drive him away every single time. And if he was gone, there was no one to fight with, no one to hurt her. The yelling had bled out into her friendship with Zuko, and she'd fled from both him and Ty Lee. There was no way out of this until she started to confront herself. She found herself suddenly desperately wishing to be the girl who'd been both soft and strong, instead of the person she'd become - one who blunted the edge of one extreme to sharpen the other.

Some uncertain amount of time passed before she could collect herself enough to pick herself up off the floor. In a rough, haphazard motion, she lifted the water out of the mattress and bedding and tossed it out the window, taking only a slight pause to make sure no one was passing by underneath.

She dug around through her unpacked bags in the corner for a half burnt out candle and a box full of matches. There was one remaining sheet of parchment in her drawer, and she pulled it out with determination. She had one final letter left in her to write today; this one was for her brother.

 _Sokka,_

 _I don't know if you received my last letter, or if you wrote back. If you did, the letter probably got lost after the attack on the capital._

Here she sighed; it took her a few minutes to essentially rewrite her last letter. She apologized to him for the redundancy if this was not new information, but she knew that if he had gotten the last one, he wouldn't even bother reading this part.

 _Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about something that happened. I'm still coming around to this, but I have to be honest with myself and I need someone to hold me accountable._

She took a very deep breath, surprised that Sokka of all people would be the first person she told, and at the same time she admitted it to herself no less. But if she ran any further from this, she'd fall off the edge of a cliff. With a forced exhale, she closed her eyes for a moment, then put the words to paper, feeling a deep release.

 _I think I've fallen in love._

* * *

 **author's note:** hello once again! i hope everyone is hanging in there, and i hope that reading a little bit of fic is helping pass the time and ease some stress. i know some people are in a much worse position than others, and i am fortunate enough to still live in a home with two steady incomes including my own. but this quarantine has been difficult for me, and for a few weeks i felt seriously bleak, i did nothing but sleep and watch tv, with intermittent mindless video games. i've missed people terribly and the loneliness can be stifling. this project and the deadlines i've set for myself (1 chapter per month) has been a great way for me to open myself up emotionally and get out of my own head (and into someone else's, I guess?) with this chapter i've tried to work on some criticism i've received in the past about setting - setting has never really been my strong suit honestly, but it's good to have a thing to practice and try to get better at. i also felt a stronger flow of lyricism this chapter, which usually means i'm in a good creative swing.

anyways, i ramble yet again. please leave me comments, even brief ones or critical ones, they really mean so so so much to me.


	17. Interlude

_interlude_

* * *

 **In Which Iroh Visits A Prisoner**

Iroh's cloak fell over his broad shoulders precisely the moment he was out of sight from his nephew's friends who lingered in the golden light of the dining room. Some small wave of guilt passed him at having spent a lie, but he knew it was a danger to share the truth, even with his nephew.

The walk to the prison was long on his old, tired legs, and while the setting of the sun eased his discomfort for a moment, the showers from the skies above quickly dampened his spirits. Though the rain was fitting for his mood, the traces of mud sticking to his boots and kicking up onto the hem of his cloak felt an unnecessary bother. The streets he passed through would have once inspired a feeling of unease; as he crossed the distance towards the prison grounds, he traversed neighborhoods that had always been rife with crime. He was not immune to being on edge about such things, despite his record for dissuading would-be assailants. One could never be too careful, nor get too comfortable.

He was allowed entry into the dark, depressing prison without so much as a second glance; he did not have his nephew's instantly recognizable scar, but The Dragon of the West was a legend among Fire Nation soldiers such that his face rendered any introduction unnecessary.

As he came upon the door to this prisoner's cell, he paused for a moment, focusing on his breathing, allowing his mind to go blank so that whatever words came to him were true and uninhibited. Bolstering his courage, he gave a nod to the guard on watch, who shot him a passing glance of disbelief, or perhaps disdain, before sliding the small steel key into the lock.

His niece lay eerily still on her mattress, shoved into the far corner of the sparse room, facing the wall away from him. Her long, choppy hair was matted to her head, likely with sweat and a lack of washing. The covers had been thrown to the other side of the room, and so she lay without sheets or a blanket, breathing hollowly. He momentarily felt ashamed of the conditions in which she had been left, and had to remind himself that she was being moved in the morning to a health facility personally approved by the Fire Lord.

Iroh had never been in tune with, or understood, Azula the way he did Zuko. A pulse of shame coursed through him at the thought, and shook his head at himself for a moment. But he suspected that she was awake, despite the her stillness and her lack of response to what must be a rare occurence of a visitor. He decided to lean on his suspicion, and cleared his throat.

"I hope that you will forgive me for being brief," he rasped, closing his eyes. "But I cannot stay long." Iroh took a few steps closer to her, and gently knelt down to look her over. She still displayed no reaction, and he could see now that her eyes were closed. Still, he pressed forward.

"I wanted to tell you, that you are not crazy. And I am so sorry that you have been treated as if you are." Here the thought he saw her open her eyes for a moment, but could not be sure. "I did not know you saw spirits, child. But I should have guessed. I saw so many around you when you were younger, but I was blind and did not consider what that meant. They were drawn to you, until Ozai's influence forced you to shut them out, and turn them away." He paused again, before murmuring, "I told your brother, but I should have told you too. Your mother's grandfather was Avatar Roku."

Azula shot straight up at that, whipping her head around to stare at her uncle. She said nothing, but her amber eyes were wide - full of shock, hurt, and disbelief. Her breathing, while still shallow, quickened.

Iroh leaned back away from her, allowing her some space.

"That's not true," she said fervently, her voice hoarse. Her shoulders curled inwards and her head fell forward, as though she were going to retch.

When he spoke, his voice was as gentle as he could make it. "You know that it is, Azula. You can feel it."

The princess shook her head, clenching her jaw in anger. "No. I can't see _spirits_. I don't know what you're talking about. You're a bit too old for playing make believe, Uncle," she spat. Her fingers resembled the paw of a cat, kneading furiously at the edge of her mattress, curling up into a fist and out again.

"Maybe not anymore. Maybe you choose not to see them. But you still have a connection to the spirit world, one that you were born with." He took a deep breath and leaned away a little further. "When Master Katara and your brother came to visit you, you became possessed with a spirit. Do you remember?"

Furious, Azula stood and walked on heavily shaken legs away from him, bracing a hand against the far wall for support. Iroh closed his eyes, drawing his strength from his breath once more. He then stood, turning to face her but still keeping his distance.

"You're crazy, uncle," she said weakly, tone as contemptuous as her words.

"No, I'm not. And neither are you." He thought for a moment. "Do you remember when you were nine, when I returned from the siege of Ba Sing Se?"

A raspy chuckle escaped her. "The siege you ran away from, like a little girl?" she taunted, tone laced with venom.

Iroh let her comment pass. "When I saw you and Zuko again for the first time, my heart felt right again, just for a moment. I had just suffered the loss of my only child, but your faces warmed my soul. I reached out to hug you first, but as I did, I saw a small creature standing in front of you, vying for your attention. It was translucent, and blue, and looked almost like a young dragon, but infinitely smaller. It caught me so off guard that I stopped, and it was Zuko who ran into my open arms instead."

An insufferably long minute passed before Azula turned to face him, her hand still placed up against the wall. It was difficult to see her face in the dim candlelight, but she looked pale, and grim. "You..." she started, and for once her tone was unguarded, almost vulnerable. "You saw Poki too?"

The general answered her with a smile.

She met his eyes warily, and looked almost as though she might cry. "I'm not crazy," she said, her voice the slightest whisper.

Iroh shook his head. "No, Azula. You have a gift. A true gift, one that must not be taken lightly." He paused, anxious. "I know I have never been the uncle I should have, not to you, not the way I was to Zuko." He watched as she visibly flinched at the sound of her brother's name. "And I am so sorry for that. I cannot go back and fix my mistakes. But I know that you cannot continue to run from this, for if you do, it will continue to destroy you until there is nothing left. If you let me, I could teach you what I know. I can help you embrace this thing that you have suffered with in silence." He suddenly felt a shadow of his younger self overtake him as his arms stretched outward towards his niece, looking more like a timid nine year old girl now than she ever had at that age.

The princess stared into the empty space before her for a long moment before a look of determination swept her features. For a moment, Iroh was sure she was going to snap immediately back into place and berate him again, when suddenly her thin, malnourished arms locked around his shoulders, clinging to the uncle for whom she'd never shown anything but disdain.

As he hugged his would-be granddaughter, he heard a soft sob bubble out from deep within her, and for a long while he simply let her cry.

* * *

 **author's note:** hope you guys enjoyed the unplanned, unorthodox chapter here! originally i had only intended to splice in his POV with Katara's in the next chapter, but it felt more and more like it needed to stand on its own. I've had the image of Iroh and Azula's reconciliation in my head for a long time and I needed to give it space. i know this is probably not what you guys were expecting at the moment, but i hope it was enjoyable anyway! leave me your thoughts as always :)


	18. Family

**seventeen: family**

Katara hadn't realized that being a politician would involve quite so much sitting. She, Iroh, Aang and Zuko had finally gathered at the end of a grotesquely long day for them all, having bounced around between a broad assortment of meetings since the early light. By the time they could finally convene, Katara was sure her butt and feet were already asleep once she hit the chair.

Though her body was bone tired, her mind was anything but. Her heart raced as Aang floated in through the door, and quite suddenly stopped still as she watched Zuko trail closely behind him. She couldn't bring herself to meet the eyes of either man, and was grateful that Iroh was quick to follow, offering the General a small smile.

The four of them spoke behind closed doors for what felt like hours. Katara watched a flood of emotions pour across Aang's and Iroh's faces as Zuko relayed to them what he had shared first with her: that his mother was in the spirit world. Iroh grew gravely silent, his visage perturbed and grim. Aang was wholly elated, and flew out of his chair to embrace his friend. Katara pursed her lips and noted quietly that she couldn't remember the last time she'd seen him so animated. And she didn't know exactly how she felt about that.

"Your mom's _alive_! That's great news, Zuko!" Aang nearly shouted. His face was glowing, and for a brief moment Katara wondered if his arrow would, too.

"Yeah, it is," he said gruffly, trying to discreetly shrug himself out of Aang's grip without being too offending. His long hair was down, loose, and he paused for a moment to push his locks away from his face, collecting his thoughts. "But you're the only one who knows how to get there. And I don't know anything _about_ the spirit world."

"That's why I wrote to you," Katara piped up, trying to ignore the hot embers of Zuko's eyes on her. It had been a long day for all of them, and she figured she would do them all a favor by cutting right to the point. "Can you teach Zuko how to get there?"

The Avatar stopped for a minute, considering her question. He scratched at his chin, which appeared freshly shaven. "I can't really even explain how _I_ get there,dll" he admitted, shrugging. "I don't think it's something I could teach." Another pause as his eyes skated over the bare walls of the meeting room, pacing, and pondering. "I could go in myself to look for her, but I can't say I would even know where to start. It's not like I have a map or anything. And you probably don't know _where_ she is," he said, turning to face the Fire Lord.

Zuko's eyes shifted down towards his hands, clasped in front of him on the gold-trimmed wooden table. "No," he answered sullenly. "I don't have any other clues." He seemed to debate his next words, casting his focus towards his uncle with some tangible trace of trepidation. "Uncle," he said quietly. "You knew my mother. You've been to the spirit world. I would be grateful for any insight you have."

Iroh's expression revealed no surprise; Katara suspected this was not the first time that the thought of his sister in law disappearing into another realm had occurred to him. "This is only a guess," he began, his eyes somber and his mouth set tightly, "but I could imagine that your mother escaped with Avatar Roku's help." The general turned his head towards Aang, who was reluctantly returning to his seat. "I do not know where we might find her, but I might ask your past self for his guidance."

Katara's brows furrowed, confused. "Is that even possible? Can an Avatar spirit manifest separately from the current Avatar's body?"

Aang, who looked noticeably paler, gave his best nonchalant shrug. "Probably, especially if it was while I was trapped in the ice with Appa. The first time I met Roku, he said he waited a long time for me. He was probably bored for a hundred years, or had other things to do than wait around for a waterbender to bust me out of a glacier." Katara could tell he was chewing the inside of his lip - a nervous tic. "I don't know if asking him is the best idea, though - besides, why would he even have anything to do with this?"

A quick, frustrated sigh pushed heavily past Zuko's lips. "Roku was my mother's grandfather."

A pair of hazel eyes suddenly grew to three times their size. Aang was immediately out of his chair again, and an air scooter had formed below him almost faster than Katara could blink. "I was your great grandad? Why didn't you _tell_ me?" The airbender was spinning around the room, vibrating with excitement.

"This is why," Zuko muttered, two fingers pressed to his temple.

"This is great! We should have a family reunion! We should have a big dinner to celebrate! Oh man, I'm gonna start calling you _sport,_ or _junior,_ Roku jr? RJ?" He hopped off his air scooter in an instant, nearly barreling into the back wall as he tripped just slightly. Aang stopped suddenly, and Katara saw him slow emotionally to a halt. "I've never had a family before. I mean, I never thought about it, but I had Gyatso and that was pretty much it. I've had a lot of friends, and I have you guys, but never anybody related by blood."

The waterbender bit her lip, and she shot Zuko a glance, warning him silently not to say anything. It maybe didn't really count if it was his past life, but Aang was clearly having a moment, and he deserved space to have it in peace. And besides, who was to say whether it really mattered?

The Fire Lord gritted his teeth for a moment, and Katara wondered what had him so worked up. "Aang, I would love to talk with you about this more, but right now we really need your help," he said as calmly as he could manage. "Your... granddaughter needs your help. Can I speak with Roku?"

Aang shrank at that. "Yeah... uh. About that."

Katara quirked an eyebrow at him. "What?"

The Avatar shook his head. "I, uh, well. We're not really talking."

The waterbender stared at him, hard, unable to comprehend. "You. Aren't talking to Roku?" A blink. "What, did you guys have, like, a fight or something?" She almost wanted to laugh.

"Kind of."

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Zuko give an exasperated sigh and stand up, flinging his chair back against the wall and pacing towards the end of the table where his uncle sat quietly. "About _what_?" She couldn't imagine something big enough to drive such a large wedge between a person and another version of themselves.

"He was angry that I didn't kill Ozai, and I refused to apologize for it," Aang said simply. "I told him that fixing his mistakes was less important than sparing a life, and we haven't spoken since."

Her eyebrows flew up at that, and she stared at him, mouth agape. "So... you haven't talked to Roku in _three_ _years_?" How had that not come up in the years they were together? Had they really been _that_ out of touch?

She heard, rather than saw, a crack of flame behind her, and when she turned her head, she saw Zuko had already extinguished the manifestation of his temper in the palm of his hand. "This isn't getting us anywhere," he said angrily, and for a moment he sounded sixteen again. He pivoted, suddenly facing Aang head on with a fierce determination. "Roku," he bellowed, "I need to speak to you."

A flash of white light blinded them, stunning them into silence. Katara covered her eyes with her hand, unable to look directly at its source.

As the breeze from the force of the spiritual shift settled, the three of them looked up in unison to see an old man over six feet tall standing in Aang's place, his eyes glowing whiter than his hair and beard. His lips were settled into a deep frown, and his hands were burrowed into their opposite sleeves, arms folded squarely across his chest. A small crown in the shape of a flame crested his topknot.

"Roku," she whispered. She had never seen him in person before, but it wasn't exactly a shot in the dark.

"I am disappointed you were not taught to better respect your elders, Fire Lord Zuko," Roku said, lifting his chin slightly, the timbre of his voice deep but weary.

Katara tore her eyes away from the spectacle of the Avatar before her and turned to look over at Zuko, whose face was drained of color, but still held his ground, jaw set square and tight with resolve. Hey may not have actually expected a response, but now that he had one, he was remaining firm.

When he spoke, his voice was less rigid, a bit kinder. "Please, Avatar Roku. I need help finding my mother. Your granddaughter," he echoed, his words ever more sincere the second time around.

"I know very well what you need, young Fire Lord," Roku replied, sounding as though he were scolding a petulant child. He tilted his gaze just slightly down and away as he pondered over his next words. "I'm afraid I know nothing more than rumors. There was a human woman whose soul and body supposedly entered the spirit world a few years back - a very strange, very rare occurrence to be sure, but I do not know who she was or how she entered. If it was your mother, she never sought me out. Although it is possible she did not know of our relation. And of course, I cannot even say with certainty that I know this to be true at all."

"A lead's a lead," Zuko replied gruffly. "Do you know where that woman went? Or where she might be now?"

Roku stroked his beard, an odd reflection of Iroh. "It is possible she may be in the Fog of Lost Souls, as punishment for her betrayal of the Fire Nation crown in the human world. But I can't say I know of anyone on earth with the ability to trap another human into a spirit's prison." He paused again, lost in thought. "There are no other large concentrations of humans in the spirit world that I know of. But there is one place that is significant to the fire spirits, the Cove of Foxes. In ancient times, there were spirits who inhabited the four corners of the world that eventually became the four nations. Before humans could bend, there were bending spirits - many of the spirits who were gifted with fire were foxes. Those spirits took haven when humans took dominion over the physical world, and most of them now live together in the Cove of Foxes. I have heard that some old souls of the Fire Nation arrive there in their final death, as it feels the most familiar to them."

Zuko's eyes gleamed. "Can you take me there?"

Roku shook his head. "I know of no passage for humans into the spirit world that does not ultimately drain their physical forms. The spirits who retreated back into the spirit world after the rise of humans hold much hostility towards humans, and have shaped an air that takes a toll on the humans who dare to enter. Many spirits do not wish to invite humans in who have not detached from their physical bodies."

The Avatar's earlier words still rang in Katara's ears, and she found herself staring straight ahead, lost in her own thoughts. She had to force herself back up for air to meet Roku's still-glowing eyes. "You said _final_ death. What does that mean?"

There was a long, painful silence, drawn out by every breath she dared breathe in. She suspected she'd touched on something Roku had not meant to share, but her gaze burned into him, almost a challenge, a demand.

"Every human is reborn after death, not only the Avatar. Some who are enlightened may choose not to pass on when they die, and thus die the final death, dwelling forever in the spirit world."

Katara's mind raced with a thousand questions, but before her mouth could even open to ask one, another strong wind tore through the room, and the blinding white light returned. It seemed Roku's time had expired, or he refused to expand any further on the knowledge he had dropped on them. The waterbender had a sinking feeling he'd shared too much already.

Aang's body drooped to the floor as his former life drained from his body, and Katara and Zuko both rushed forward to catch him. Their hands brushed as they each tried to support the Avatar's back, and Katara had to resist the urge to jerk away, flushed with nerves.

Aang's eyes fluttered as he struggled to regain consciousness, and his head rolled towards Katara, sighing softly. "What did I miss?"

* * *

Another day passed in long talks and negotiation with other dignitaries, those from both the Earth Kingdom and the Fire Nation, though the former was much more rare. She had a short, but solid, list of spices which could be siphoned from some of the further colonies every quarter and sent of in small quantities every quarter. Another ambassador was nearing a deal with her on a decent supply of wheat, though that one would almost certainly come with some sort of reciprocation, which Katara hadn't quite figured out yet.

Zuko had requested the gathering of four again this evening, and Katara found herself dragging her feet into the room. She'd not spoken to any of them, not even Iroh, since the prior night. Once Aang had recovered, there wasn't much more productivity to be found. Zuko was filled with a muted ire at the situation and had dashed off to the palace library in what were likely futile hopes that it contained any scrap of information on the Cove of Foxes. Considering the legacy of the royal family before him, Katara would be shocked if any traces of the Spirit World were left in its archives.

Over cold tea, Zuko admitted his search had been fruitless, and the group discussed various alternate strategies of finding this information. Zuko brought up the idea that he simply enter and start asking every spirit he came across, to which Iroh shook his head and Aang laughed. Not only were spirits notoriously unreliable, but if too much time was spent detached from his body, his body would wither in the outside world, as Iroh had just recently explained to Katara.

It was over an hour before Aang finally piped up with an offer to go in himself, and use his former selves as a touchstone for guidance through the Spirit World. Zuko's lips set into a hard line, and he clasped his hands before him on the table, staring at them intently.

"I need to be the one who goes in. It has to be me."

Katara shook her head. "Why on earth would it need to be you, Zuko?" she asked, frustrated now. "You're under heavily armed guard on watch for assassination attempts. The absolute _last_ thing we should be doing is leaving your body empty and vulnerable for hours, or days, on end. I didn't want to ask, Aang," she said, turning to face him, "but I think it _should_ be you, if you're willing to go. You're the only one who stands a chance going in for so long."

"My mother risked everything she had to protect me, including her life," Zuko cut in, his eyes boring into hers with a gravitational force that bordered on unnatural. She felt a tug at her core, and it was impossible to avoid him. "It would be a dishonor to her to send in someone else in my place to rescue her."

"It would be a dishonor to the life she fought to protect, if you carelessly throw it away," she countered, leveling his gaze. She found herself leaning towards him, almost subconsciously, and had to force herself to lean back into her chair.

"I have to agree with Master Katara, my nephew," Iroh said gently. The lines set deep into his face drew his eyebrows together as he frowned. "It is an unnecessary risk for you to take, if another is so willing to take your place and would be in far less danger to do so. Do not let your compulsion to reunite with your mother make you reckless."

Zuko slumped back into his chair, a small sigh on his lips. "It seems better than drawing the Avatar away from the world for so long," he said weakly, knowing he was beat.

Katara turned towards Aang, ignoring Zuko's last protest. "We'll need a full rotation of armed guards, and we need to be prepared to last for several days, or even a full week. The rest of us will need to carry on business as usual; it'll be too suspicious if we visit your body. In fact I think we need to announce that you've left the Fire Nation altogether, or people will wonder where you've gone."

A silence fell over them in quiet agreement, save for the fumes of Zuko's ire. A few more minutes were spent on the when, and the where, and the how, before it seemed to them that the meeting was therefore adjourned. She could tell Zuko was bursting at the seams to conduct this rescue mission, and that waiting another week might kill him, but for Aang's sake they couldn't rush in unprepared.

Aang hung back as Zuko and Iroh dismissed themselves, and she felt his gaze hover over her as she tried to gather her skirts and rise as quickly as she could. Before she made the escape from her chair, though, his ever-deepening voice reached her from across the room.

"Katara?"

She blinked, biting back a sigh, and looked up. "What's up?" she asked, trying desperately to ignore the awkward tension and the way her voice cracked at the edge.

"Will you take a walk with me?"

 _Oh no._ "Um, I mean, it's late, I really should be getting to bed."

He wouldn't budge. "I don't know when I'll get a chance to talk to you alone again," he said softly. "Please?"

Before she knew it, she found herself side by side with her ex boyfriend, the tips of his fingers whispering suspiciously close to hers, strolling through a palace courtyard under a dim sky. The night was eerily silent around them; no frogs croaking, no wind rustling, no crickets chirping, even the footsteps of the airbender beside her barely registered. It didn't take long for the beads of sweat accumulating on her skin to stick to her thin dress, and she wished desperately to bend it off of her discreetly, but the flick of her wrist would simply be too noticeable.

Instead, she opted for a distraction. One sure to be tense, awkward, painful, or some combination thereof, but a distraction nonetheless. Besides, as much as she was a firm believer in letting people down gently, it might be better for them both to simply rip off the bandage.

"What's up, Aang?" she asked as she slowed to a stop and turned towards him, her tone soft but weary. She wasn't up for a long midnight stroll, and she wasn't up for beating around the bush.

His face seemed to flush for a moment, and he looked away, scratching the back of his head. "Nothing, really," he muttered, almost embarrassed. "I just wanted to see how you were doing."

She sighed, somewhat subconsciously hugging herself. Katara turned her head away, looking down towards the ground. "I'm doing okay," she said quietly. "Still figuring things out. But I guess I'll be doing that for a while." The waterbender paused, biting her lip. She wanted to shift the conversation away from her without being too obvious. "I'm hoping to hear back from Sokka soon. I miss him. And I'm anxious to hear what they've decided about the chiefdom. A tribe without a chief is just asking for a chokehold from the North."

Gathering her courage, she lifted her chin up enough to look at him, and she saw his eyes soften. "I haven't heard anything," he told her. "What do you want to see happen?'

A brief pause. "I want Sokka to marry Suki, and I want them to have as many babies as they want without her having to sacrifice her leadership. And I want him to represent the Southern Tribe to the Earth Kingdom. I want my dad to stay on as chief." She stopped, tasing the guilt on her lips as she said the words. "But I know that's wishful thinking. Suki could change the rules if she wanted to, but I know her well enough to know she won't do that." _Not unless Sokka gets my letter, and tells her,_ she thought quietly.

"I could talk to Hakoda," Aang offered suddenly, forcing Katara to look up at him. He looked timid, but hopeful. "As the Avatar. Offer my input on what would be best for the world. Ask him to stay on as Chief."

Katara bit the inside of her lip. "I don't think I could ask you to do that, Aang," she said softly.

The Avatar shook his head. "You didn't ask. I offered. Besides, I really do think that would be the best thing. Sokka has so much more to offer the world than holing up in an igloo for the rest of his life."

"So does my dad," she replied, feeling suddenly defensive.

"Yeah, but his whole life has been about the tribe. Sokka's fought for and with people from all over the world. And your dad isn't in love with someone from another nation, like Sokka is." He seemed hesitant for a moment, swallowing while his eyes darted away from her and back again."

Katara suddenly felt nervous, the sensation striking her like a lightning bolt. The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end as he stepped in closer, and with no warning, she found her hand in his as he clasped it tight.

"...Like I am," he continued, and her blood ran cold. "I shouldn't have let things end the way they did," he told her, eyes beaming into hers, full of terrifying hope. "I want to make it right."

She tugged her hand back, just slightly, as a reflex, but she felt as if she was a block of ice, unable to make any sort of conscious movement. "Aang, I-"

His reflex was to grasp it tighter, full of conviction. "I didn't try hard enough with you before. I know that now," he said, his tone earnest and sincere. Every muscle in her body was taut, struggling to run, but frozen in a spasm of fear. "And I know I can be better, if you'll let me. We can be a family, for real this time." He let go of her hand for a moment, a brief relief, until she saw him reach into a small pack tied around his torso that she hadn't really noticed, as it blended in with the sash that tied together his loose tunic. Wound around his fingers was a blue ribbon, and in the center of the ribbon was a medallion, carved with the symbol of the Air Nomads.

He held it out to her gingerly, letting it rest in the palm of his hand. The fabric was thick and strong, dyed a deep blue that looked painfully expensive. The medallion was a bright, shining silver, glimmering with hope in the warm red candlelight.

"Will you marry me?"

* * *

 **author's note:** :)

so, i admit i haven't watched season three in a long time - i left off halfway through my rewatch last fall, and i don't have an easy way to finish it now (no i do not have netflix). So, i am fairly certain that the reveal about roku/ursa/zuko didn't happen to Aang in the series, but if it did, we're going to say it didn't for the sake of this fic.

leave a review if you please!


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